ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE
by Anna

.scripted by Mirelle.

|story visited times|

Chapter
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Chapter 01

Finally! I was back home in London after being in Paris for three whole months. I had missed my apartment and my friends, but most of all I had missed my boyfriend Gabriel. I smiled to myself and started to unpack my suitcase. As it was 6 am in the morning I thought that I should wait with the cleaning of my dirty clothes, but after some thinking I decided to clean them now. First of all I was really hype and over energetic at the moment and for the second: Why push it up till later on when I could do it now and have the rest of the day off?
Singing for myself I picked up so much of the clothes that I could carry and went to the bathroom, putting in the dirty clothes in the washing machine. Thank the lord that almost all of my clothes were dark, as the last person I had worked for had demanded that all people that worked for him wore dark clothes. Still singing for myself I thought once again how good it was to be back home. I loved my job as personal security guard, but I missed my friends and family while I was away. With a yawn I went to my bedroom and laid down on the bed. A small nap while the first load of clothes got washed didn’t sound so bad…

Something was wrong… something was really wrong. I was at the club with Gabriel and watching him fooling around on the dance floor with some girl. He had acted strange ever since I had met him today and now he was fooling around with a girl… I looked sadly on them, dancing and laughing and sighed for myself. Where had I gone wrong? Or was I just imagining thing? Sighing one more time I turned around and headed off to the bar. I felt that I needed something strong to drink. It was a lot of people at the club tonight and it felt good to be back out in the real civilisation without have to worry about the work. I passed a bunch of really loud guys when someone grabbed my arm. I turned around and was face to face with a , really good looking guy. He looked at me and gave a shy smile ”Excuse me.. but my friends and I have made a bet that I was gonna dare and kiss you… Is it OK?” he asked with an Irish accent and before I managed to say anything I felt his arms around me and our lips met. The kiss got deeper, but suddenly he broke it and smiled at me ”Cheers for the kiss luv” then he went, leaving me stunned and confused. Quickly I looked around to see where he had gone, but it was too much people in the local. Then I checked if Gabe was somewhere near as I didn’t wanna explain what just had happened. ”This isn’t my day” I mumbled to myself and headed off to the bar, thinking on that kiss.

One signal went.. Two signals… three signals… I couldn’t be bothered to answer to phone so I ignored it, hoping that the person ringing me would get tired of it. ”Answer that bloody phone!” Gabe muttered and hid his head under the pillow. I groaned and reached for the phone.
” here…” I answered with a tired voice. ”It’s about time ye answered.” I heard my boss’s voice at the other end. I tried to think, but my brain was still high on the alcohol from the night out. ”What do you want John? I want to go back and sleep if you don’t mind.” I told him and looked at the clock on my night table. It was 5.30 in the morning! Why the hell did he phone me at 5.30 in the morning? I wondered but I didn’t have to wonder for so long coz he started to talk at the other side.
”Ye are not gonna go back to sleep again … I have a job assignment for ye.” He said. What did he just say? I thought to myself and prayed to the lord that I had heard him wrong, that it only had been my drunken brain that had played me a joke. ”What did you say John? It sounded like you said that you had a job assignment for me” I said and heard him laugh.
”Ye heard me right .. Go out of bed and start packing.. Ye are gonna be at Heathrow airport at 8 am.. There ye will meet the persons ye will work for.”
”But..” I started to complain ”I have just got home John! I am on vacation now and I want to be on vacation for the whole month! Just like you promised me…” He cut me off. ”I am sorry about that, but ye are the only person available at the moment so I have no other way then to cancel yer vacation… Sorry hun, but there isn’t anything else for me to do.. so go up take a shower and pack some clothes. A guy named Anto Byrne will be waiting for ye at the entrance to the Airport.. He knows how ye look like and he will also tell ye the details why ye are working for them and what ye are gonna do.” And with that he hung up the phone. I started to swear loudly and got out of bed. For a moment I was thinking to wake Gabe up, but I was in a bad mood and I didn’t feel like talking to him. My head spun as I headed off to the bathroom to take a shower and after that I started to pack, muttering every possible swear word I knew and I even came up with some new ones during that time. I was gonna kill John when I met him again…

”Guys should be eliminated” I mumbled to myself and I stepped out if the cab at the airport. I was in a bad mood and it was all because of John and Gabe… I had told Gabe that I had to go and work and at first he hadn’t care and I had told him that. I should have never said that to him as he started to accuse me to love my work more then I loved him, but that wasn’t true! I loved Gabe over everything else and I told him that, but he had been rude and said that it didn’t seem like it… We had argued and I had almost missed my cab. Now I was standing outside the entrance of the airport and trying to calm down and not to think on that I have maybe lost my boyfriend because of this job assignment. So with a hurting head and with the sunglasses on, I picked up my two bags with my belongings and went through the entrance where my new *boss* was waiting.

Where was he? I had been waiting for 20 minutes and still no one had showed up yet. I looked at my watch and sighed 8.15… Some teenage girls passed me, gave me a look and giggled. I must’ve really looked half dead… I gave them a glare and sighed. It went couple of minutes and I gave another sigh. I wished that that Anto could have been in time. I was tired, hungover and in a grumpy mood, so it didn’t help that my new so called boss was late. Then some bunch of people passed, talking really loud and laughing at something one of them had said. I rolled my eyes and groaned. Just what I needed.. people talking really loud when I had a hangover. Couldn’t they show a little respect to us people that were feeling bad? I looked around and then saw how a short man, with dark, shaved head and a grumpy look in his face approach me. He held some papers that he looked in and then I heard: ”Miss ... ” he stuttered.
I couldn’t help but to smile. Of all the people I had worked for, no one had managed to say my surname correctly.. for crying out loud! How hard could it be? It was only letters. ”Yes it is me” I answered, gave him a small smile and reached out my hand to greet him. He grabbed it and shook it. ”I’m Anto Byrne. I guess that your boss has told you what you shall do etcetera?” He looked at me. I shook my head ”No, he only phoned me this morning telling me to pack some clothes and to meet an Anto Byrne at the entrance to Heathrow airport… So here I am.” Anto looked at me ”OK.. He didn’t say anything at all?” I shook my head and heard him sigh. ”OK I’m going to give you the information quickly. I am the tour manager for a pop group. Their security is on me 24/7 and usually two security guards are around them, but at the moment we only have me and another one and that isn’t enough for 5 guys. One of the guards broke his leg late last night and it ended up with me phoning your boss.” He got quiet and gave me a look. ”Usually I wouldn’t have picked a girl for the job but you were the only one available he said.” Yet again he got quiet and looked at me. I felt that I needed to explain the reason to why I had been the only one to pick and yet again I killed John in my mind. I cleared my throat ”I’ve just gone home from a 3 month assignment in Paris and I was supposed to be on vacation.. that is the reason to why I was available” I answered and tried not to sound grumpy.
Anto nodded ”OK.. I’ve checked the papers that your boss faxed me over and by the look of them, you have always managed to fulfil your jobs… even if you are a woman..” he added. I sighed. It was always the same thing. People never thought I could manage this job, only because I was only 22 years of age and a woman and it was starting to go on my nerves. I’ve worked as a security guard since the year I turned 20, so that must mean something or? I mentally shook my head to clear my thoughts and continued to listen to what Anto was saying.
”Did you bring your passport?” he asked me and I gave a small nod. If I continued to move my head like this it would fall off…
”Good” he nodded and smiled ”I’ve managed to fix all your papers so now we just have to get on the flight to Asia..”
I almost choked. Asia? What the hell was he talking about? I was not going to put my foot on an airplane. He could forget it. ”Excuse me?” I said ”Asia?”
He looked at me as I was not completely sane ”Yes Asia.” He said. I put up my hands in the air ”Wait a minute! No one has told me that I am going to Asia!” I said and tried to hide the panic in my voice. ”If I would have known of it I wouldn’t have showed up here in the first place.”
”Your boss didn’t tell me anything about you not willing to work for us” Anto said back. I could see that he was starting to get angry.
”I would work for you” I answered ”But I don’t put my foot on an airplane. I’ve worked in places that I can take the Car, Train, boat or even bus to.. But I am NOT flying!”
He sighed and looked at me.. I could feel that he was about to loose his temper ”You know that your boss and I signed a contract this morning saying you would work for us the nearest three months?” He said. I shook my head and swallowed hard. I knew where this was heading…
”So.. you either follow us to Asia or… ” he let the rest of the sentence hang in the air but I perfectly new what he meant and what he was doing. He was blackmailing.. I gave yet another sigh. I was so gonna kill John when I came back from Asia.. If I survived the plane trip to and from that part of the world that was…

I grabbed the handles of the seat and held them really tight. What was I doing on an airplane? I could have refused to work for this bunch of mad and rude people and instead be at home curled up and sleeping in Gabe’s embrace. Why should I care if John got sued for breaking a contract? He hadn’t talked to me before he had signed that contract in my name. It wasn’t my problem, I told me self, but deep inside I knew that I would have blamed myself if I had given John problems. He had been one of the few people that had believed in me from the beginning and he had been the one who had encouraged me to do what I dreamt of. ”Oh, can’t this flight be over soon?” I mumbled to my self and heard how someone sniggered beside me. ”We haven’t even left the airport yet.” I heard one of the members of the popgroup say. was his name.. Or I think it was.. I didn’t dare to open my eyes too look if I was right. I thought in my mind and then remembered: It was me sitting by the window (how the hell had I ended up by the window by the way?) was sitting next to me and then the grumpy one, , was sitting at the edge. I groaned. We haven’t left the bloody airport yet? I opened my eyes.
”What are you afraid off? Just relax and take it easy.” I heard say. Take it easy? HOW COULD I TAKE IT EASY?? I was sitting in an airplane and he told me to take it easy! I couldn’t take it easy. As I imagined all the time how we crashed to the ground and how my brain splashed all over the place. I turned my head, gave him a glare but I didn’t say anything. giggled ”You are a funny one, you know that?” he asked me. Then ’s voice was heard ”I don’t think you will think she’s funny when she fails with her work and the fans are all over you .” I moved my gaze from and looked at ’s face. ”Go and eat dirt.” I answered him and heard how laughed ”You really are a funny one” he said when he had calmed down. I rolled my eyes ”I’m happy that I can amuse you” I answered with sarcasm in my voice and heard how laughed again. With a sigh I moved my head so I looked in the back on the seat that was in front of me, closed my eyes and continued to imagine how my body parts was scattered all over the planet… Soon my mind went back to when I had been introduced to the persons I was gonna ‘protect’. I could still hear ’s voice in my head ”Anto.. she’s a girl and she’s even shorter then me! And she is gonna protect us from mad fans? You have to be joking!” and that had followed with a large discussion. I sighed and then I swallowed a small scream as the plane had started to move. If I ever survived this.. I would kiss the ground the first thing I did when I arrived at the other airport.

I had survived! There was a God somewhere! We had just landed and the plane was about to dock. Then I felt how leaned ahead and asked Anto, that was sitting in front of him ”How long are we gonna stay here before the plane to Hong Kong leaves?” I felt how my heart sank down to my toes. I looked up at the plane roof ”Thank you so much” I mumbled. ”You’re welcome” I heard say with a voice full of laughter. I looked at him. Now it hit me that he looked familiar.. I had seen that face, and those eyes, somewhere else before. And then I didn’t mean on television…

I was walking around at the terminal and my hangover had come back with a vengeance. I needed an aspirin, a cup of tea and, for the first time in over 3 years, a smoke. Soon I had found a small cafeteria and was sitting and trying to read a German magazine. It had been ages since I had used my German, but when I had started to read I felt how everything came back to me. ”You smoke?” I then heard a familiar voice. I sighed. Couldn’t he just leave me alone? I didn’t even look up from my magazine when I answered ”I don’t smoke anymore, I’ve quit.” And I heard him laugh ”Yeah I notice that.” I looked up and saw how pulled out a chair on the opposite of me and sat down. ”You are welcome to sit down” I said sarcastly. I looked in his eyes and once again I got this feeling that there was something familiar about him.. I just couldn’t put my finger one what it was..
Suddenly I heard how my mobile phone rang. As I picked it up I saw Gabe’s name on the small screen. I smiled and answered.
”.”
”Hey babe, how are you?” I heard his wonderful voice at the other end.
”Hey sweetie.” I answered and for some reason I heard a ’hmpf’ from ’s direction. ”I’m surviving..” I then said as an answer on his question. I heard him laugh gently.
”Got a hangover too hun?”
”Yeah I do.. but hopefully it will get over before I board the flight again” I said and then felt how my heart started to beat.. I so didn’t want to go back on that plane again.
”Flight?” I heard him carefully ask ”Where are you anyway?”
”Yeah flight Gabe.. You didn’t hear me wrong. I’m at the flight terminal in Kiel I believe.. But if I am not wrong.. ” I sighed ” we are gonna go to Hong Kong..”
”Hong Kong?”
I got annoyed ”You don’t have to repeat everything I say Gabe.. There isn’t anything wrong with the phone lines ye know.” I heard how tried not to giggle. I gave him a glare. I hated when people listened to my private phone conversations.. Especially if it was a person I hardly knew.
”Sorry babe.. when will you be back in London then?”
”It’s ok.. I’m just tired..” I sighed again ”I don’t really know babe.. They haven’t told me anything to be honest.” I gave a look ”Wait and I will ask” and I turned to the guy sitting in front of me ”.. ” I said and saw how he gave me a suspicious look ”Don’t worry I’m not gonna eat you” I snapped ”I just want to know when we will be back in London again.” I saw how he shrugged.
”I don’t know.. We are going to travel in Asia for about two weeks.. then we are going to get back to Germany and be here for some days and then off to England. So about a month I would believe…”
I smiled ”Thank you.” I told him and then I went back to my conversation with Gabe. ”About a month babe” I told him and heard how he sighed.
”A month? God that is ages…” he complained. I gave a mental sigh. Like I didn’t know it? I just hoped I would survive these three months and then I would never ever put my foot on an airplane again.. That was one thing for sure…

I leant back in my seat and closed my eyes. I felt how my stomach twisted and turned and I would have thrown up if it weren’t so that I already had thrown up everything I had in my stomach before the boarding of the flight had started.
Now the flight had left the ground and I opened my eyes. I sighed in relief and heard giggle (How did he end up next to me again? and how the hell did I get a window seat?) I ignored him and leant forward, searching through my back pack after a book and my discman. I needed to try and forget that I was sitting on an airplane… I leant back and put in the ear phones. Soon the music of one of my favourite artists came flowing out of them. I closed my eyes and listened to his fabulous voice. Now I felt how tired I was. Not only from the lack of sleep, but also from the mental exhaustion.. It really took on a person’s power to fly, specially my powers. Then for some strange reason my thoughts went back to the previous night out.. Holy lord! I opened my eyes. That guy.. had been that guy at the club! That guy that had… I put a hand against my lips and glanced over at my right where was sitting. He was messing around with that was sitting next to him. I then looked up at the plane roof. Someone up there must really believe that this was a fun joke. I shook my head and picked up my French version of The Lord Of The Rings. I hadn’t managed to get far when the book suddenly got ripped out of my hands. I pulled out the ear phones and glared at the guy sitting next to me. ”Do you really understand what it says here?” he asked me and looked through the book. What? I thought to myself . ”No, I look at the pages just for fun you know.” I answered him and saw him look really serious ”It can’t be any fun as there’s not many pictures in them.”
Was he stupid or was he just joking with me? I thought ”Off course I understand what it says, do you really think I read a book in a language that I didn’t understand?” I told him and saw how he smiled. ”I was just wondering and besides.. there are some really strange people in this world.” The bloody bastard had just made fun of me nothing else. Oh I wanted to kill him.
”Please give me back my book.” I reached out my hand and waited for him to give me my book. Now he got serious looking ”Why did you join us if you are dead scared of flights?” he asked me carefully. I gave a fake laugh. ”Who has said I’m scared of flights?” I tried to sound natural. He gave me a twisted smile. ”I really don’t know.. Maybe it is because you look dead scared as if we are gonna crash any moment?” I gave him a small smile ”My boss signed a contract with Anto that I would work for you guys the coming 3 months. So I really don’t have a choice.” And shrugged.
He gave me a charming smile ”You will get used to it” he said and gave me my book before he stood up and went to bug the rest of his band mates. Me get used to flying? I had a feeling that peace to the world would be much closer then me get used to be over 10 000 feet up in the air.

Chapter 02

”Leave the poor girl alone .” ’s voice woke me up. I couldn’t be bothered so I just laid there with my eyes closed. ”But I swear she was the one I kissed yesterday .” I heard ’s reply and I started almost to choke. I wanted to groan. Shit! He HAD recognised me!
”Yeah, yeah.. Why are you making it to sucha large business ? It was only a kiss.”
”I know.. but.. ” I heard him sigh ”Never mind..”
It got quiet and I was left with my own thoughts. Quiet? The last thing I could remember was that I had listened to music before I had fallen asleep. It must have meant that the batteries in my discman had died. With a sigh I sat up and started to go through my belongings after some new batteries. ”Good Morning” I then heard ’s soft voice say. I found the batteries, looked back at him ”Thanks” I smiled and leant back in my seat. As I changed batteries I heard him clear his throat ”So.. what kind of music do you listen to?” he then asked me. I started to think.. What had I been listening to before I had fallen asleep? I opened the lid and looked at the CD in the discman. ”Bryan Adams” I read out loud. ”Good music taste” he said and gave me a really sexy smile. ”What else do you listen to?” he asked again. Man this guy was full of questions.. I leant forward and started to search for one of my CD-cases. I found one and gave it to him. He started to read out loud as he looked through it ”Silverchair, Offspring, Matchbox 20, Live, Linkin Park..” he then gave out a laugh ”You really have a mixed music taste. Jonny Logan, Peter Cetera, Marc Anthony..” I shrugged ”They are good to have when I want to relax after a hard day or when I have hard to fall asleep.”
We continued to talk for the rest of the trip and he helped me to forget that I was over 10 000 feet above the ground…

Thank God.. We were finally on our way back to Germany. In just an hour or so we would land in Kiel, be there couple of days and then we would go back to London. Oh what I had missed Gabriel and in less then a week I would be in his arms again. I couldn’t wait.
We had travelled all around Asia for almost 3 weeks now. Usually we hadn’t been on one place more then a day before we left it. It felt like the air had become my new home.. and I hated it! I didn’t feel better after these three weeks. I had lost some weight as I threw up just before I had to go up in the air again. And then there were the fans…
Some of them had been really nice, but most of them.. oh lord.. I shuddered just when I thought about them. I had got a large shock when the plane had arrived at the airport in Hong Kong. The place had been full of screaming fans! And when we had tried to get the lads out to the waiting car.. There had been a large chaos.. I had managed to get out to one of the waiting cars, but he hadn’t been so glad when he had lost his cap to one of the many fans. He had yelled at me for almost the whole drive from the airport to the hotel. Like it had been my fault that he had lost it. I had told him what had been on my mind and from that moment.. we didn’t get along at all. It didn’t help that it was him that I usually ‘protected’. I did my job end of story, but if I could choose.. then I would have left him behind me somewhere in the mercy of several hundred screaming and mental Westlife fans… and I told him that in one of our many argues. Then there were the other lads.. I got along really well with all of them except . But was the one I had learnt to know the most… we’ve become really good friends during this time to be honest. I sighed. There was something with him that made me feel strange.. The way he looked at me.. ”You awake ?” his voice woke me up from my thoughts. I nodded ”Yeah.. And please, for the millionth time , don’t call me .. I hate it..” I tried not to laugh. Already from the start had managed to find out what made me annoyed and he used it many times, just to get himself a laugh. He gave me a sheepish smile and looked really regretful ”Sorry.. Won’t happen again” I only answered with a ‘hmpf’ as I didn’t believe him for a percent. He laughed ”So how does it feel to get back to Europe then?”
I rolled my eyes ”It feels the same.. I just can’t wait ‘till I get off this plane…” I said and at the same moment I felt how my stomach started to refuse. ”How much is the time?” I then asked as I couldn’t be bothered to search for my own. He looked at his wristwatch ”It’s almost midnight if it goes right.”
I sighed ”Do you think there will be many fans waiting? Cause to be honest… as I am feeling now, I don’t think I will be able to do my job.”
He gave me a look full of concern ”Are you OK?” he asked me.
”Yeah I am fine… I’m just tired” I answered. Even tough it wasn’t the whole truth. I felt like shit. These three weeks of flying was really tearing on me.. I felt more and more mentally tired for every flight I took. Now I just wanted to go home.. home to my Gabe and his warm embrace.

I flumped down on the bed. I was dead knackered. But at the same time I was happy. I was back in Europe and soon I would see Gabe.. my wonderful, lovely Gabriel.. Oh what I had missed him. I smiled tiredly and picked up my mobile phone, texting him if he was awake. Soon I got a reply from him. I pressed the fast dial button on my mobile and soon I heard his wonderful voice at the other end. ”Hey sweetie” he said.
”Hey babe.. Sorry for phoning now, I just wanted to hear your voice” I said. I heard how he laughed at the other end, but then it hit me… that didn’t sound like the usual laugh he had. Then I heard some female giggling in the background as he said ”No worry hun, I’m glad that you phoned me.”
Was it just my imagination or did that sound fake? Stop it .. I told myself.. you are just paranoid. ”So what are you doing babe?” I asked trying to ignore my inner thoughts.
”I’m having some friends over” he answered and I sighed mentally in relief.. that was the answer to why there had been a female giggle in the background. I was about to say something when my mobile gave a high ‘beep’. The batteries was about to die. ”Gabe babe.. I need to go, my mobile phone is about to die.. talk to you tomorrow OK?” I said.
”OK darling.. talk to you tomorrow then. I love you.”
I smiled to myself ”I love you to babe” and with that I pushed the off button on my mobile.
Happy, I went to take a quick shower and was just about to go to bed when I heard a silent knock on the door to my room. Who would knock at the door at this time in the morning? I thought and went to open it. To my surprise stood there, with his hands in his pockets.
”I hope I didn’t disturb you” he said with a quiet, excusing voice. I shook my head ”No, I was just about to go to bed, but don’t worry about it” He gave me a soft smile.
”Can I come in?” He asked carefully. I stepped aside and let him in. For a moment there was an awkward silence then he cleared his throat. ”I had a talk with Anto.. And we are going back to London on Friday.” He said ”I thought you wanted to know.”
I gave a small squeak of joy and gave him a quick hug.
”Yeah I wanted to know! Thanks , you’re the best” I said and rushed in to my bedroom to get my mobile phone. I needed to phone Gabe. But at the same time as I picked it up the bastard had to die. With an annoyed sigh I threw it on my bed and went to the hotel phone instead. I dialled the number home to Gabe, but to my surprise there was a woman answering it. ”Hello?” I heard her say. For a moment I couldn’t talk but cleared my throat ”Hey.. Is Gabriel there?” I asked carefully.. praying that I had dialled the wrong number. To my horror.. I hadn’t.. ”Gabe baby.. There someone asking for you” I heard her say. I felt like my heart was about to break. ”Who is it love?” I then heard Gabe’s voice in the background and then I heard him answer ”Hello? Who is this?” as he took the phone. I felt how tears started to fall down my cheeks as I hung up the phone. With one phone call, whole of my world had shattered into a million and yet a million pieces. And among them.. laid my heart. I stood there for a while, when somewhere I heard ’s soft voice ”.. sweetie? What’s wrong” but it felt so unreal… I didn’t answer I just stood there and then I felt two strong arms embrace me gently. I hid my face in his chest and let my tears flow.. While he mumbled comforting words to me. Saying that everything would be OK.. that everything would turn out all right in the end…

I had a day off. The guys had interviews at the hotel so I had been given the day off as they didn’t need me. It was with a heavy heart, and a headache even worse then a hangover, that I went down to the gym that was in the hotel. To my luck there wasn’t any people there, so in a very poor German I managed to get the crew to play my Lambretta album. Soon I heard the music flow out from the speakers in a really loud volume. I warmed up and then headed towards the large kicking bag. At the same time I heard how one of my favourite song of the album started to play as I started to kick and punch the bag. ”Who’s she blowing kisses from the catwalk? Tell me I really gotta know!” I punched the bag slowly couple of times ”Since when did you need another girlfriend? Since when? I really gotta know!” My thoughts started to mix with the music.. What had I done to him anyway? What had I done so that he found a new one? ”She’s been faking since day one, friendly kiss includes no time. Who’s she? Tell me? I know she’s been sleeping in my bed. Oh God I wish that she was dead. I need to know. Who’s that Bimbo?” I started to hit the bad harder now… letting my anger get out. ”Who’s she looking goofy in a Gucci dress? What’s that? I really gotta know!” Shouldn’t surprise me if it was some rich girl.. How could I have been so stupid to think I was enough for him? ”Which bone in her body shall I break first? Which one? The bimbo’s gotta go! The bimbo’s gotta go!” I kicked and punched harder and harder at the bag, imagining some hussy with curly hair and a model smile. I kicked and punched, letting all my anger out while swearing for every beat the bag got. Suddenly the music got quiet. Quickly I turned around and saw Anto coming towards me. Oh what the hell had I done wrong now? I thought when I saw his serious look, but then I realised that Anto always looked like that.
”!” I heard him say really loudly. I frowned.. I wasn’t deaf for crying out loud, I thought to myself.
”Yeah?” I said out loud and tried to sound as usual. I bent down and picked up my towel before I wiped my sweaty face with it. He stopped in front of me. ”I have some news for you.” He said. I gave him a suspicious look. Would I get home now? Get back to my ordinary, airplane free, life? I started to hope, but then he burst that hope ”We are going back to London at Friday and… as we don’t need so much help during those days.. I’m giving you the days off while we are there.” He said, still looking serious. I smiled at him. That didn’t help me one bit to be honest.. But I didn’t dare to tell him that. ”Thanks… I’m glad to hear that Anto” I said and really tried to make my smile natural. To my surprise he smiled too and turned away to leave, when he looked at me ”You will get over it” he said and then turned around. Get over what? I thought as I watched him leave.

”Happy birthday to me..” I mumbled as I woke up on Thursday morning. It was my birthday and for some reason… I felt old, really old. Slowly I got out of bed and moved to the shower, hoping that I would feel better after it.
Afterwards I got dressed and headed down to the large hotel dining room. I stepped in the lift and, when the doors was about to close, I saw how showed up. I hadn’t seen him since that evening I had phoned Gabe… ”Good morning” I said carefully as he stepped in and saw how he smiled. Did he always smile? The thought went through my mind and I heard him greet back to me. There was an awkward silence and then his voice was heard: ”Are you OK ?” he asked carefully and when I looked in his eyes I saw that they were full of honest concern. Bless him.. I just nodded and gave him a weak smile as if I started I would break down and cry again. There was an awkward silence yet one more time and then the lift doors opened with a ‘ping’. I stepped out and started to go towards the dining room with just behind me, when suddenly someone squeaked ”!!” and I saw how something small and red flashed by me and threw herself around ’s neck. When I looked at , I noticed that I wasn’t the only one who had been surprised by this. I was just about to tell her to leave alone when he said: ”It’s OK .. This is my girlfriend ” he tried to laugh but in my ears it sounded a wee too false. ”Oh I’ve missed you my huggle bun” I heard her goo. I felt how I wanted to laugh. Huggle bun? I had called Gabriel several things… but huggle bun? I met ’s gaze and saw that he was embarrassed. He gave a shrug ”What are you doing here ?” he asked and I saw how let go of his neck. ”We wanted to surprise you guys.” She answered and gave him a smile. ”Who are we?” he asked suspicious.
I saw at her face that she thought really hard.. did she have a brain? I wondered, as it really seemed to take her a lot of effort to think. Then she opened her mouth ”Well.. Me off course” she gave him a smile ”Then there was ’s girlfriend.. that frenchspeaking girl…” She seemed to think ”?” asked and she smiled again ”Ahh yeah that was her name.. Then there was that girl with the strange name…”
”.. ” said and looked at me ”’s girlfriend” he explained ”Oh you are so smart .. ” said ”Then we have ’s girlfriend.. um.. and then ’s.. Oh I can never remember what her name is” she got quiet. ”” answered one more time and gave me a look ”Don’t even comment it ” he said as I opened my mouth to ask if there actually was someone who was stupid enough to date . I closed my mouth.
”You flew here alone?” turned his gaze to his girlfriend. I tried to read what I saw in his eyes, but what ever it was it wasn’t the loving gaze a guy gave the one he loved.. shook her head ”No.. I flew here with the others” and she smiled again. I started to cough as I was just about to laugh. She had flown over here with the rest of the girls and still didn’t know their names? One thing was for sure.. didn’t date her for her brains.. Both and turned their gazes towards me and I could see how narrowed his eyes when he looked at me above ’s head. ”Sorry” I excused myself and saw how ’s eyes narrowed even more.. like he didn’t believe me excuse. And to be honest… My excuse was just as fake as snow was in Florida at the month of July.
We started to walk towards the dining room, when told to go ahead as he needed to talk to me. As soon as she was out of hearing reach he turned to me and looked really serious. ”You keep your comments to yourself you hear?” he said and had a harsh tone in his voice. I was really surprised by this but managed to keep my face.
”I wonder what I’ve been doing till now.” I answered and tried not too loose my temper.
”Your job is to look out for our security.. Not to comment our girlfriends.”
”If I had done my job couple of minutes ago, your girlfriend would have been lying on the floor, with some slight brain damages.” If she now had a brain that was, I added to myself. I didn’t even understand why he had to bring this up. I knew when I should shut up, at least I had a brain.
In some way he seemed to know what I thought. ”She’s maybe not that smart , but at least she has the brain not to cheat on me because I travel a lot and we are apart most of the time.” He threw in my face. Oh I wanted to slap his f*****g face! ”I doubt that she has the brain to even think that.. as she hardly can remember the name of the persons she has been travelling with.” I snapped back at him and turned around, heading back to the lift. My hunger had disappeared and all I wanted now was to go to the gym.

The melody of ”Miss you love” with Silverchair echoed through my earphones as I was standing, once again in front of the sand bag, boxing it and letting out my anger at it. Why had he got angry for anyway? I thought. I wasn’t so rude that I would go and make fun of his precious little .. Even IF she didn’t have brain enough to guess what 1+1 was… GUYS!! They should be wiped off this planet.. they shouldn’t even be allowed to live.
Soon I sat down on a nearby bench and dried my face with a towel. I noticed how the doors to the gym opened and in came the guys.. closely followed by their girlfriends and Anto and Paul. I decided to play that I hadn’t seen them. Quickly I switched the CD in my discman to one with mixed artists, checked that the discman sat properly at the waist on my trainers and headed of the bicycles… A hard and long hour on those usually eased my temper. I loved spinning and the harder I worked the more tired I became. I sat up, closed my eyes and let the music decide to which tempo I should spin.. Soon it came a slow song, I changed the resistance on the wheels so it would be harder for me to pedal, I stood up a bit and leant on my elbows as I slowly pedalled to the music. Then I looked up and noticed how was watching me. I gave him a cold look, closed my eyes and concentrated at the music.. Only about 2 months left and then I would never meet him again.

”Srechan ti rodjendan Seka” I heard my gran’s voice at the other line of the phone. I had been lying at the bench resting a bit, before I would go and punch the sand bag a last time before I went up to my room for a shower, when my phone had rang. And to my surprise it had been my grand mother phoning me to wish me a happy birthday. We talked for a while and I ended the conversation as I felt how I was watched by and the dark-blonde girl. I stood up and picked up the gloves I used when I punched the sand bag. Once again I felt like someone was watching me and I looked around. was still looking at me as I wanted to kill her.. then for some reason my eyes went over to and I could feel his eyes on me even on the distance. What was this? Had they agreed on some kind ‘lets stare at and make her feel uncomfortable’ game? I sighed and headed off to the sand bag. Hopefully I would manage to kill it before I left the gym…
My fist hadn’t even managed to hit the bag when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I sighed and rolled my eyes. I should maybe hit the person behind me instead? I turned around at the same time as I pulled out the earphones and saw how was standing behind me. What the hell did she want? ”Yeah?” I said and tried not to sound rude. She was just as tall as me and had red/blond hair and green eyes. ”You are .. one of Westlife’s security guards? Right?” Oh my lord.. she was either REALLY brain dead or she had a short memory.. ”Yeah I am…” I nodded and wondered where this talk would head. She swallowed ”Could I ask you something?” she then asked, sounding really rude. I was thinking to say no and go back to what I had been doing before she disturbed me.. But bad enough I started to get curious on what she wanted to ask. I was just about to say no when I heard myself say: ”What is the question?” damn curiosity!
”Are you only their security guard or do you sleep with the guys too? Cause you travel a lot and probably both you and them need to get.. lets say ‘destressed’ some times.”
What? I thought to myself and wondered weather start to laugh, cry or just punch her between her eyes. I gave a small giggle of disbelief and looked at her. Then I saw how the rest of the guys girlfriends came towards us and stopped behind .. Oh my lord.. dun tell me that they too was thinking that I slept with the guys… I thought. Then I got my thoughts answered when the dark blond girl said to . ”Don’t tell me you really asked her that question ” with a voice full of disbelief.
’s eyes never left me when she answered ”So what if I did ? is my boyfriend and I have the right to know if she’s sleeping with him.” This is like a bad soap I managed to think in my mind before said ”I trust and I really advice you to trust ..” snorted but didn’t say anything.
”And beside..” The one with long blond curly hair said ”Not everyone would do what you would …” This time ’s eyes left me and she spun around meeting the other girls gaze ”You are just jealous that I am the one having ” she hissed. laughed ”You are just being stupid .. You can keep believe me on that one.”
I felt how a large argue was about to break out here. How did I end up in it anyway? ”Um.. Guys.. ” I said but interrupted me with a loud voice ”Just because you don’t believe that this hussy is doing anything.. I, at least, have the right to know if she has slept with my boyfriend!” and with that she ran out of the gym. was shaking her head and mumbling something when I saw how passed us, going after but I did notice the glare he gave me as he went by.. oh I had a feeling I was gonna get in real trouble for something I haven’t done…

Chapter 03

”What was that about?” asked as he showed up closely followed by the rest of the guys.
gave a irritated sigh ”Just going on about the usual stuff.” She answered.
I saw how rolled his eyes. ”Who did she blame this time?” ’s voice was heard and I saw how the rest of the girls looked at me. I heard how gave a laugh ” thought that was sleeping with THAT one?” and gave a small groan when hit him hard on the side. ”Be nice ” she said and gave him a glare. I felt how I blushed now when everyone’s attention was at me. Oh what I hated to be in the centre of the attention… Then the sound of a door closing was heard and, thank the lord, the attention moved towards who was coming towards us, and to be honest.. he didn’t look happy at all… He passed all of his band mates and went straight towards me (how did I know he was going to do that?),grabbed my hand at the same time as he said ”We need a talk” and dragged me out in the hall way. Out there he faced me ”Why the hell did you tell that we had slept together?” he asked me and I could hear on his voice that he was holding back his anger, well some of it anyway. I looked at him.. when had I told that brain dead thing something like that? ”Excuse me?” I managed to say. He rolled his eyes ”Don’t play stupid . told me that YOU just had told her that you’ve slept with me.. that you had slept with all of us! Why the hell did you do that?” He raised his voice as he talked.
Wait a minute now.. I thought.. ”I have never said something so stupid like that” I told him. I was about to loose my temper now. I saw the disbelief in his eyes ”Why the hell would I say something like that? And when would I get the chance to say it to her anyway?” I then asked him at the same time as I tried to count to 10. I couldn’t loose my temper.. I couldn’t..
I felt his grip around me wrist tighten ”Don’t lie to me ..” he hissed ”.. Why are you so eager to destroy mine and ’s relationship? As well as the other ones? Is it just because your boyfriend cheated on you? Is that why you can’t see anyone else happy?”
OK! That was it! He was so going to pay for it! I lift me hand and slapped his face in the most girlie way I had ever seen, or done. ”Has it ever occurred to you that your precious Miss Einstein is lying!?” I shouted at him ”That she had made this up just cause I work with you?” I looked at him. Oh I wanted to kick him in the balls… ”Next time try and find out the truth before you go and blame someone you hear? I thought you were a nice guy, but this just proofs that you are nothing but a fucking bastard!” I passed him and went towards the corridor that would lead to the stairs up to the rooms. I opened the door and turned around to look at him where he stood with his hand on his chin. ”And don’t ever again throw what Gabe did to me in my face again .. Never you hear? Cause then I wont just slap your face.. I’ll rip your balls out and feed the fans with them..” and with that I left, headed up to me room at the same time as I felt how the tears started to burn behind my eyelids. What he had said had hurt me really much.. but what had hurt me the most is that I had thought that we had become really close friends during these weeks… but now he had showed that what I said didn’t mean a bloody thing to him..

I groaned as I felt how the plane left the ground. My stomach protested and so did my poor head. I had got a drink too much last night and now I was paying for it, but thank the lord that I was on my way home.. Back home.. I sighed. Back to an empty apartment and life… The pressure eased a little and now my head didn’t ache so much anymore.. I leant back and closed my eyes. Gabe hadn’t phoned me these last days, not even to wish me a happy birthday.. that proved how much he had cared for me. I opened my eyes again and looked down at my hands. A bitter smile appeared in my face. I needed to phone him when I got home, to tell him that I knew that he had cheated on me and that everything was over.. that I was leaving him. I closed my eyes so that the tears wouldn’t start to fall. I had lost him.. I had lost my lovely Gabe. Somewhere in the reality I heard how , who was sitting next to me, had a mumbling discussion with someone and how he stood up from his seat and how someone sat down in it. Then the smell of ’s after shave reached me and I got back to reality. ”.. we need to talk” I heard him carefully say. I opened my eyes and glared at him. ”I’ve told you what is on my mind .. And after yesterday we don’t have anything to talk about, so leave me alone.” I turned away my gaze so that I looked in front of me. ” listen to me please..” He said with a begging voice. Once again I looked at him ”What do you want this time? Are you going accuse me for sleeping with your male fans now or what?” I asked and felt how the anger I had been feeling yesterday was coming up to the surface. looked ashamed. ”I’m sorry for what I said to you yesterday .. I believed what said as she was my girlfriend” he mumbled. ”Oh, that was the most stupid excuse I’ve ever heard .” I said and leant back against the headrest, hoping that he would get it that I didn’t want to talk to him and he did get it. ”I just wanted to say that I’m sorry .. I can’t blame you for being angry at me.” I heard him sigh and make an effort to get out of the seat. Without thinking I put a hand on his arm. I met his eyes.
”You know that what you said hurt me ?” I said and saw how he nodded, looking embarrassed. ”I’m sorry for that ..” he said softly ”I was angry and needed someone to blame on that had got hurt..” he got sighed ”For some reason I blamed you as had told me…” he got quiet and looked begging at me. I sighed and gave a small smile. How could I be angry at him when he looked at me like that? I thought. ”OK I forgive you then ..” I said with a low voice and saw how he smiled. ”But.. ” I said ”You better keep away from me or I’ll probably do something I will regret.” I then saw how he looked down at the floor. ”Me and has broke up .. I think it was the best anyway, specially after some things that the other girls told me..” he looked up at me and I could see in his eyes that he wasn’t so hurt by it. He then gave me a smile ” isn’t so happy about it, but to be honest… I had been thinking to break up with her for a while now.” And he looked at me with a strange look. I couldn’t read what was in it.. Mentally, I shook my head and me and continued to talk and as always: he made me forget that I was sitting in a tin can 10000 feet up in the air.

”Are we gonna drop you off somewhere?” asked me as we sat in the car that was taking them to the hotel. I shook my head ”No.. you don’t have to , but cheers for asking.” I said and looked out from the window. ”I live nearby the hotel, so I’ll just walk home after you guys have checked in” I continued. ”But how about your luggage ?” I heard ask. I sighed. My luggage had got lost at the airport and hadn’t been found by the time we had to leave. ”Just phone me when it arrives at the hotel and I’ll come down and pick it up” I said and looked at him quickly before my gaze moved towards the window again. It felt so good to be back home again, even if I had my problems with Gabe to deal with. But that had to wait. First of all I was going to take a shower and change clothes and after that I was going to head up to John’s office… I needed to talk to him and it had been ages since we had met.

Finally! I thought as I flumped down on my bed. I was back home again and this time I was going to be here more then 24 hours. I felt how my eyelids started to get heavy so I sat up at the bed and slightly shook my head, which only made my hangover to make itself reminded. I stood up and went towards the bathroom. I needed that shower and I needed it badly. I hadn’t managed to take more then three steps when my housephone rang. Wondering who it could be, as no one knew that I was home yet, I went to answer.
”” I said as I picked it up and to my surprise I heard John’s voice at the other end.
”Hey ! You’re finally at home” I heard him laugh.
”I’ve just got through the doors John” I said laughing too.
”Good” he said ”I was wondering if we could meet for lunch in about 30 minutes” I heard him ask, sounding really hopeful. OK.. there went my shower I thought.
”Yeah sure..” I answered ”Meet you at the office?”
”As always” he answered and I could really see him smile. He smiled almost always.. It hadn’t been many times I’ve seen him loose his temper during those years I’ve known him.
We talked for some more minutes and then I went to get dressed. That meant.. If I had something to wear.. I decided to take a quick shower and after that I went on a hunt for clothes. It didn’t take me long to notice that I needed to get me some new clothes as almost everything I owned was too large for me by now. I had noticed that I had lost some weight during these weeks, but I hadn’t thought of that it had been so much that my clothes looked like I was wearing a tent. Soon I had decided to wear a long, black skirt, a matching polo sweater and my high heeled, knee-high black boots that I loved to pieces, and on top of that a long beige winter coat with fake fur at the collar and at the edge of the arms. Quickly I combed my hair and looked in the mirror. This was even worse then one of ’s fashion faux pas and if the fashion police saw me they would probably arrest me. I shook my head headed towards the doors. I was going to be really late if I didn’t leave now.

I went through the entrance to John’s office and saw how he was going through some papers on his desk. I looked at him and noticed that he hadn’t changed much since I last saw him at his 30th birthday party this summer. His black hair was still short and spiky and he was still using the habit of talking to himself… I heard him mumble ”I know I’ve put it here somewhere..” I couldn’t help but to smile. ”You still get the best answers when ye talk to yerself huh John?” I said, talking with the kind of slang he usually used, and saw how his emerald green eyes looked up at me before his lips turned to a large smile. ”!” he said with a cheerful voice and went around the table to give me a bear hug. I’ve always looked at John as a brother. He helped me when I first moved to England for my education and during those two years I went to the academy, me and John got really close. It had gone more then four years since I had come to England and by now he and his family had become like my second family..
I felt how his embrace eased. ”Ye’ve lost weight” he made a remark. My smile lowered a little and I nodded as I moved away from him, so sit down in a nearby chair. ”Yeah.. I have” I said and looked at him ”To be honest John, those flights are really tearing on me.” I confessed and heard him give a sigh. ”I know .. I’m really sorry that I had to force ye to it, but I didn’t have any other choice.” He gave me a look that reminded me of a sad puppy. I felt how I smiled ”It’s OK John.. It’s only three more months and I’m sure that I’ll survive them..” and saw him smile ”If the plane don’t crash that is” I couldn’t help but to add and laughed when he glared at me. ”Ye have a morbid sense of humour sometimes ” he said annoyed, but then changed subject. ”I’ve got the papers from that guy ye worked for in Paris…” he said and started to search through his desk again. ”Jean-Pierre?” I asked and saw him nod ”Yeah.. ye’ve even got the money from him now.. I was going to put them in at yer account today, but I can’t find the papers” he gave an excusing laugh at the same time as he started to go through a pile of papers. ”The papers of my account number or some other papers?” I asked confused ”’cause if it is the account papers they should me in my file John.”
I heard him mumble something and then look up at me.
”No.. it’s the papers of how much I should put in at yer account.. He had put in a little bonus too.. I just can’t remember how much it was..”
Bonus for what? I thought but didn’t care to ask as I probably would get my answers really soon.. well at least as soon as John found those papers.
”Ahh.. here they are” I finally heard his victorious voice say and then give a small whistle ”If ye weren’t rich by now .. then ye’re about to get rich” he said and gave me one of his irresistible smiles. I waited for him to continue talking, but had a feeling that he wouldn’t say anything more unless I asked him. He really knew how to make me annoyed. ”What do you mean John” I said after some seconds.
”Thought ye neva ask” he smiled and looked down at the papers. ”According to the information I have here..” he paused and looked at me ”.. then yer going to have two hundred thousand pounds put in at yer account today.”
I choked. Oh my lord! I thought ”You sure about it John?” I asked confused ”Cause that is double the amount that the contract said..” I mumbled and felt how I wanted to scream of joy. It wasn’t that I didn’t have much money, as I had earned quite a lot during these two years I’ve had this job.. but two hundred thousand pounds in one go?? That was enough to give even me a heart attack. I saw how John nodded and I squealed of joy as I threw me around his neck and gave him a hug.

I put in the last piece of grocery and closed the refrigerator door with a sigh. It had been a wonderful lunch with John and I had managed to shop both clothes and some food for the coming days before I had headed home. Now, when I was at home, I could really feel how tired I was.. Tired in every possible way… I yawned and made my way to the bathroom. I was just going to change to something more comfortable and then I was planning to flump down at the sofa and watch a good movie. I switched to my four sizes too large Sweden national hockey team jersey, some shorts and headed off to the living room where I put on Ever After and slid down under a blanket. I fixed my eyes on the TV-screen, but just after some minutes I could feel how my eyelids got heavier and heavier…

The sound of the doorbell echoed in my head and it was that, that woke me up from my sleep. I sat up with a sigh at the same time as the bell rang a second time. ”I’m coming! I’m coming!” I said with a sleepy voice at the same time as I tried to rub the sleep out of my eyes. It seemed that I wasn’t allowed to sleep at my day off either I thought grumpily and unlocked the door without caring to check who it was. It hit me by a surprise to find standing there with a large smile in his face, but the smile lowered when he saw me opening the door, still half asleep. ”Oh, did I wake you up?” he asked carefully. Couldn’t bother to answer so I just nodded and looked pass him, seeing and standing in the background. My gaze went back to at the same time as I tried not to yawn. ”What brings you here?” I asked and saw how he held up one of my lost bags. ”This..” he said ”and.. we were wondering if you wanted to come out with us tonight?” He looked at me with begging eyes. Tonight? What was the time anyway? I thought and checked my watch. Oh my lord.. the timers showed at 9.30 p.m. I must’ve slept for a long time. I put a hand against my forehead and rubbed it, trying to think. ”Yeah, why not” I then answered and saw how he smiled even larger. I stepped aside and let them in. handed me two of my bags and handed me the third one. I showed them in to the living room and told them to make themselves feel at home and if they wanted anything, they could always try and find something in the kitchen I didn’t care if I sounded rude, I was too tired to be bothered. As I turned away I heard ’s voice: ”Isn’t that a little wrong country ?” I turned around to look at him, wondering what he meant when I remembered my jersey.. I smiled at him ”Didn’t know England had a national Ice Hockey team” I answered back and went to get dressed.

The club was crowded of people that was out for a good time, but after just some minutes of searching we found the rest of the gang. I got presented to Anto’s fiancée and Paul’s girlfriend and we started to talk having a laugh. But soon they all went off to different places and soon it was only me and left by the table. ”Nice bunch of people huh?” I heard him say as and left for a more quiet corner. ”I could have been at home sleeping now you know..” I commented gave him a look. He smiled ”What do you say we go and watch a movie instead? As it’s not fun to party all alone.. and everyone else has gone to make out somewhere..”
I laughed ”Why do I have a feeling that you would rather want to make out in some dark corner?” and stood up.
”Well.. If you are up for some salvia changing then I’m up for it too” I heard him answer back. I didn’t care to answer back as I thought he was joking, instead I headed towards the entrance to get my coat. When we were outside, I turned to him. ”OK.. shall we go to the cinema or watch a movie at my place?”
”What do you wanna see?” he asked. I shrugged. ”OK..” he said then ”You up for seeing Armageddon?” He asked me and gave me a cheesy grin. I loved that movie.. Just a pity that I always started to cry floods in the end of the movie. I sighed. Tough.. It had been ages since I saw it the last time so I nodded ”Yeah, why not” I said and saw him give me a victorious smile. Why did I have a feeling that he was planning something? I gave him a suspicious look and then made up my mind not to think in it. I was probably just imagining things…

”I know that it isn’t any of my business .. But have you talked to your boyfriend yet?” asked me as I stepped out from the bathroom, once again dressed in the jersey and shorts. I met his gaze and nodded ”Yeah I phoned him earlier today, but he didn’t answer on any of the numbers.. So I left a message to him that it was over and that I wanted back my apartment keys..” I said and gave a sigh ”I can’t be bothered about him to be honest.. I just want to move on now.” And I sat down at the couch next to . ”Who’s gonna put on the movie?” I then said and pointed on the DVD that was lying on the table in front of us. I gave him a begging look and saw how he glared at me before he picked up the table and went towards the DVD player. That was all I needed. Quickly I moved and took over the place he had vacated. I loved to sit in the corner for some reason.
”Hey! That is my place” I heard him complain as he turned around to sit down again. I gave a laugh ”Not anymore.”
We argued about the spot for a while and in the end we ended up both lying down. He behind me, with his arm around my waist.

Somewhere in my subconscious I heard how a pair of keys was put in the front door, but I didn’t want to wake up as I felt warm and comfortable where I laid. Then I heard how the door got open. I opened one eye and tried to remember where I were. I noticed the table in front of me and I realised that I was lying at the couch in my apartment and.. I opened my other eye.. was lying behind me and the hand that had been lying around my waist had sneaked in under my jersey and was now lying under my breasts.. I sat up feeling how I started to blush. This couldn’t get worse I thought and heard how started to move behind me.
”?” I then heard a familiar voice coming from the hallway. It could be worse! What the hell did Gabe do here? Quickly, I stood up and went to the hallway, at the same time as I tried to think clearly.
”What are you doing here Gabe?” I asked when I saw him, still rubbing my forehead. He turned around and met my gaze. I noticed that he was a bit drunk and when I looked in his eyes I got scared…

”I got your message that you wanted me to come by with the keys to your apartment…” He started to say and then gave me an furious look. ”What is that about you wanting to break up with me ? What was that talk about me cheating on you?” I heard the anger in his voice. I tried to shake off my fear, but it wouldn’t go away. Even if I had an education in self-defence and how to protect other people, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to handle Gabriel by myself and specially not when he was drunk.
”Gabe, come back tomorrow instead.” I said ”We’ll talk about it then.” When you have got sober, I added in my mind and hoped that had woke up by now. ”?” I then heard his voice from the living room. The look Gabe then gave me would probably have killed me if it had been possible.
”Your fucking slut!” he said furious. ”You only blamed me for cheating so that you could get out of this easy… without me finding out huh? You’re nothing but a whore!”
I got angry.. how dared he to blame me? ”At least I get paid for the things you do for free” I snapped back and then felt how his hand landed on my cheek, throwing back my head.
I lost my balance and fell to the floor.
”Your fucking bastard!” I then heard ’s voice from the living-room. It really surprised me to hear his usually soft voice, full of anger. Both I and Gabe looked at him, standing there in the entrance with his fists clenched and looking as he was ready to attack Gabe at any second.
”.. no” I managed to say as I sat up, touching my aching jaw. I heard how Gabe mumbled something, but didn’t pay attention what he was saying.
walked over to me and bent down, gently touching my cheek where I had got hit. ”You OK ?” he asked, worried. I managed to give him a slight smile and nodded. Then he turned his gaze to Gabriel that was standing and looking at us with a furious gaze.
”So you are the bastard she’s been crying over these last few days?” I heard him as with the voice full of anger once again. Gabe gave a small laughter ”I doubt that the fucking tramp can cry at all.” He said.
was about to make an attempt to stand up ”No .. please” I said and gave him a begging look.
”Why ? The bastard deserves to get his bloody arse kicked.” He said, trying to hold back his anger.
I sighed and put a hand on his cheek. ”Yeah I know, but how will I manage to explain to Anto why you are all beaten up?” I tried to smile ”Specially as it is my job to prevent things like that…” He gave me small smile ”He doesn’t deserve it..” he said stubbornly. I nodded ”I know.. but he isn’t worthy the pain and trouble.. please?” I begged. I noticed how ’s gaze softened ”OK then..” he said. I gave him a smile and stood up, before I looked over at my ex boyfriend. ”You can go Gabe.. I don’t want to have anything to do with you anymore.. it’s over…”

”Ouch” I whined when laid a towel wrapped around some ice cubes against my chin.
”You should have let me kick his ass ” He said and sat down next to me. Holding the ‘icetowel’ against my cheek, I turned to face him. ”And how do you think I would manage to explain to Anto how you managed to get a black eye ?” I asked him. He glared at me, but didn’t say anything. I gave him a small smile ”It’s better this way anyway.. at least we got rid of him”
Finally he smiled ”Yeah, you are right, even if I believe that my idea was better.” He said and leant towards me.
He took away the towel from my face and put a hand against my chin as he looked closely at my aching jaw.
”You will get a bruise, but it wont be so swollen” he said and I could feel his breathe against my face as he said this. Then I made the mistake to turn my head so that I could look into his eyes. His thumb was gently brushing my cheek. The look in his eyes changed and his face started to come closer to mine.
This isn’t right.. I managed to think before our lips met in a soft kiss. As it got deeper I put my hand against his chest to push him away, but they didn’t do as I wanted. Instead they moved up to his shoulders and my arms wrapped themselves around his neck.
I felt how his hands caressed my face before they made their way to my shoulders and from there slowly down to my waist and resting there… I had a feeling that I knew where this was going.. and that it was forbidden…

Chapter 04

Then he broke the kiss. Looked into my eyes before he grabbed my hands and stood up, pulling my up so that I got on my feet.
”..” I started to say, but he cut me off with a kiss
”Do you want me ?” He asked gently and kept looking into my eyes.
”This isn’t right ..” I said but he shook his head.
”I didn’t ask you if you thought if it was right or not ..” he got quiet and looked at me with his intensive gaze ”I asked you if you wanted me..”
I looked at him. Oh, yes I wanted him! I realised it now.. when I looked into his eyes. Gabe had never managed to make me feel like this… I bit my lower lip. To hell with the rules! I thought and wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him as an answer to his question.

With a moan and a last thrust, collapsed on top of me before he rolled off, but still keeping body contact. Both of us was breathing heavy and suddenly I felt exhausted.
I turned to the side so that I could look at ’s face. He was having his eyes closed, but like he felt that I was watching him, he opened his eyes and gave me a smile. We didn’t say anything.. Then he gave me a kiss and wrapped his arms around me and held me tight.
As I laid with my head on his chest, I could hear how his heart beated.. I ran my hand slowly over his chest as I listened to the beats and the closed my eyes. Just before I fell asleep a thought ran through my mind.. that it was here that I belonged…

I was standing by the stove, making me a cup of tea. had been asleep when I had left the bedroom and I hadn’t wanted to wake him up. As I waited for the water to start and boil, my thoughts went back to what had happened just some hours earlier. I smiled silly to myself and then felt two arms around my waist and then heard ”Good morning sexy..” being whispered into my ear. I turned around and looked into his eyes. I felt how I blushed a little.
”And what has given me that title?” I asked him and tried to look innocent. His eyes danced of laughter ”Well.. after last night.. someone needs to give you that title” he said in a whisper and made me blush even more just before our lips met in a slight kiss. The water started to boil and I turned around to give it my attention. Still feeling his arms around my waist I asked ”Tea ?” and glanced back just in time to see him wrinkle his nose. It was almost that I started to laugh. ”Yes please” I heard him answer and smiled. I told him to sit down by the kitchen table while I prepared it.
When I sat down opposite him I knew that I had to bring up what I should have told yesterday…
I sighed ”..” and looked at him, I didn’t know how to tell him this, so I decided to just say it straight out.
”.. I am not allowed to have a relationship with those I work for.” I said and looked into his eyes.
”Why are you saying this?” he asked calmly, not showing what he was thinking of. That was one thing I hated with working for famous people.. They had learnt how to not show their true feelings.. I sighed again and moved my gaze to my tea cup. ”What happened last night wasn’t allowed to happen .. I took a risk.” I got quiet.. all of a sudden I felt confused.. didn’t know what to say.
”Do you regret it?” his voice was calm. I shook my head, not daring to look at him. I heard how he sighed.
”.. Look at me in that case and tell me it straight to my face..” he was still sounding calm.
I looked up and met his gaze ”I don’t regret it .. But if this comes out I will not only loose my job… It will get legal actions too as I’ve signed a contract..” I got quiet.. How would I manage to explain this to him? For some reason I felt how the tears started to build up. I looked down at my teacup again. I then noticed how stood up and moved so he stood in front of me.
”.. come here..” he said with a low voice. I did as he said and as soon as I stood up I felt how he gently wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close.
”You mean that as long as you work for us, you and I can’t say we are together?” he asked as I hid my face against his chest. I looked up and met his eyes.
”Yeah.. something like that..” I said, wondering what he was planning..
”Do they have anything against it after you have quit your work for us?”
”No.. ” I shook my head ”They haven’t said anything about it, so I don’t think it would be a problem..” I narrowed my eyes when I saw him smile cheekily ”Why you wonder ?”
He smiled widely.. ”Then we just have to try and hide the relationship till you quit..”

Day before Christmas Eve 2001

”I love you too baby..” I said, trying to sound cheerful before I closed my phone. I had been away from for only a week and it felt hard already. But at least now we didn’t have to sneak with our relationship. I sighed as I put away my mobile phone and looked out through the window.
Watching how the snowflakes slowly fell to the ground I felt how the tears threatened to fall. Tomorrow it was Christmas Eve.. A time that you should spend together with your family and friends.. the ones that you loved the most. But for the first time in my life I was about to celebrate it by my own.
It had been planned that me, my parents and my grandma would have celebrated together, but it had got changed. They were going to celebrate it with my aunt instead. Sure I had been invited as well… But me and my aunt didn’t get along well. She had never been found of me and when I had got the job as a security guard.. then she had really turned green of jealousy. It was like that she couldn’t take it that I was successful, that I had found something that I was much better on then my cousin. I smiled as I wondered how she would react when, or maybe if, she found out that I was dating . She would probably die of jealousy. HA! If she did that in that case.. I sighed again. I didn’t want to think on my aunt or on tomorrow. I looked at my watch and saw that it was only 11 am.. Smiling I threw a last look out through the window before I went to the front door and put on my boots and a warm jacket and some gloves and then went out to the stable.. It was a nice day so I planned to take Magic out on a ride before it started to get dark…

The familiar sound and smell met me as I stepped into the stable. Lightning was the first one that looked over the opening when I stepped in. Making a small sound he welcomed me and I went towards him. He was my favourite one of the three horses I had. I let my hand rest on his head a bit before I followed the Lightning shaped blaze (sorry guys.. dun know the word in English haha.. its the white stuff some horses has in their faces..;)) After I had talked with him for a bit, I continued to Star and then the last Magic.
All of them were black Arabian’s. Lighting had a lightning shaped blaze and four white socks, Star had a star and white socks, while Magic only had four white socks.
Soon I had saddled Magic and led him out from the stable and walked with him for a while before I sat up. We made our way to the path that the neighbour girl took with the horses when I wasn’t able to take care of them.
As I let Magic go in the paste he wanted I let my thoughts wander. I missed this life… to be able to do what I wanted, when I wanted. No schedules to go after and no travelling. And I missed my horses to be honest. Sure I knew that Frida took well care of them while I was away, but I still missed them. I sighed. As long as I had this job and lived in London I knew that I never could have my horses in England.. and I didn’t have any plans to move back to Sweden just yet. I loved my work way too much for it.. Even tough.. If my work forced me to fly just as much as I had done these last months.. then I would quit. I wouldn’t manage the pressure of it. Not mentally or physically. The only thing that had made me fulfil these three months had been . He had been by my side on every flight and comforted me when I had felt like I was about to panic. I smiled as I thought back on the last two months.
We hadn’t been able to keep our relationship a secret for long. They had found out about it the same day I had came back to work, but all of them, even Anto and Paul, had been supportive and hadn’t had anything against it. As long as my bosses didn’t find out about it everything there hadn’t been anything to be afraid of… and I had become really good friend with all of them, even to my surprise. I shook my head as I thought on this. I was still surprised at this to be honest, as me and hadn’t really got along from the beginning and I hadn’t even thought that he would have been the one I would come the closest too of the lads, except for that was.
It had all started when had been forced to stay in England because of high fever and a bad flu while the rest, that included me, had flown over to Brazil for promotion of their new album. The schedule had been hectic and there had been 6 flights planned in less the 48 hours. I had managed to get through the two first by myself, but as we were about to go on the third flight I felt that I wouldn’t manage it… To my surprise had been by my side, helping me through the things that usually helped me with. He was by my side all the time after that, until joined the group again. I owed much to him.. and I still do.. and.. our friendship got really close after that, for some strange reason. But we still started to argue, I had a bad temper and so did , but we always managed to sort things out even if we were rude to each other many times…
With a sigh I returned my thoughts to the present. Now I noticed that the snow had started to fall down faster and it was thicker. I looked at my watch and noticed that I had been our for almost two hours.
”Shall we go back Magic?” I asked the horse and he shook his head as an answer. I laughed and turned him around, getting him to go faster. It was best that we got home before the snowing got worse…

Christmas Eve… I sighed and bit my lower lip. I had never realised that I would feel this bad to celebrate one Christmas all by myself. I had told myself that this was just like any other day, nothing special about it, but now as I flicked through the channels I felt really lonely.
I had talked to my parents when I had woke up, reassuring them that I did feel good and that I was really sure that I didn’t want to take the 4 hour drive up to my aunt’s place. I sighed and changed channel on the TV. Oh lord, tellie on Christmas was crap! Not even one good movie was on! Frustrated I turned it off and went into my bedroom, flumping down on the bed. I was going to take a nap and then eat.. there wasn’t so much else I could do today.. and maybe take out one of the horses for a ride I thought as I closed my eyes, trying to remind me to phone later tonight when he got back from his last minute Christmas shopping..

End of January 2002

I stood in the lobby of the hotel and looked around. I sighed and then moved my gaze to the entrance doors and further out on the fans that had gathered there, eagerly waiting for the guys to show up. I shook my head.. I would have freezed my arse off ages ago. Then I turned to the lifts. I had met only for some few minutes yesterday, but he had given me the spare key to his room and had told me to show up before noon as he had a day off.. I stepped in to the lift and pressed the button for the 7th floor and the lift started to slowly make its way up.
I had missed to be honest and it was going to be fab to spend the day with him. I hadn’t met him since the week before Christmas, even tough we had talked to one another on the phone every day. I then frowned. The phone calls the last two weeks had been really strange and short. It was like he didn’t want to talk to me.. ”Oh stop it ! You’re just being yer stupid self again!” I told myself and heard a ping from the lift, telling me that I had reached my destination. I stepped out and searched to the room had. Soon I had found it and put the key in, opening the door. I smiled and was just about to open the door to the living room when I heard ’s voice almost panicked:
”.. I can’t tell that! It will probably break her down or something.. why can’t you just leave it alone? I love her and I want to be with her. But I also want to forget what has happened.. which I can’t do as long as you keep remind me of it!” I frowned.. what was he talking about? And then I started to get an uneasy feeling in my stomach.. Once again I was about to announce that I was in the room when I heard ’s voice ”.. You slept with the girl for crying out loud! It’s better for that she hears it from you then from anyone else! You’ve managed to get yourself into this problem and you are the only one that can sort it out.. and you better sort it out as soon as arrives, as showed up at the hotel, wanting to meet you.. she’s waiting at ’s room at the moment..”
I felt how the tears started to fall down my cheeks.. no.. not .. oh my lord.. I covered my mouth, starting to back towards the front door when I heard ’s voice.. full of pain ”I love .. but she wont forgive me when she finds out..” I felt how I wanted to scream. I turned around and opened the door, slamming it shut after me, not caring that and would hear it. I started to run towards the lift and as I stepped into it I saw I the corner of my eye how showed up in the opening to his room. Even on the distance I could see the pain in his eyes.. the regret.. but what he had said to had been true.. I couldn’t forgive him, not as I felt right now…
The doors to the lift closed and with an aching heart I pressed the button for the lobby. I hadn’t believed that the heart could ache more then when I had found out that Gabe has been having an affair.. but I had been wrong.. Oh, what wrong I had been. It felt like someone had ripped out my heart and stepped on it, even tough it wouldn’t ache like it did now.. I swallowed hard. ”Bye ..” I mumbled ”I love you, but I guess that our love wasn’t meant to be..” then I heard the lift doors open. I left the key at the reception and just went out from the hotel. Now I had to try and leave behind me… but as the tears started to fall down my cheeks I wondered how I would manage with that, as I would never be able to get over him.. that I knew for sure…

I swallowed hard as the plane left the ground. I almost could feel ’s comforting hand above mine, could almost hear the soothing words he had said every time we had taken the flight. But it was only almost.. wasn’t with me anymore. I closed my eyes so that I wouldn’t start to cry. It had gone a month since I had found out what he had done.. a month since I had left him.
It had been two weeks ago John had phoned me, saying that I had a job-assignment.. IN THE STATES! I had almost died when he had told me it.. There had been a large argue and in the end he had convinced me to take the job and I had. But this was my last one now.. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to manage the flights for a longer period and I had told John that.. That this was the last job I did for them if they didn’t manage to find me something in England and in only England.. without being forced to fly every bloody day.
I still could hear his sad voice in my head when he had sighed and said ”Sorry hun.. My hands are tight there.. the people higher then me has said that after the good credits ye got with Westlife that ye should continue with that kind of work.” He had got quiet ”Yer set up to work with the Backstreet Boys ‘till sometime in June..”
So here I was.. on my way to Florida and to work with yet another famous band.
The pressure eased and I sighed. I was going to loose the few kilos I’d put on during the Christmas and the weeks after it.. until that day I had found out about ..
I sighed once again and closed my eyes, leaning my head against the headset at the same time as Bryan Adams voice was heard in my earphones. It was going to be a long flight, so I didn’t have any choice but to make the best of it.

”Screw you Nicky!” I hissed to the blond man. I was furious and Nicky was the reason to it. I closed my hands into fists and wished that I could punch him between his bloody eyes.
”Why should I ? You didn’t do your job out there so I have the right to complain!” I heard Nicky answer back.
Oh what I wished I could knock him out.. ”I did my job you retard. It was just you who had to stop and flirt with that tramp and that was what got us mobbed.. nothing else..”
”It is your job to protect me from them” he answered back and looked at me with anger in his eyes. I was stunned.
”You really are stupid.. do you really think that I would manage to hold back all those fans all by myself?”
”I don’t think.. as I said earlier.. it IS your job and I really thought that you would manage it”
I was just about to answer back when Brian’s voice was heard. ”You two stop it!” he turned to Nick ” is right.. she could hardly manage all those fans by herself and you know it Nick..” he said calmly. Nick gave me a glare, but didn’t say anything. Instead he turned his back towards me and threw himself down on the couch on the room and mumbled something that I didn’t hear, but obviously Howie heard him.
”Just cause she is a girl Nick it doesn’t mean that she don’t know what she is doing.. and she has to be good as she got to work for us” I looked up and noticed that Howie had glanced at me quickly before he turned his gaze to Nick.
I sighed and turned to Brian ”I’ll be at my room.. no meaning for me to be here when I have the rest of the day off..” I saw him give a smile and nod at me. I turned around and went to the door, there I turned around ”Thanks Brian..” I said and saw him smile again ”No problem.. It’s only your first week.. give him time and he’ll get on better thoughts”
I merely nodded on this, as I had my doubts that he would get on any better thoughts. TO be honest I didn’t care as I didn’t like Nick at all.. there was something with him that I didn’t like. I turned my back towards Brian and the rest and left the room. I was going to take a long relaxing bath and then to read a book. At the moment life felt like a bitch and I wanted to get away from it.. even if it was for just some hours…

One week and I already wanted to go home.. I flumped down on the bed and hid my face in my arms, feeling like I wanted to cry. The whole day had been a hell and what Nick had said just some minutes ago had made it even worse. But I decided not to cry.. Nick wasn’t worthy my tears and I wasn’t going to let him win over me! I wished that I had someone to talk with.. about what was bothering me.
Almost immediately my thoughts went to . I had been able to talk about everything with him.. I sighed.. Oh lord what I missed him. I rolled over on my back and stared up at the roof, thinking if I should maybe phone him. I then realised that I had forgiven him a long time ago.. It had only been my stubbornness that had been in the way of me seeing the truth. I stepped off the bed and searched for my mobile phone. When I found it I dialled his number but to my disappointment I heard ”This subscribend can not be reached, please try later” instead of his soft voice. I sighed, closed my phone and threw it on the bed. ”That was just me share of luck” I muttered and headed off to the bathroom to pour up some water for a long bath when my phone rang. Thinking that it was probably Richard, the so called boss, that was phoning me to complain about what had happened to Nick earlier, I picked up the phone without looking at the display and answered ”What do you want?” and to my surprise I heard a familiar voice at the other end ”Nice way to answer a phone”. The voice sounded drowsy but I could still hear that it was ’s.. For some seconds I didn’t know what to say.
”Sorry .. I thought you were someone else..” and then I frowned ”How did you get this number?” as I had got a new phone and number when I had arrived in the states.
I could hear at his voice that he was smiling ”I annoyed John for a while before he gave it to me, to be honest”
I sighed and sat down on the bed. ”Why did you phone me ?” I then asked as I couldn’t come up with a reason to why he would want to contact me. At first I didn’t hear anything at the other end and then I heard how cleared his throat. ”Me and have been worried about you.. specially after what happened between you and .” He got quiet and I heard him sigh ”All of us here needed to know if you were OK.. even has been worried sick.”
Now I felt how the tears started to burn behind my eye lids. I didn’t know why.. I forced back the tears and tried to sound normal ”I’m OK .. and everything is fine here. I have to admit that I am honoured that you guys miss me.. but we all need to continue with our life’s” I got quiet for some seconds.. hesitating if I should tell him that I had phoned .. feeling that I needed to get it off my chest I decided to tell him. ”…” I started ”I phoned just before you phoned me..” Now I felt how the tears I held back earlier started to run down my cheeks. ”I miss him ..” I managed to say and heard how he sighed at the other end.
”..” he paused. It was like he didn’t know what to say and then he broke the silence ” is still dating ..” I heard him say and I felt how my heart sank and heard how said something else at the same time as the doorbell to my room rang. ”..” I interrupted ”There is someone on the door.. I think its better that we hang up here” I said and heard how he sighed once again ”Ok.. I’ll phone you soon again OK?”
”OK.. take care and go back to bed again”
”Yeah I will” I heard him laugh and with that we said good bye. I closed my phone and threw it on the bed. As I went to open the door I dried away the tears in my face with my hands and tried to put on a smile, but failed. Not even bothering to check who it was at the door, I sighed and opened it. To my surprise I found Howie standing there with my wallet in his hands.

Chapter 05

The following months went by really fast. Slowly I became friend with Kevin, Brian, AJ and then Howie. But me and Nick didn’t get along at all and we avoided each other when we could and if we had to be in the same room, then we pretended that the other person wasn’t in the room and it was the best I would believe.
The one I became closest friend with was Howie, but that was all we were: Friends.. even tough Howie had once said that he had feelings for me.. that had made me flattered and I had even thought to start a relationship with him, but that hadn’t been fair for Howie as I still loved .
I even had contact with and . They phoned me now and then and I phoned them if I needed to talk to someone else than to Howie and that happened really much. I told them about everything that happened around me and how I was feeling.. except for one thing.. in the end of my working period for the Backstreet Boys I had lost a lot of weight.. Now I started to get easily tired and just a week before I quit working for them my stomach had started to refuse food at all. I couldn’t keep anything I ate, but I hid it.. I didn’t want to worry anyone and I was sure that when I got back home and got a rest, then my body would start and act like it should.
Then the last day came. Howie had been really nice and offered to drive me to the airport and so it had happened. The goodbye was really sad and it felt like we would never see each other again, even tough we knew that it would come times when we would meet and we could always talk on the phone. As I went through the gates I was happy that I hadn’t taken our friendship a step further.. it wouldn’t had worked even if I had not loved like I did..

One signal went.. two signals.. three.. four.. five.. six.. I picked up the phone with a groan ”It better be important or I’ll kill you when I can be bothered” I answered and heard John laugh at the other end ”Ye really sound welcoming when ye answer like that sweetie..” I groaned and sat up in the bed. ”What do you want John.. I want to go back to sleep” I said and yawned.
”Ye are up for an assignment again ” I heard him say and silently I started to curse. It was just typical! I had been at home for only 3 days and I was already starting to work again.. that was just my share of luck.
”Who am I working for this time and when do I start?” I then asked.. I couldn’t be bothered to complain, even if I wished John and his bosses to hell at this moment.
”Ye are starting tomorrow.. meeting Westlife at their Hotel as they arrive” I sighed when I heard this. The last persons I really wanted was to work for Westlife.. even if they were my friends.. I talked with John for one hour or so, getting rest of the information and then we went over to talk about our families and more private stuff.
As I hung up I started to feel nervous. I was going to meet tomorrow again.. I hadn’t seen him since January and now we were in June. Then I remembered that this meant I had to start and fly again.. I swallowed hard at this. I still couldn’t keep what I ate.. With a sigh I went out of bed to go and take a shower and then to start and pack the stuff I needed for my work. The only thing I wasn’t sure was if I was mentally prepared to meet again…

It was with difficulty I managed to get out of the bed the next day. I was feeling exhausted and on top of that I was starting to get down with a cold. Nervously I got ready and checked that I had packed everything, this time I had even made the decision to bring my guitar with me. Not even bothering to eat breakfast I checked in the mirror one last time, hoping that the baggy jeans and the large t-shirt would hide that I had lost too much weight these last months. I put on a baseball cap, sun glasses and then slowly made my way down to the waiting cab that would take me down to the hotel. Usually I would have walked that distance, but as I would sleep at the hotel this time I had to bring all my stuff and I would never manage to carry three full bags and a guitar all the way down there…
Anto met me in the lobby to the hotel and showed me up to my room, giving me my instructions about the job on the way up to it.
”We are staying in London for a while and then we’re off to Ireland for some days before we head off to Brazil for some charity concert. It’s going to be a hectic month for all of us, but after that there is a four week vacation before we start to work again” he said and got quiet. Then he gave me an inspecting look ”You sure you’ll manage this month ? Cause you don’t look so well to be honest”
I nodded ”Yeah I am sure that I’ll manage this month.. after that I have a month to recover so it wont be that bad. I think you’ll see if I wont manage the work anymore” I said with a confident in my voice that I really didn’t feel.
He gave me a suspicious look, but didn’t say anything. Instead he said goodbye to me and that he would phone me when there was an meeting about the schedule the coming days. I nodded and watched him walk away before I went into my room, throwing myself down on the bed, thinking on what to do until Anto phoned me.

The ringing signals from my mobile woke me up. I groaned and started to curse over all the people that had to phone me when I was sleeping.. from now on I would shut my mobile off when I slept that was one thing for sure. I searched for the mobile with my hand and soon I found it. I pressed the button and put it against my ear.
” here..” I said with my voice sounding sleepy.
”Did I wake ye?” I heard a familiar voice at the other end. I froze.. ”Gabe?” I then asked thinking I must’ve heard wrong the first time. But to my bad luck it wasn’t.
”Yeah it is me ” I heard his reply.
I sighed annoyingly ”What do you want Gabe?” I was still feeling hurt of what he had done towards me and I was going to show him that too. He hesitated on the other side of the line. ”Uhm.. I miss you …” I then heard him say and I almost started to laugh. ”You miss me Gabe? What does that have to do with me? I told you last year that I never wanted to see you again and I meant it.” I said and was about to close my phone when heard him say: ” please.. can’t we talk about it? I’m really sorry if I hurt you.. I really am”
”What is there to talk about Gabe? You had an affair with gawd knows how many girls while I worked. And to be honest.. I don’t love you Gabe.. sure I was devastated when I found out, but now I know that I didn’t love you enough… and..” I got quiet as my hand went up to my cheek. I still could remember the feeling after he had hit me. ”I still haven’t forgiven you that you hit me.. that just proofs that you weren’t the one I thought you were anyway.”
”But ..”
”No buts Gabe!! I don’t want to have anything to do with you anymore.. respect it.. now goodbye” and with that I closed my phone. I laid down my head on the pillow again and closed my eyes when the phone rang again. ”Doesn’t he fucking get it?” I said and picked up the phone. This time I read on the display who it was and calmed down when it was Anto’s name on it.

I stepped out in the lobby and slowly made my way to the conference room where the meeting was held. We had to go through the schedule for the coming days and stuff like that. When I got into the room I noticed that only had arrived. He looked up when he heard me open the door and gave me a smile at the same time as he stood up and started to come towards me. I gave him a smile we hugged quickly.
”You seem to be good ” I said as the embrace broke.
He smiled ”Yeah.. couldn’t have been better. How about you?” ”I’m fine too thanks” I smiled and ignored the look of doubt he gave me. Neither or had believed me when I’d talked to them on the phone and said that I’ve been fine. I had heard the doubt in their voices.
We talked for a while when got quiet and looked at me with a serious look. ”..” he said ”I think it’s better that I tell you this now..” he got quiet and took a deep breathe before he continued ” is engaged to ..”
I felt like someone had just punched me in the face. ”What?” I said.. not trying to hide my feelings. ”You heard me .. I found out yesterday that they are engaged, but didn’t want to talk about it so we really don’t know how that happened.” He shrugged ”None of us don’t even understand why he is still with her as all they do is argue and… his hearts not in that relationship.” He said and gave me a strange look. I was about to ask him what he meant with it when the doors opened again and the rest of the gang came in. Last of them was and he had by his side. She seemed to be glued to him. I greeted on , and with a hug.. I even gave a quick one.. but it didn’t feel right just to hug him when I wanted to wrap my arms around his neck and pull his head close to me.. to kiss his lips. quickly introduced to me and she gave me a look that I didn’t like.. it was something with it that bothered me, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was…

Slowly I picked up my guitar and put it in my lap. Slowly I started to run fingers over the strings, trying to remember all the accords I once had learnt. As I sat there, everything slowly came back to me and without even thinking I started to play a song I had learnt. I knew I didn’t have the best singing voice in the world, but at the moment I didn’t care.. and.. there wasn’t anyone around that could hear me.. Slowly I started to sing:

You are all I’ve missed even tough the tears that fell before have dried out
Lives my thoughts about how we’ve could’ve had it but
I’m maybe dreaming yet

What if you came back and showed me, gave me answers

I can not remember your voice, your words you said, your breathes
Looks out into the space
Have forgotten how you smiled when you looked at me
Said I love you
Seek the comfort within me

All time that has gone by, yes days became to years my friend
What happens afterwards
We see and we change, nothing is, becomes like before
Everything has an end
But if you came back and showed me, gave me answers

Can not remember your voice your words you said your breathes
looks out into the space
Have forgotten how you smiled when you looked at me
Said I love you
Seek the comfort within me

Can not remember your voice your words you said your breathes
looks out into the space
Have forgotten how you smiled when you looked at me
Said I love you
Seek the comfort within me

Can not remember your voice your words you said your breathes
Seek the comfort within me

I played the last accord and then slowly put away the guitar. Then I felt how tears had started to run down my cheeks. Now I felt how much I really missed .. He was so near, but I couldn’t have him back.. he was engaged to now and I didn’t really think I had a chance anymore.. Suddenly a voice that seemed familiar to me, was heard through the open balcony. My curiosity made me stand up and go to the open door.. there I heard ’s voice:
”It’s always her ! I am tired of always be the one that comes in second hand of us!”
What the hell was she on about? I thought. And who was us? As I knew it.. was only dating her at the moment. I heard mumble something back to her.
”Don’t play stupid .. it doesn’t fit you. I’ve seen the looks you have given her and I’ve even seen the looks she has given you when she’s been thinking that no one was watching her. But I did.. and I know what I saw!”
”What the hell..??” I managed to say to myself before I once again heard ’s voice as a mumble, saying something to . And then I heard her voice again.
”Don’t call me stupid! And I have the right to be jealous as I am the one you’re engaged to not her.”
I had heard enough and started to close the balcony door when I heard ’s voice clearly ”She doesn’t mean anything to me .. as you said.. I am the one who is engaged to you..” He sounded calm, but I could hear the irony in his voice and then I remembered what had said: ”His hearts not in that relationship..”
”She doesn’t mean anything to you? Why the hell did you scream her name yesterday when we had sex? As we both know my name isn’t ..”
I felt how I started to blush and quickly I closed the door. That was too much information for me. I sat down on the bed and tried to get the argue out of my head, but I couldn’t.
I couldn’t for my life why was still with her.. she seemed like a witch! And then the engagement.. WHAT had he been thinking on? I laid down on my back and closed my eyes. These last few days had been a nightmare. To work around all the time.. to see them together. I started to cough. Why couldn’t this cold get better? For no reason at all I felt how the tears started to come. Everything felt so fucked up at this moment!

When I met the next time, I couldn’t look him into his eyes. Not that I had been able before, but now it felt even harder just to look at him. We were sitting in a meeting and I could feel ’s eyes on me throughout the meeting. I couldn’t bare to look towards his direction and focused my gaze on Anto instead, sitting deep in my thoughts. Then I heard: ”.. Miss needs to be at the airport in couple of hours and I was wondering if you could be able to escort her there” I woke up from my thoughts and focused on Anto. I was just about to ask why she couldn’t take a taxi when I remembered that she was sitting in the room too. Instead I just nodded ”Sure Anto.. I can drive her” to hell if I could choose and only a one way ticket, I added in my mind and then tried to put on a smile, but failed and it only became some kind of grimace. ”Shall I take her in one of my private cars?” I then asked and saw him nod. I started to wonder why they made so much trouble about her. First I had to be her private escort and then I had to take her in one of my own cars.. Why didn’t they just let her walk to the airport? She wouldn’t die of it.. she would only get some extra exercise.. but then.. she could miss her flight to where she now was going and then come back to the hotel and then she had to walk around here, looking like she owned the place… No thanks! ”Yeah, if it ain’t too much trouble ..” Anto then said and looked at his watch. ”I think it’s better that you start and get ready, otherwise you will be late..” And with that he went over to some other stuff that was on the schedule.
Feeling like everyone’s eyes was on me, I stood up and followed out of the room, heading towards the lift. As we entered the lift I took a closer look at her. She had long hair and eyes, just like me.. but she was taller and looked better. We weren’t looking like twins or anything, but there was something with her that reminded me of me and my cousins.. some lines.. but as I looked at her face I had a feeling that the face looked evil. She met my gaze and gave me a smile, a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. I sighed and looked away.. I still didn’t know why still was with her.
”You’re the one who dated for a while..” I then heard her say.. What did she want with that? I wondered and looked up at her, meeting her eyes once more.
”Yeah.. so?” I merely shrugged, trying to look like I didn’t care.
”Didn’t know that he could have so bad taste.. good for him that I came around in that case, isn’t it?” I could see in her eyes that she was pleased with herself. I tried to look like I didn’t care, even if I wanted to plant my fist between her ugly cow eyes. ”Where do you want to come with these questions?” I asked her instead.
”I am just curious how it feels for you to work with the one that you once dated and still love..” she said and I opened my mouth to say something, but she came ahead of me as she went forward and stopped right infront of me. ”Just so you know.. is mine and you can’t have him. I have seen the looks you’ve given him when you’ve thought that no one have seen you.. and I have even seen the looks he’s given you.. I am not blind . Do not ever think that… and if I find out when I come back, that you’ve tried to hit on while I’ve been away.. then it’s sorry for you..” with that she turned away from me and at the same time the lift doors opened and she stepped out on her floor. I stood there for some seconds and then followed her out. I shook my head as she walked in front of me, moving her hips in a way that I thought that she would break them any moment.. didn’t it hurt to walk like that? And how dared she to threat me like that? I gave a sigh as I stopped by my room door. I couldn’t be bothered at the moment, but two things were for sure.. one was that really had some screws loose up in her head. That gal wasn’t sane that was obvious.. and the second.. Where the hell did find all these weirdoes? First and now … I opened the door and went inside my room to get my car keys and then headed off to my apartment, wondering if I should maybe take my Harley Davidson, just to be rude, or maybe my blue metallic coloured Porsche that I had bought to myself as an early Christmas present last year, but still hadn’t had time to drive so much…

There was an uncomfortable silence in the car as we headed off towards the airport. I glanced at the side and saw sit with her nose up in the air.. Talk about look down on people.. I thought and gave a sigh. This silence was going on my nerves. ”So..” I started, trying to start a conversation at the same time trying to be polite. My parents would kill me if someone had complained on me to be rude. ”..what was it with that made you fall for him?” I asked and saw her smile that evil smile that started to go on my nerves.
”His money..” was her answer and I almost, just almost, stood on the brakes of the car. His money? What the??
”Pardon?” I said ”His money.. you are dating him cause that he is rich and famous?” I couldn’t believe my ears.
”Yeah.. it surly wasn’t his looks that made me start and date him.” answered. ”Oh my sweet lord..” I mumbled, trying to keep my concentration on the road. I heard how she continued: ”The only thing I could like about him is his eyes in that case.. Nothing else.. and that body of his.. its disgusting..” I felt how my hands gripped harder around the steering wheel. Fucking bitch. She deserved to be shot. ”I can’t really understand those who fall in love with him” I heard her then say. My gaze left the road for some seconds as I glared at her. ”You are a fucking bitch .. You destroyed my relationship with just because he had money? You are a..” I got quiet and took a deep breathe to control my anger. I heard how she laughed. ”Pity for you .. but don’t think that you’ll have him back.. he’s mine now and as you already know.. we are engaged” and by that she showed her ring once again… I didn’t bother to look, cause maybe then I would do something that made me loose control over the car. I took another deep breathe.
”How did you manage to get him to propose?? Fake that you are pregnant?” and she gave a laugh that gave shivers down my spine.. ”Who has said anything about faking pregnancy? But who has said that it is his child?”
When I heard this I pulled the car over to the side line and stopped it. Then I turned to her. ”You are a slut you know that ? And don’t think that you’ll get away with this.. cause as soon as I get back to the hotel I’ll talk to and tell him what you’ve told me..” I said threat fully and all she did was to give a smile..
”You do that .. and I’ll play innocent.. saying it only cause you are jealous and want him back.. who do you think he’ll believe? The one who carries his ‘child’ or you? The one he was unfaithful to?” I turned away my gaze as I bit my lip.. I wanted to tell her to get out of my car but.. I sighed.. I hated her and what she had done.. I glared at her and then put on a CD on a full volume.. It was in Swedish and I was hoping that it would annoy her…

I passed some girls that sat in the lobby of the hotel and headed towards the lift. I felt knackered and on my way back to the hotel, I had got a cough attack so that it like I would cough up my lungs. Oh what I hated this cold!
As I stepped into the lift, my thoughts went back to my little ‘conversation’ with . She had destroyed my relationship with just because he was famous… nothing else and now she was forcing him into marriage, just because he thought she was pregnant with his child. The lift gave a ‘pling’ for the arrival to my floor and I stepped out and headed to my room. I had talked to Anto on my way back from the airport and had been told that I wasn’t needed anymore today…
With a sigh I flumped down on the bed and hid my face in the pillow. Soon the tears came and when they did I couldn’t stop them. I so wanted to tell about what had said.. that the child wasn’t his, but I didn’t dare. I was so afraid that he would rather believe her then me.. I couldn’t even bare the thought of it. Soon I fell asleep and I don’t know for how long I slept when the door bell all of a sudden rang. First I ignored it, hoping that who ever it was, would go away. But they didn’t. Instead the bell rang one more time. With a sigh I sat up on the bed and headed to the door. Not caring to check who it was, I opened it and to my surprise I found there with one of his hands behind his back.

For some seconds, I could only stand there looking it his face. Then I came to my senses.
”What are you doing here ?” I asked, ignoring the way he looked at my tear stained face. He cleared his throat.
”Can I come in ? ‘Cause there is something I want to talk to you about..” he gave me a pleading look and I felt how I smiled. It had been ages since someone had called me and on top of that.. I had never been able to refuse anything when he looked at me with that pleading gaze.
I turned my back to him and walked into the living room, knowing that he would follow me. I sat down on the sofa and rubbed the tears and the sleep out of my eyes.
”Are you OK ?” I heard him ask and looked up, meeting his gaze. ”Yeah I am ..” I nodded and continued ”What did you want to talk to me about?” I asked, hoping he would forget his own question.
”Oh yes.. ” he got quiet and saw him pick up a single red rose from his back. ”I’m sorry .. For everything..” I could heard the pleading tone in his voice.. I looked at the rose and felt how the tears started to burn behind my eyes. came closer and knelt in front of me, putting his free hand on my knee.
” don’t do this to me..” I managed to say at the same time as I tried to hold back the tears that was threatening to start and fall any moment now.
He moved the free hand from my knee, up to my cheek, gently brushing it. I didn’t dare to look at his face, so I closed my eyes, just to open them when I heard him say:
”Please look at me ..” and I did… I looked into the eyes that I loved so much ”Why ?” I asked.
”Cause I love you ..” he said with a low voice. I now felt how the tears started to fall down my face. I moved away my head from his hand and stood up, walking out on the balcony. ”You are engaged with .. Think on her.. on what you are doing her..” I got quiet and looked at my hands for some seconds before I ended my sentence:
”.. And think on what you are doing to me” I heard how gave a sigh and soon I felt his gentle hands on my shoulders. ” don’t mean anything to me.. and that engagement..” now he sounded bitter ”The engagement was a foolish rush from my side when I found out that she was pregnant..” I wanted to tell him what had told me but I couldn’t get the words out of my mouth. Instead I stood there quiet, feeling his soft hands massaging my shoulders. Soon started to talk again ”I know that the child isn’t mine..” I could hear the pain in his voice ”I was so happy when I first heard about the baby .. even if I didn’t love … then after that everything got a bit rushed, that I can agree now. I asked her to marry me and she said yes” his voice faded away and I heard myself asking ”How did you find out that the baby wasn’t yours?”
He gave a bitter laugh ”I heard her talk about it on the phone with someone the other morning.. she must’ve thought that I was still asleep or something, as she was still in the bedroom when she talked about it..” he gave a sigh ”I’ve been a fool .. in any possible way..” I felt how his hand started to move from my shoulders and slowly move down my back. The tears that had stopped falling while he had talked about , started to fall again.
”I love you so much .. I’ve never stopped loving you and I don’t think that I’ll ever will stop .. please..”
”I love you too but..” I turned around to face him , to look into his eyes.. ”How will I know that you will never do this to me again?”
He gave me a small smile ”Because I promise you from the bottom of my heart” he moved his hand and cupped it under my chin ”And because of this..” he said and lowered his head.

Chapter 06

Slowly I moved my fingers in circles on his chest, listening to his easy breathing.
Me and had made love earlier this night and now I was lying here with my head on his shoulder while his arm was wrapped around my waist. was back with me again and I was happy about it.. but at the same time I felt bad as we went behind ’s back. Sure.. she was cheating on him and everything thing but still.. They were still engaged and I had once made a promise to myself that I would never have an affair with a taken man.. and now I was doing just that!
I sighed and tried to push away those negative thoughts. I was back in ’s arms again, back in the arms of the one I love with all of my heart. I gave another sigh.
”Is it really that depressing to be with me ?” ’s voice woke me up from my thought and I moved my head so that I could look at his face in the damp darkness. Our lips met in a slight kiss before I answered.
”Sorry babe.. I was just thinking on something..”
”It was something about us huh?” he asked and I felt how his thumb slowly started to move on my waist.
I bit my lip. had from the start been able to look through me and I knew that he would be able to find out sooner or later what I was thinking on. So I decided that it was better that I told him it now then later.
”..” I hesitated ”We are going behind ’s back.. You are cheating on her and well.. ”I heard how he took in breathe to say something, but I put my finger on his lips. ”Listen to me please ..” I pleaded and heard how he gave a sigh, but he didn’t say anything. ”I once gave myself the promise not to ever date a taken man .. as I know the pain it causes when the other partner finds out.. ” I felt how the tears came back when I thought on the pain I had felt when I had found out that had cheated on me.
”And now I’m doing just that .. I am breaking my own promise. Every time I touch you, kiss you.. every time I’m with you will remind me of that broken promise…” for some strange reason the tears started to fall now. hadn’t tried to say anything since I had stopped him and now as I had talked I had felt his tensed his body had become.
”I Love you .. I love you more then I thought it was possible to love someone, but I can’t be with you as long as you’re engaged to ..” I finished mumbling.
I felt how took away his hand from my waist and sat up on the bed, turning his back to me.
”I can’t break our engagement just yet ..” I heard him mumbled after some moments of silence. I felt how my heart fell. This hadn’t been the answer I had hoped for.
”I need the proof that the child isn’t mine ..” he took a deep breathe ”And if I break the engagement now, then she can maybe disappear and I can’t allow it.”
”You’ll marry her if the child is yours ?” I managed to ask at the same time as silent tears started to fall down my cheek once again. Oh my sweet Lord… Please don’t do this to me.. don’t let me loose now.. now when I’ve just got him back.. Silently I started to pray inside while I waited for his answer. Then I saw how he shook his head in the darkness. ”No I can’t marry her ..” He turned around and gave me a smile ”Not when I have you back, but..” he turned away again, showing me his back one more time. ”There is still a small chance that the baby is mine and I can’t take the risk and let her go before I have the answers” his voice faded away and he hung with his head.
I wiped away the tears with my hand and pressed the blanket against my chest as I sat up on the bed and moved so that I was just behind .
He must have been deep into his own thoughts as he gave a small jump when I put my hand on his shoulder. He then put one of his hands above it and met my gaze in the darkness.
I would have bad feelings about this as long as was in a relationship with , but I didn’t care. I loved way too much just to walk out on him when he needed support and.. wouldn’t be hurt when, or if, she found out that had been unfaithful to her. That greedy cow would only be pissed off that she lost his money, nothing else.
I planted a kiss on ’s neck and heard him gave a small sigh as I let my other free hand walk up his tensed back, over his shoulder and down his chest.
Promises like the one I had made to myself was made to be broken when it was a situation like this and I didn’t want to miss the few days I had with before the head-witch came back to earth..

”You should really check up your weight loss ” said as I stood in front of a mirror in the bedroom, trying out some clothes that me and had been shopping the other day. I sighed and looked and him through the reflection in the mirror. ”I’ve told you it’s nothing . It’s just cause of all the flying I’ve lost weight. As soon as I stop it I promise you that I’ll gain weight again” I said and immediately I felt bed that I had lied to him. I had managed to hide from him these few days we’d been together, that I couldn’t keep any food. We’d had room service most of the time and eaten together, but hopefully he hadn’t noticed that I disappeared off to the toilet couple of minutes after that we had finished eating.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror. Sure.. I had lost much weight and stuff, but I wasn’t THAT thin.. I didn’t think so anyway. I turned around to face .
”Are you sure we can’t forget to pick up at the airport?” I asked trying to sound innocent. I was going to the airport in one hour to pick her up and was going to join me this time.
It had been some wonderful days and now ’s arrival changed it. Now I couldn’t have near me during the days and not be able to feel his arms around me during the nights..
”Don’t joke about stuff like that ” I head say with a laugh ”How would you feel if someone who had promised to pick you up on the airport didn’t show up?”
”I would get angry.. sure.. but I would take a taxi in that case.. At least I wouldn’t die of it” I added with sarcasm.
He shook his head, but didn’t say anything. Instead he stood up and got close to me, wrapping his arms around my waist.
”I’m sure going to miss doing this to you” he sad as he looked into my eyes and our lips met in a kiss. I had a comment on what he just had said. He could always break up with and everything would be just fine.. but I didn’t say it. Instead I wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed him back.

Hand in hand we went to the lift and stepped inside. There we kissed one last time and as the lift stopped at the lobby we broke apart and headed off to my car that was waiting outside the hotel. Me walking a few steps ahead of .
As we stopped in front of the car, I threw the keys to . ”You drive babe” I said and couldn’t help but to smile when I saw the joy written in his eyes. He smiled back at me and I laughed shaking my head and soon we were out on the freeway with the wind rushing through our hair as the roof of the car was pulled down.
Way too soon we arrived at the airport and turned off the engine of the car with a sigh. Then he turned his face to me and put a hand on my cheek.
”Don’t forget that I love you sweetie..” he said and I felt how the tears threatened to fall. It would be so hard to be around him almost 24/7 and not be able to tough him or to kiss his gentle lips. For the millionth time I wished back to hell.. I managed to give a smile.
”I love you too babe.. I love you too..” I said and with that he gave a small smile and removed his hand from my face and stepped out of the car. With a sigh I followed him. This was going to be a hard time.. I had a feeling about it. I just hoped and prayed that wouldn’t take too long time to find out if the child was his or not..

As we walked out to the car, grabbed ’s arm and almost hung on it, having the look on her face like she was owning him. I could see at the look of ’s face that he was surprised by this move and then it hit me that either tried to make me jealous or trying to show me that was forbidden area for me. And I had to admit that both things worked. I was jealous of as it could have been me walking beside him, holding his hand.. and now when was around was forbidden area for me.. but just as long as was around.. I listened to their forced conversation and gave a sigh. I couldn’t for my life understand how had managed all these moths with that thing! And I didn’t for my life understand what he hadn’t broke up with her before all this had happened.
As we arrived by the car, threw me the car keys.
”You gals sit in the car and wait K? I forgot to do something..” he said and gave a small, excusing smile before he went towards the terminal entrance once more.
I watched him enter the terminal and then heard ’s voice ”I can’t believe that I’m engaged with that fucking looser!” she said with a disappointing tone in her voice. I glared at her. ”You can always break up the engagement ye know..” I answered back and locked up the car doors before I sat down at the drivers seat, not caring to help with putting her bags in the back trunk.. she could do that all by herself. When she was done with that, she sat down on the passengers seat. ”I really can’t understand how a person could fall in love with him” she continued and I tried to ignore her by thinking on the nights me and had shared. Then I heard her say: ”The guy isn’t even good in bed for crying out loud!” I almost choked when I heard it. not good in bed? I wasn’t so picky as , but surely could satisfy me.. that was one thing for sure! I turned my gaze to her. ”You know .. The only reason that can’t satisfy you is maybe cause you just lie there as cold as a fish” I told her and to my satisfaction, I saw how her face slowly got a red tone. I continued to talk ”You should probably enjoy it more of you had feelings for him.. As ’s the best lover I’ve ever had” I didn’t tell her that I’d only slept with two other guys before I had met .. what she didn’t know couldn’t hurt her.. By now ’s face was pure red. She turned to me with anger written all over her face and opened her mouth to say something when ’s voice was heard. ”You girls having a nice bit of gossip?” Both me and looked up and saw him standing by the passengers seat, smiling at his own joke. I glared at him. Oh if looks could kill! ”I hate you ” I answered and reached out my tongue at him which send him laughing.
”I love you too ” and then turned to . His usual happy face turned a bit cold as he looked at her. ”You mind getting out of the car so that I can sit in the back seat or do I have to jump over you?” he asked without any warmth in his voice. just looked at him with an empty face and didn’t move. She just sat there. I could see how ’s face darkened and made a move to get out of the car.
”You drive and I’ll sit in the back seat.. ” I said.
”No .. it’s ok.. It’s just that I thought that some people could be polite” he said. I gave a sigh. Why did it feel like was trying to start an argument on purpose? I gave him a pleading look. ”..” I said.. I wanted to call him sweetie too, but I couldn’t as long as was around. ”.. please. Not here and now and not when I’m around OK?” I pleaded.. All of a sudden I felt exhausted and all I wanted to do was to go to bed and sleep.
’s eyes met mine and he gave a sigh. With one last look at , he jumped into the back seat, placing himself on the seat so he sat between me and the head witch. Quickly I met his gaze in the back mirror and then started the car, ignoring the angry look gave me. I didn’t want to think on that she might have suspected that something had changed in the relationship between me and after she had left. As we headed out to the highway, I put on a CD with The Ark. I heard how groaned when the music started to flow through the speakers. ”You still listen to this shit?” I heard him ask with cry in his voice. I only laughed as an answer and turned up the volume. had never liked The Ark and this was a good and fun way to torture him as he wasn’t able to reach the CD player.. and I didn’t think that dared to do anything as this wasn’t her car and as I didn’t like her for one bit, she risked to loose both her fingers and her hand if she came anything near the CD player without my permission…

Two days later I was sitting and eating breakfast together with and . To be more exact, they were eating while I was just having a cup of tea.
Then entered the room, closely followed by . I looked up, trying to meet ’s gaze as it had become like a ritual to do so whenever one of us entered a room, but this time he didn’t meet my gaze. Instead he looked away, avoiding me. I frowned and followed him with my gaze as he went towards and and sat down next to . Was it just me or did it look like he was ashamed of something? Then I noticed how someone sat down next to me and I turned my attention to that person. I groaned within me when I saw that I had to so called pleasure to sit by .. As I looked at her face I noticed that she was smiling and for some reason it gave me bad feelings.. The witch was up to something.. that smiled said everything. I gave her an annoyed look at the same time as I took a sip of my tea. Still holding the cup in both of my hands I then asked her ”What do you want ?” it was clear that she had waited for me to ask her just that. She smiled ever wider now. ”Well .. You remember what you told me at the airport about being a good lover?” she then asked. I frowned and tried to recall the ‘conversation’ in my head. As I started to remember what had been said, I started to get an even worse feeling that something bad was about to happen.
I then nodded ”Yeah.. I do remember what was said .. what about it?” I asked trying to sound like this conversation was making me bored. As she started to smile even wider I started to feat that she was going to break her jaw any moment.. She started to finger with a lock of her hair. ”I did as you told me and you were right.. He is a good lover..” and turned her smile into a ‘wicked’ one.
I almost dropped my teacup when I heard this, but I managed to keep my face on. I took another sip of the tea and then put it down before I turned my attention back to her again.
”So?” I asked ”What does that have to do with me?”
shrugged ”I just wanted you to know..” and gave and innocent smile.
I looked at her as she was stupid and then stood up. I had to get ready for my ‘boss and employee’ meeting with John and I would rather spend a long time getting dressed, then to talk with that… urgh thing! I took a step and stopped walking. I then turned my attention to that thing again and put on an innocent face before I started to talk loud enough so that everyone by the table could hear what I had to say. ”By the way .. I really have to ask you this.. Has he stopped with it or is he still screaming my name every time you have sex?” To my satisfaction, her face turned read at the same time as I heard someone splutter at his tea. I looked to that direction and saw drying his mouth, while was shaking of silent laughter. I didn’t dare to look at as I knew that he probably wished that looks could kill. I met ’s gaze when he looked up and gave me a wink. But as I walked out of the room I didn’t feel any satisfaction over my so called revenge.

I sank down on the bed and gave a sigh. Why the hell did I have to say what I said to ? Me and my big mouth.. I sighed again and then looked at my watch. It was over three hours left till I was meant to meet up with John.. slowly I stood up from the bed. I decided to take a long shower before I tried to find what to wear for the meeting.. three hours was a long time wasn’t it? I just hoped that the shower would take away my thought of what had happened not so long ago, but I really doubted it. I gave a shrug and went to the bathroom. There was nothing I could do about it now. What was said had been said and I couldn’t turn back time to fix it..

I stepped out of the bathroom as I rubbed my hair dry with a towel. The sun shone into the room and made it feel like I had stepped into a sauna so I went to the balcony and opened the door before I sat down on the bed and started to flick through the channels. As I did this I came to one conclusion.. DAY TIME TV SUCKS! So I ended up with listening to MTV as I started to go through my wardrobe, trying to find something to wear for my meeting. It was a warm and sunny day in London, so walking around in jeans was probably a bad idea.. In the end I decided for a long, red summer dress that I thought would go perfectly with the suntan I had got from my time with the Backstreet Boys.
Picking up the dress I noticed that it needed ironing, and I who hated doing that! But I didn’t have any other choice then to pick out the iron + board.
I hadn’t come far with the ironing when I heard angry voices coming from the balcony direction. At first I ignored it, but then I recognised first ’s voice and then ’s. Sighing I put down the iron and wondered why they even stayed together when all they did was to argue and they didn’t even love each other! Well.. I knew why was with .. but on the other hand should’ve broke up with her a long time ago as according to , and hadn’t done anything but arguing ever since they had got together.
I gave another sigh and looked up at the ceiling as the argue continued. ”Please let find out if the child is his soon Lord.. So that he and I can be together again.. If he wanted it after this morning..” I mumbled and went to close the balcony door.
As I came closer to the door the voices became clearer and clearer.
”Leave out of this ! Why do you have to go and mention her all the time? And to disturb her?” I heard say with a furious voice.
”I haven’t done anything to her ! You are just imagining things! And besides.. why do you care?” Was ’s reply. I frowned. What was the meaning with this argue anyway?
”You haven’t done her anything? What did you do this morning in that case?” said and I could hear the frustration in his voice. Almost immediately ’s reply came.
”It’s none of your business. I just told her one innocent thing! How the hell should I know that she would get upset over it? And how the hell did she know it?”
I felt how I blushed. Standing and listening to other peoples argues seemed to become a habit for me..
”Innocent? Nothing about you is innocent ! You are a devil in disguise. You are evil, lying and manipulating! What the hell did you tell anyway?”
”Oh, it’s now? And I’ve told you that it isn’t any of your business what I told her”
”I am so sick and tired of your games.” I heard how lowered his voice now and all that I could hear was him saying something, but I couldn’t hear what it was. Then as I was about to move away from the balcony I heard his voice loudly again.
”Yes I know about the child .. and I know it probably isn’t mine.. I am not that stupid as you think I am..”
I heard mumble something as an answer and then ’s voice was heard once again.
”Tomorrow, early in the morning before we leave for Brazil. You and I are going to the doctor and we are going to take a test.. If the child isn’t mine.. Then I never want to see you again.. understood?” He got quiet for some seconds.. like he was waiting for a reply from .. nothing was said from her and I heard speak again.
”And even if the child is mine.. This engagement is over. If it shows that the child is mine.. which I really doubt.. then I’ll do the best I can for it.. but I don’t want to have anything to do with you from now on.. and if you try and hide.. I can always find you..”
”You are just trying to find excuses so you can be with that tramp !” was heard for the first time ever since had told her about the child.
”Don’t try and blame things on me ! You have used me from the start, just for your own reasons, but not anymore.. You’ve never loved me and I’ve never loved you.” Was ’s reply. I heard how started to laugh. It sent shivers down my spine for some reason.
”Love? .. Love has never been in the picture.. And beside.. Who can ever love you? And then.. I don’t really think you can love anyone ..”
”What do you know ? I love more then anything in the world.. and I regret that I ever broke her trust with someone like you.. and I hope and pray that loves me..” I felt how I blushed one more time as I heard this. Feeling how tears started to fill my eyes I started to move away from the balcony door when I heard talk again.
”You can keep both the rings . I don’t want to have anything that reminds me off this nightmare period..” and then shortly after I heard how the door next to my room slammed as walked out.
I stood there for a while, waiting or maybe hoping that he would come to my room. But nothing happened.. I felt how the tears that had threatened to fall earlier started to fall now.. Maybe the words had told to earlier was just empty talk? Slowly I went into the room and turned off the iron before I threw myself on the bed and let the tears come… I didn’t know how long I laid there but suddenly I heard how it knocked on the door. I decided to ignore it but after a while I heard how it knocked again.
”Go away” I lifted my head and yelled.. But the only reply was that it knocked a third time. With a sigh I realised that the person wouldn’t go away so I got out of bed and not caring that I had red, puffy eyes I opened the door, just to freeze when I saw standing there…

If someone thought this was a fun joke, then that person had a really bad sense of humour. I was sitting on the plane that would take us to Brazil and for some, not fun at all, reason they had placed me next to . The excuse had been that the group, inclusive Anto were having a meeting to discuss the schedule for Brazil and still like that and the security wasn’t needed as we were several thousand feet up in the air and there wasn’t a fan in sight.
But no one had given me an explanation to why! was flying with us.. and there wasn’t any idea for me to ask either as he was still angry on me after this morning…
Everything had gone well until it had been time for breakfast. I had ordered my usual cup of tea when had asked me why I hadn’t ordered anything else. I had given the excuse that I couldn’t eat anything before I flew, but he hadn’t bought it. Instead he had started to argue with me about it, saying that I never ate anymore and stuff like that. It had ended with me snapping at him, saying that he should mind his own fucking business and stop putting his bloody nose in mine.. After that hadn’t say one single word to me.
I noticed in the corned of my eye how moved around in her seat. Giving a sigh I leant my head against the headcase and closed my eyes. This was going to be a long light and probably more boring then usually, so it was maybe a good thing if I just fell asleep for a while as I did feel dead tired.. the only bright thing with everything was that my cold had gone…

Chapter 07

Far away I heard voices that became louder and louder for each second. I didn’t open my eyes as my senses woke up. Then after a while I opened my eyes and yawned. Lord it felt cold.. usually it did feel a bit cold on a plane, but not as this or maybe did I feel like this cause I had been asleep and just woke up? Yeah it probably was because of that.. Yawning one more time, I sat up in a more comfortable position and looked out through the airplane window before I started to search through my rucksack that I always had with me, for a sweatshirt or something else that was a bit warmer then the T-shirt I was wearing at the moment.
Not finding anything I decided to check the back I had put up oh the shelves above, so I turned around to ask if she could move, just to find that she wasn’t there. Instead it was sitting there, fast asleep. Should I wake him up or should I let him sleep? I was freezing really much.. but he would probably get really annoyed if I woke him up, specially after our argue this morning.. So I decided to wait until he woke up.
Leaning back in my seat I started to rub my arms just to get them a bit warm when I heard say. ”Why don’t you put on a sweatshirt if you are freezing ?”
I jumped at this as I had thought that he was asleep and not prepared that he would speak.
”That was what I wanted to do, but my sweatshirt is in my other bag..” I replied, looking at him quickly before looking away again. I still felt really stupid after my childish behaviour this morning.
I heard how he gave a sigh and in the corner of my eye I could see how he stood up to check through the shelf above us. As he rummaged through what I thought was my bag I glanced at his face. I knew that I probably should apologise for this morning. I cleared my throat.
”.. we need to talk” I said and saw how he stopping going through the bag and looked at me for some seconds before going back to what he had been doing and soon he pulled out a sweatshirt, sat down in his seat again and handed over the piece of clothing to me.
”Hope this will do” he said ”Your bag was behind my stuff so I took one of mine instead”
I mumbled a thank you as I took it and pulled it over my head.
”Yeah we need to talk .. ” I heard say as I did it. There was something in his voice that made me get a very bad feeling about something.
” if it is about this morning.. I’m really sorry for it..” I started but he held up a hand to shut me up.
”It doesn’t have anything to do with this morning ..” he got quiet and looked away. Then he moved back his gaze me and took a deep breathe.
”John phoned Anto yesterday after you had met him.. Apparently he knows about you and me..” his voice faded away.. I frowned.
”What? How the hell can he know about it? I haven’t told him anything and he didn’t say anything to me about it yesterday..” I said.. this wasn’t good at all.
”I know ..” he sighed and looked down on lap. ”Anto wants us to break up until you finish working for us.. cause otherwise it will get legal actions or something like that”
”But… the contract is till Christmas!” I complained. This couldn’t be true! I groaned and then looked out the window before turning back my attention to .
”So you mean we have to break up?” I asked at the same time as I prayed within me that we would come up with a way to get out of this. I saw how slowly moved his head up and down.
”Yeah..” he sighed again and then looked at me. ”.. is there any way for you to break the contract?” He then asked, looking like a small child in a sweet shop, but the excitement faded away when I shook my head. I felt like I wanted to cry.
”No sorry sweetie.. The only way I can break the contract or get away from it, is if I get really ill and can’t do my duties any more.. and I don’t think a simple cold belongs to that category..” I tried to joke but he didn’t smile. Instead he just gave another heavy sigh.

”.. wake up were about to land” ’s voice brought me back to reality. I opened my eyes and yawned. Lord I felt tired and down.. and on top of that I was still freezing like a mad one. Me and had talked most of the trip, but I had felt tired so in the end I had fallen asleep again.
”You OK?” I heard ask, sounding worried when he saw how my hands shook. I just nodded and looked out the window as the plane was about to land.
As we went to the costumes I got a major chock. The place was crowded with screaming fans! I felt how I started to panic.. We were never getting through those without getting ripped apart. I turned around and saw that Paul was in a large discussion with Dave, the other security, while all five lads looked a but terrified.. and I could totally understand them.
”!” Paul then yelled at me to come over. I hurried up to them and he started to talk.
”We will never manage to get the guys out through the main entrance, so I’m going to fix so we can get the cars to the back entrance. OK? You and Dave stay here and I’ll be back as soon as everything is fixed..” and with that he went away.
”What is the plan?” and Anto came over to us and soon , , , and joined us. We told them that we were taking the back entrance and I could see in their faces that they were revealed.. and so was I to be honest. I was freezing like hell even if it was warm outdoors and I still felt tired, so all I wanted to do now was to get to the hotel and sleep..

We left the airport through the back entrance and cause of the mayhem at the front of the hotel, it got decided that we would drive up to the back entrance of it.
I got the feelings that we were thief’s or something with all this sneaking around, but at least it was better then to be ripped apart by some crazy and really overexcited fans..
As we waited in the lobby for our rooms to get ready, we could hear the fans screaming and cheering outside. Lord this was crazy! This was even worse then Asia for crying out loud, and I who had thought that nothing could beat that.. but apparently I had been wrong.
”we will have a hard time getting out of here if the fans go to the back entrance as well” I heard say as he sat down next to me. I nodded.
”Yeah.. I never thought that it could be sucha madness over five ordinary guys..” I said and gave a cheeky smile. He laughed and then I heard a familiar voice say:
”Try with ten ordinary guys ..”
I looked towards the direction from the voice had come and to my surprise I saw Howie standing there, accompanied Nick and Kevin.
”Oh my God!” I managed to squeak as I stood up to go and give him a hug. It hadn’t been long since I had said goodbye to him at the airport in the states, but I had missed him a lot!
”What are you guys doing here?” I asked at the same time as I broke away from the embrace.
”We are here to the charity show that is in the end of the week and how about you? I thought that you were on vacation, taking it easy…” he asked me and giving me a look.
”Yeah, I was supposed to have vacation, but John phoned me after three days and informed me that I had got a new assignment.. so here I am” I explained and gave a shrug at the same time as I tried to sound cheerful. Then I finally gave Kevin a quick hug while me and Nick only nodded at each other. Nick was probably the only one of the guys that I hadn’t missed one single bit.
and came over to greet on them as well and soon all of us, the three Backstreet Boys and all of Westlife + company, sat on the lobby and discussing the situation outside the hotel.
”It will be really tough if the fans come to the back doors as well..” Paul said after a while, but Kevin shook his head to this.
”You don’t have to worry about it… There is some underground tunnels that we use.. they don’t go to the backside of the Hotel for some reason”
They continued to talk, but I didn’t listen any more. I was dead tired and I froze so much.. All I wanted was that our rooms got ready so that I could go to bed and wrap a warm blanket around me.
The conversations went on for a while and then, very much to my happiness, a receptionist came over to us, telling that our rooms were ready. After speaking to the receptionist Anto turned to us.
”OK.. here is the deal. We’ve got the last available rooms at the hotel as there has been some kind of mix up with our booking. There were only six rooms for us, so that meant that means that some of us needs to share. and will share one room and the rest that will share is and ” at this I gave a look and he gave an excusing smile and mouthed ”explain later”.
” and ” Anto continued ”Paul and Dave.. Then me will get one room and will get the last one.. Is that ok?” he asked and everyone nodded their head as an answer. I had a feeling that at the moment they would’ve been happy to get a piece of carpet to sleep on.. I know that I would’ve been happy to get one anyway. Anto gave out the room keys and as we walked towards the lifts I started to walk a bit behind the rest and joined me.
”What is this about you and sharing room?” I asked him, trying not to sound jealous.
”Sorry for that sweetie” he replied ”’s with us till we get the results for the test.. and we are supposed to be engaged..” he let the rest of the sentence hang in the air.
”Hey !” Howie joined us ” just told me that you two are engaged” He gave a a smile which replied, but it was really a forced one.
”Congratulations man!” and reached out his hand. shook it ”Thanks.. how come told you it? As we haven’t got out with the ehh news yet”
‘And they never will..’ I added in my mind. Lord that cow should be shot! We could maybe claim that she had the mad cow decease.. well.. she WAS British..
We stepped into the lift as and Howie continued to talk. had managed to get into the subject ‘cars’ instead for his oh so ‘beloved’ fiancee.
”I heard that you and aren’t allowed to date” whispered to me as we waited for the doors to close.
I turned my gaze to her ”You’ve heard wrong ..” I answered ”We’ve just taken a break as long as I work for the group.. after taht we’re back together again..” which was almost the truth.. we HAD taken a break, even if none of us had been happy with that suggestion..
”It’s a long time till Christmas .. much can happen till then, specially if you two work so close as you do..” she gave me one of the smiles which I hated with all of my heart and a little bit more. I gave her a cold smile.
”You should really check up that sick and twisted brain of yours .. or are you maybe afraid that they will find out that you don’t have one?” I couldn’t hold back that question as it popped up in my head. At the same time the lift doors opened and we stepped out at our floor while Howie went back down to his.
I only gave a look and a small smile before I went to search for my room. I hoped and prayed that these months to Christmas would go fast.. cause had been right: Much could happen till then..

Lord my head felt like it was going to explode any moment.. I groaned and tried to find a more comfortable position at the same time as I pulled the blanket tighter around me as it was freezing cold in the room. After some minutes I sat up in the bed with a sigh. I couldn’t lie down.. I went out of the bed and started to go through my packing on the hunt for some pills against this bloody headache. Soon I found some and swallowed one together with some water and then went back to bed, waiting that the pill was gonna start to work. In the end I gave up. The only thing I managed with his was to feel like I was going to throw up any moment. So once again I stepped out of the bed, this time to get dressed and go down to the rest for some breakfast… If someone was up at ehhh.. I turned my head to look at the clock that was on the TV.. at half six in the morning.
Soon I was going down the stairs to the dining room and as I entered it, I saw that almost everyone was awake.
”Good morning sleepyhead” was the first one to notice me. Then the others looked up and did the same. I mumbled a ‘good morning’ as I went to the only empty seat that was between and . I hadn’t even managed to sit down when gave me an unhappy look.
”What are you doing out of bed when you don’t feel good ?” he asked and by the way he looked at me, I knew that he wouldn’t let this rest until I was back in my room.. but still.. I had to object..
”I’m fine ..” I said as I sat down. I saw how he frowned and gave me a closer look.
”Why don’t you go to bed again?” he asked and this time started to talk too.
”Yeah.. You look like hell if I am going to be honest”
I turned my head and looked at him coldly and then turned my attention back to .
”I am fine.. honestly.. I just have a headache, but that is all..” I said trying to sound like it was everything, but if the truth should get through.. I felt like shit!
raised an eyebrow and looked over at before his gaze went back to me.
”Oh really ?” he said ”How come then that you are wearing a thick sweat shirt while the rest of us are almost sweating to death in our T-shirts?” he asked with a smile.
Bloody jerk! I just looked away, not saying anything as I didn’t know what to say. I hate when he did this to me!
”Come one , you’re going back to bed.:” I heard him say and how he stood up. With a sigh I too stood up, I couldn’t be bothered to argue with him, cause he would win in the end anyway.
I felt how everyone’s eyes were on us as me and went out of the room. We were supposed to have broke up and still we were laving the room together.. with holding me by my arm..
On the way to the lift we bumped into Howie, but didn’t stop to talk to him. Instead he said a ‘good morning’ in the passby, pulling me in the direction to the lift so I didn’t have any other choice but to do the same.. Poor Howie looked really confused by this as he watched us step inside the lift.
”Was that really necessary?” I asked the moment the doors closed. just looked at me and shrugged as he pressed the button for our floor.
”Ive told you that I am OK .. Why don’t you believe me?” I then asked, feeling a bit annoyed.
”You aren’t OK ” he said calmly ”For the first.. we are in Brazil and even tough it is autumn here everyone is wearing thin clothes… everyone except you that is.. and for the second. Have you looked yourself in the mirror before you left the room?” he got quiet as he waited for an answer. I just shook my head.. No I hadn’t checked how I looked.. This made sigh ”.. you have feverish eyes and you can notice on a long distance that you’re not feeling well”
The lift stopped and the lift doors slid open. I was about to step out of the lift when grabbed my arm.
”This is not our floor ” he just said pulling me further into the lift at the same time as Nick and two girls in our age entered. They pressed the lobby button and the doors closed before the lift continued its slow was to the top floor.
let go of my arm, instead he wrapped one of his arm around my waste, making my back press against his chest. I didn’t have a clue why he did this, but as I leant against the chest I didn’t care.. I had missed this so much.. Nick only nodded at us as a greeting, but he did look strange on us. The looks gave me a creepy feeling…
”.. what are you doing?” I asked in the end, quiet enough so that all the rest was only hearing whispers. He lowered his head and I could hear his breathing.
”Because, don’t ask so much sweetie” he said and that was that.
Soon enough the lift stopped at the top floor and me and went out.
”..” I started to talk but he interrupted me.
”.. what ever you have to say or ask.. don’t ok?” he didn’t wait for a reply as he stared to walk in front of me to my room.
As we stepped into it he started to talk again.
”you go and change and I’ll do you a cup of tea so long” When I didn’t move he sighed.
”.. you either do as I say or you’ll regret it later on” he gave a cheeky smile ”Not that I would mind..”
Now it was my turn to sigh.
”.. I am fine.. honest.. and beside.. I can’t go back to bed as I have a job to do”
shook his head to this. ”You’re not going anywhere with a fever and you wouldn’t be any help if you did. So you either do as I say or I’m going to force you”
I was about to object but then closed my mouth as I saw on his face that he had meant what he said. Now I felt how tired I really were, so without saying anything more I started to change into my pyjamas.
”Good girl” I heard say as he was doing something with the water boiler. ”When you’re done, lay down on the bed” he continued. This made me annoyed.
”I am not a bloody child ..” I complained, but I did as he told me.
My eyes got heavy the moment I put my head on the pillow and within minutes I fell asleep. Then half asleep I felt ’s hand brushing my fore head and cheek.
”What am I going to do with you ?” He asked but I was too tired to reply.

”Don’t complain Paul.. This is really not any of your business” ’s voice was heard and I tried to focus on it.. but everything felt so far away.
”.. Anto told you that you two should break up, but by the way you have been acting the last 24 hours shows that you haven’t” Paul’s vice was heard how.
Everything felt so strange and I felt so tired.. as I laid in hte bed I kept my eyes closed as it felt too much of an effort to open them.
” and I’ve broke up Paul. Or should I say that we’ve only taken a break in our relationship? Cause that’s what we’ve done. Do you really think that I would sit by and do nothing while she is like she is? No.. I don’t think that Paul. For you she is just some employee that’s got sick.. but for me..” he got quiet and I heard him sigh ”Just because we’re forced to take a break it doesn’t mean that our feelings have done the same..” I then heard him say in a low voice.
” you are supposed to be engaged with .. but you haven’t given her a look since you and left the breakfast yesterday morning”
”I don’t care about . The only reason to why she is with us on this trip is cause I want to keep an eye on her till I get the answers from the doctor”
”You are really keeping an eye on her from your ex-girlfriends bedroom you know that?”
”It’s none of your business Paul and I don’t care about at the moment.. is everything that means to me at the moment” got quiet for some seconds before I heard him continue ”Where is that bloody doctor anyway? Shouldn’t he be here by now?” and I heard home someone moved around in the room.
Jesus.. was it just me or was it really warm on the room? My mouth felt like the Sahara desert. With an effort I managed to opened my eyes as I rolled to the side.
”You two can manage to wake up the dead.. you know that?” I mumbled with a rough voice. Both Paul and turned their heads to my direction at this. Paul cleared his throat and looked at .
”I’ll send up someone with the doctor when he arrives” and with that he left the room.
I sat up on the bed and was just about to step out of it when ’s voice stopped me.
”And what exactly are you doing ?” he asked me. I looked at him as he was stupid.
”I am getting out of the bed .. What else? It’s warm in her and I need some water too” and made a new effort to get out of the bed, but once again stopped me.
”You’re not going anywhere ”
”But..” I started but he cut me off.
”No buts ” he said and then continued with a softer voice as he sat down on the bed next to me, putting one of his hands gently on my cheeks as he looked into my eyes.
”It’s the best of you stay in the bed until the doctor comes OK sweetie? If he say that it’s OK for you to leave the bed then I wont keep you in it.. ” and smiled softly. I nodded ant felt how the room started to spin around, making me feel seasick. gave a wide smile.
”Good girl!” he said and brushed my cheek. I lifted my hand and put it in on top of his, caressing it and then he gave a sigh.
”Christmas can’t get here soon enough” he said and took away his hand. This made me sigh too, but before I could say anything about it, changed subject as he stood up.
”Do you want me to get anything for you?” he asked, sounding a bit too cheerful for me.
”Yes please..” I answered ”Could you get me a water ? My mouth feels like a desert” I sad and he nodded too.
”Yeah I can get you one, but I think I have to go over to my room and get it cause I drank the last bottle earlier today” and gave me a sheepish smile. I couldn’t help but to giggle.
”You do so ” I said and cut him off as he opened his mouth to say something ”And I promise that I wont leave th3e bed” I said and he gave a nod.
”OK.. be back in a few..” he said and with that he left the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I felt how my eyelids started to get heavier and heavier, I laid down again and pulled up the blanket. I was just gonna rest until came back with my water..

”Just leave me alone ! I am not a little child you know” It had gone two days since the doctor had examined me and giving the diagnose the diagnose ‘exhaustion’. All the travelling and working without a break, specially the mental one, had taken on my body’s defence system and now my body had done something against it. I had been ordered total rest and had been told to stay in bed.. much to ’s happiness. It had gone OK the first day, but today it was much more difficult for me to stay in bed as I was restless and it made me.. lets just say I was a bit cranky.
At the moment was trying to get me to eat a little before the doctor came again.
He had got worried when he had noticed that i couldn’t keep any food at all, thinking that I might had the flu or some other decease.
”Then stop acting like a small child and eat just eat the goddamn soup” snapped back at me.
This made me feel a bit bad. I was acting a bit childish I knew that.. and my bad mood seemed to have made on a bad mood too..
Not saying anything more, I continued to play with the soup, stirring it with my spoon. This made give an frustrating sigh and he started to mumble things at the same time as there was a knocking on the door.
”You’re lucky this time ” he told me before he went to open the door.

Chapter 08

”You knew why and you didn’t tell me anything?” turned to me as soon as the doctor had left. The first chock had gone away and at the moment seemed really furious at me.. I nodded a little and he started to swear as he walked back and forth in the room. I hadn’t expected this reaction from him to be honest..
”Aren’t you overdoing it a little ?” I dared to mumble.
This made him stop walking around and started at me instead.
”Overdoing it?” It sounded on him like he couldn’t believe what he just had heard ”The doctor have just told me that you are anorectic and you’re asking me if I am overdoing it?”
‘Anorectic’.. that word again. I’ve known this for a while.. had it in the back of my head, but I hadn’t thought about it.. I didn’t want to think on it.
”Why didn’t you tell me anything?” I then heard him ask me calmly. I shrugged.
”I guess that I didn’t want to worry you .. That it would go away..” I answered him, which was half the truth.
I hadn’t wanted to tell him cause he would’ve made me go to the doctor and find out what it was.. and by that it would get a name. For some reason I had thought that if my eating problem didn’t have a name, that it would go over after a while.. I felt how my eyes filed with tears and I looked down on the blanket.
I heard how started to talk angrily, but I did not listen. Instead the doctors words echoed in my head
”Early stage of anorexia..” over and over again.
Slowly the words settled and now the fear and panic started to come, slowly growing inside of me.
I had early stage of anorexia. I had a hard time in front of me if I was gonna beat this decease.. if I ever did it that was.. It had been my job, that I loved so much, that had given me it… been the reason for it..
A tear slowly started to fall down my cheek and I heard how said something to me, but I didn’t hear what. Another tear fell and that one was followed by yet another on. I curled up on the bed and hide my face in my knees, sniffing.
This must’ve alerted , cause he stopped walking back and forth and came over to the bed.
”? Sweetie?” I heard him say softly at the same time as he sat down on the bed next to me.
I didn’t move instead I continued to sniffle. Then I felt how he put a hand on my back and slowly started to move the hand in small circle motions.
Without thinking I threw myself around his neck and hid my face into his shoulder.
”I am scared .. ” I said again it and heard how he sighed.
”It’s gonna be OK sweetie.. You heard what the doctor said. It’s only on the early stage and that you have all the chanced in the world to be OK again” I then heard him say. This made me look up and I met his eyes and I could read in them that he too was scared for me, but I also read in them that he believed in me and didn’t have a doubt that I would be fine again.
”But what if..” I started to say but he stopped me by putting a finger against my lips.
”No buts or what if ” he said and dried away the tears on my cheeks with his hand.
”You’re going to be OK and I don’t want to hear any more ‘what if’s’ you hear?”
I nodded and felt how the tears started to fall again.
”I am just so scared ..” I said and hid my face against his shoulder again.. close to his neck.

”What is going on between you and , ?” Howie asked me. He was keeping me company on my room while the others were partying downstairs in the bar.
I moved my gaze from some strange movie on the telly and looked at him.
”What do you mean?” I asked back.
”You know what I mean . told me that she and were engaged. The day after I see you and him walk out from the breakfast room hand in hand and he was hardly leaving your side when you had the fever” he got quiet and waited for me to answer him. I bit my lower lip.
How could I explain this? When I didn’t answer, Howie continued. ”I never thought that you would go behind another persons back like that . Have you thought on before you started to have an affair with ? On how she feels about this? Cause it is really obvious that you and are having an affair”
”We’re just friends.. Noting more” I said but I doubted that he would accept that answer.
”Friends? That is a really strange friendship in that case”
I sighed ”You wouldn’t understand if I tried to explain” I said ”I really..” I continued but got cut off by a knocking on the door. I excused myself and went to open the door. To my surprise I found standing there.
”I think you better come downstairs .” He said as soon as I opened the door.
”But.. why?” I asked confused as he got through them and went into the room. Quickly greeting on Howie before he turned to me again. I closed the door and waited for an answer.
” got the test result today and.. well.. he didn’t take it really well”
”I thought he knew that the chance was really small that the child would be his. We’ve talked about it several times and he told me that he doubted that the child was his” I started to get nervous as I searched for my sneakers. Soon I found them and put them on.
”He knew it really well . But you know that loves children and that he would really love to have one of his own”
answered ”You ready?” he then asked as I stood up. I nodded and turned to Howie ”You’re staying here or?” I asked him even if I knew the answer. He wanted to see what me and talked about even if I thought he already knew… and that he had got the answer on some of his questions.
”I’ll go with you” he simply said and went to open the door. gave me a look behind his back. I sighed.
”I’ll explain it later ” I mumbled and went after him through the door.
I was really starting to get worried about but at the same time I wondered what I could do for him and why the others didn’t just bring him upstairs. I told this as we stepped into the lift.
He shook his head ”we’ve already tried but he won’t listen to us. He eve told Paul to go to hell and ehh… some other stuff”
I sighed once again. This wasn’t good.. and I didn’t even think that he would listen to me.
”He might not listen to me ..” I said to him but he only shook his head.
”Don’t even imagine something like that.. he will listen to you” and gave me a comforting smile. Not that it helped at all… cause for some strange reason I felt like I was on my way to my own execution when I stepped out from the lift.
led us to the bar and I could hear ’s voice even before I entered the place. I looked questioning on .
”You’ll see in some secs ” was his reply.. And yeah.. I did see when I entered the bar area. I saw standing on a small stage with a microphone, talking and the people that were there seemed to be listening to every word he was saying. I didn’t know if it was cause they were drunk or cause they loved hearing a celebrity making a total fool out of himself.,
Then I noticed how hurried over to us.
”How’s it going?” asked him as he reached us. shrugged. ”At least he has stopped talking about the end of the world and brain dead bossed that won’t let you be with your girlfriend” he said and gave me a look while he said the last part. I felt how I blushed. It sounded like was telling them his life’s story.
We started to approach the stage and as we got closer I noticed that most of the ‘audience’ seemed to be fans.. I sighed.. I was going to kill tomorrow morning..
”If you meet a person.. remember to follow your heart and do not let that person slip out of your life if you know that she’s the right for you” I heard him say and I had to groan. Cause I had a feeling that I knew what was gonna follow and I was right cause went on talking, but I preferred not to listen. Instead I turned to and .
”What do you think I could do about this guys?” I asked them, not having a clue or idea how I would get down from that stage or how I would get him to listen to me.. cause If he didn’t listen to any of the guys.. why would he listen to me?
shrugged ”Just get on that stage and bring him down. I really don’t think that he would hit you like he would with any of us” he said and I glared at him.
”That helped really much” I said with sarcasm, turned around and started to walk towards where was.
As I stopped by the stairs that led up the to small scene, noticed me.. I couldn’t say that he looked at me as it seemed that he had a hard tome to focus.
”When you talk about the devil.. here is she.. the girl I’m gonna marry one day” I heard him say and some girls that stood next to me gave me a glare when he pointed at me.
”Come up here ” he then ordered me and I narrowed my eyes. I had never dealed with a that was this drunk and it was kinda strange. I shook my head as an answered and made a gesture for him to come down the stage. He just looked at me and I sighed.. yeah sure he listened to me.. I was gonna gill the one who came up with this stupid idea..
”.. sweetie.. please come down here” I said and he still just looked at me.
”Come up here . I am not moving” he then said. Oh, he was gonna pay for this!
With a sigh I realised that I didn’t have any other choice but to go up there..

”! Help me out over here please!” I had managed to get off that stage, only to find out that he couldn’t stand up. It had been OK for him as long as he had been sitting on that chair.. Lord! Why was this happening to me? Why wouldn’t I have a normal, problem free life? I noticed that hurried over to me and together we managed to lead over to the lift while stayed in the bar with the rest.
Then I noticed that Howie was still with us. I gave him a weak smile at the same time as the lift doors opened and me and got in there with hanging in our shoulders.
”Lord he is so gonna be put on a diet if I ever have to do this again” complained as he hit the button for the top floor while Howie hit the button for his floor.
”I am not that.. that.. heavy” mumbled and leant even heavier against us. I felt how my legs started to shake cause of the pressure and that I hadn’t been doing anything else but rest most of the week. I groaned.
”Sweetie.. try and manage to put some weight on your legs! You’re breaking my back here!” I said and he did as I had told him. At least he tried to, but he did not manage it very well as me and were still carrying most of his body weight.
The lift stopped at Howie’s floor and he stepped out of the lift before he turned to me.
”We’ll talk tomorrow” he said and I nodded as a reply just as the lift doors closed. I sighed deeply when the lift slowly started to move upwards again.
”I hate staying on the top floors” I then heard complain. First I didn’t understand why, but then I remembered his phobia for lifts. I didn’t like them either, but I could put my foot in one as long as I told myself that it wouldn’t stop.. or as long as people didn’t start and jump in it.
”I rather take the stairs” he then continued and this made me throw a look at him over ’s back.
”Well.. You could always use the stairs while carrying on this dead weight ” I told him, nodding at at the same time as I couldn’t resist but to give him a cheeky smile.
smiled back at me and only shook his head. I giggled and felt how the lift stopped and soon the doors slid open to our floor.
With a large effort, and with no help what so ever from himself, me and managed to get him into my room. We put him down on the bed and then turned to me.
”I think a cold shower would do him good and maybe get him to sober up a little” he said and I shrugged. He knew more about things like this then I did.
”I guess so” I answered him and then looked at my wristwatch ”I should maybe go and get his stuff while you get him into the shower?” I asked and saw nod in reply.
”Yeah I think it’s the best. is probably up as she didn’t leave the bar until went up on that stage and I don’t think that she’s managed to get to bed yet” he then go quiet for some seconds, frowning. ”Or should you maybe wait till has got into the shower and I’ll go with you just in case that little charm starts to argue with you?” he then said.
It sounded like a good plan as I didn’t want to be alone with in a room. I didn’t feel well at all and all I really wanted to do was to go to bed and sleep, but I couldn’t do that now.. was the first priority at the moment. I nodded ”Sounds good to me” I said ”Then you can protect me from the wicked witch from the west” and giggled. Then I became serious.
”Shall I help you with or shall we just toss him into the shower fully dressed?” I asked.
This must’ve alerted , cause all of a sudden he started to speak. ”You don’t have to talk about me like I’m not here” he said and the same time as he, with large efforts, sat up on the bed. chuckled at this.
”So you’ll go into the shower alone while me and go and get your stuff?” he asked and nodded slightly.
”Yeah.. Can you just help me stand up? After that I think I’ll be OK” and so we did. Me and helped into the shower and after that we went to the room had shared with .

We stopped outside the room and I turned to , handing him the room key.
”You open the door.. and you go in first” I said and stepped aside. laughed at this.
”You’re a coward ” he said ”and I who thought that you had a tough job as a security guard.. even putting your life at stake some times.. but I guess that I was wrong”
I made a face ”You’re right about my job , but I rather have you going in before me just in case..” and shrugged.
only shook his head at this and put the key in the locker and opened the door.
We stepped into a dark room and both of us turned around to go out again when a loud moan was heard.
”Wait ” whispered and started to feel on the wall after the light switch. Suddenly the room was flooded with light and I heard go ”Oh, Jesus!”
I looked towards the direction he looked and to my very large surprise, I saw Nick and sitting on the bed in only their underwear.
”Oh my sweet lord” I managed to mumble as I looked at their shocked faces. then managed to calm down a little.
”What the hell are you doing here?” she said and I could hear on her voice that she was furious.
”Um..” I started to say at the same time as I looked in some other direction, not being able to look at the two figures in the bed without getting embarrassed. cut me off.
”I don’t know what you two are doing here .. but me and are here to get ’s stuff” then he looked at Nick
”If I were you Nick I would get dressed and find some other distraction before shows up here and find you two in bed”
”Yeah I’ve heard about everything” Nick answered and looked over at me before his gaze went back to ”I never thought that was that kind of person” he said.
looked confused and I frowned. What the hell did Nick talk about? Ok.. I knew that he was totally brain dead but this??
”What are you talking about?” I heard ask.
”’s told me everything” Nick answered ”She’s told me how he’s been cheating on her..” he gave me another look ”with .. and then he broke their engagement when he found out that she was pregnant with his child”
”That is a pile of crap!” I exploded at was about to continue when I felt ’s hand on my shoulder. He shook his head.
”No use .. Let’s just get ’s stuff and get out of here” he said softly and I sighed.
”But ..” I said but he only shook his head again and went to the closest as had a habit to hang up clothes in there if they stayed at the hotel more then for two days.
Nick stood up and put on his pants, but I did not care.. or at least I tried not to care.
”You know what? I hate when people are ignoring me.. specially if we were in the middle of a discussion” I heard him say and quickly replied.
”We aren’t ignoring you.. We just thought it was better not to reply to that kind of bullshit”
I almost started to laugh. Only could come up with that kind of replies and deliver them so calmly.
”You think you’re funny?” Nick said with a defensive tone. I turned around and saw him stand in front of . Lord.. poor looked like a dwarf compared to Nick’s giant size.
”I didn’t say that I am funny” said and picked up one of ’s bags ”I just said that..” and Nick cut him off.
”I know what you said.. I am not stupid. You cut off when she was saying something and I want to hear what she has to say to her defence.. I should’ve known she was that kind of slutty person”
I felt how I blushed, but I thought it was best not to loose my temper. Instead I turned around and continued to fold clothes.
”Well.. ” I then heard say with a cold voice ”If is a slutty person then I don’t know what people like you and are called”
I almost choked when I heard this. That would say something like that had been really unexpected and I wasn’t the only one thinking it. I heard how gasped for air when he heard him. I glanced over at the bed where she was sitting, covered up in the blanket. Her face coloure changed from normal to red, to white and then back to red again in the matter of seconds while her mouth were slightly open. To me she looked like a fish as she gasped for air, opening and closing her mouth. Then I looked at Nick and he seemed to be trying to come up with a reply.
took this opportunity of silence and turned to me.
”We’ll get the rest of the stuff tomorrow .. Let’s leave this place before I punch someone’s face” took a faster grip of the bag he was holding. I nodded and zipped the bag I had been putting clothes in and followed out of the room.

”Good morning” I said as I entered my room. who was lying in my bed, gave a groan and hid his head under the pillow. I smiled ”You’re having a hang over ?” I continued.
”You bloody hell know I have one, so please shut the fuck up!” I heard his reply below the pillow.
”Oh aren’t we in a cheery mood today?” I giggled as I heard him groan. Then I got serious ”What the hell got over you yesterday ? I thought that you had settled with the thought that the child wasn’t yours” and sat down on the edge of the bed.
”Just leave me alone ” was his reply.
I sighed ”..” I started but he looked up from beneath the pillow. ”.. Leave me fucking alone. I don’t want to talk about it to you or to anyone else” and with that he turned his back against me.
”For some seconds I just sat there looking at him.
”OK.. as you wish ” I said and stood up at the same time as he answered: ”Yes that is what I wish”
”Good and is that everything Mr ?” I said coldly, but did not get a reply. I felt how I got angry ”I’ll take that as a no” want to the door, fuming. I opened it and turned around to look at his back one last time.
”You can find someone else to screw .. it seems that for you I am not anything else but someone to have sex with when you want to have it” and stormed out, slamming the door behind me. At the same time as the door closed, I regretted the words that I had said.. but now it was too late to take them back..

”You did what??” said surprised and it seemed that he’d forgotten all about the toast he was holding in his hand. I had just told him about what I had said to .
”You have to be joking ” he then said and put back the toast on the plate again.
I shook my head in denial ”No I am not joking ” I said.
He sighed ”When are you gonna learn to think before you open your mouth ?” he asked me and I shrugged. I knew that he was right and I felt how a guilty feeling was starting to creep up on me so I decided to change the subject.
”How’s things going between you and ?” I asked and he gave me a suspicious look. He knew exactly what I was doing.. Then he shrugged and went back to his breakfast.
”We’re actually thinking to break up..” he said in a normal conversation tone. This made me just stare at him, not being able to say anything cause and had seemed to be the perfect couple.
After some seconds I managed to get my act together.
”Why?” I asked.
”It’s not working between us.. That chemistry that once were between us isn’t there anymore.. My feelings for her is the same ones as for a sister and I do know that she feels the same” he got quiet and took a bite of his toast.
I sighed ”So you’re not feeling sad about this?” I asked and looked into his eyes.
He pouted with his lips for some seconds before he answered me ”No.. I don’t think so. We’re still gonna remain friends and stuff.. Not much is gonna change except that we’re not gonna sleep with each other anymore” he gave me a cheeky smile and winked at me.
I sighed and rolled with my eyes before I looked up at the ceiling.
”Guys!” I said ”The only thing they think about is sex!”
”That and food ..” chirped in ”Don’t forget the food, cause without it we wouldn’t have the strength to make love to you girls” and took a bite of his toast.
I starred at him ”You’re worse then you know that ?” and raised an eye brow. This made him laugh.
”But you gotta love me aye?” was his only comment on that.

Chapter 09

After I had talked to , I went to find Anto. There was no need for me to stay here in Brazil anymore and if I were going to be honest.. I wanted to go home. I hadn’t had much time off during the last half year or so and now when I weren’t allowed to work…
Anto agree with me and quickly managed to find me a seat on a plane that was leaving later in the day. I stopped and talked to him for a while before I headed back to my room.
The nervousness started to creep up on me, the closer I got to it. I dreaded to meet again after my outburst this morning.. I stopped outside my room and took a deep breathe before I put the key in and unlocked the door.
I looked around in the room and the first thing that I noticed was that the bed was empty.
”?” I called out and seconds later the bathroom door opened and stepped out, only wearing a pair of loose grey pants.
”We need to talk ” I said at the same time as he looked at me. I tried to look into his eyes, but he looked away and went to sit down on the bed.
”There’s nothing to talk about . I told you to leave me alone and I meant it” he said coldly. I felt how I wanted to start and cry when I heard these words, but I managed to get a grip over me.
”I mean we need to talk about what I said just before I left earlier..” I mumbled ”I was angry and didn’t mean what I said.. I..” he cut me off.
”” he said sharply as he stood up ”What you said was true. I have only been using you for sex.. why sleep with that dead fish I had to call fiancee, when I could have something much, much better?” he sat down again and I felt how I starred openly at him, not believing what he was saying.
I wanted to say that he couldn’t mean it but my voice didn’t want to obey me.
”You aren’t much better then any of the other girls I have been dating.. you know that?” he voice reached me through the chock ”You are all bitches that are after two things.. to get into the spotlight and a guys money.. nothing else”
”I love you ”
”That is bullshit and you know it!” he raised his voice ”the only reason you wanted to have a relationship with me in the first place was because of my money and that I was famous!”
”I have my own money thank you very much!” I said. What had happened with ? He usually didn’t act like this.
”You’re money aren’t enough, you just want more. Admit it .. you never loved me” this time he looked directly at me and his eyes were like two frozen lakes… ice cold. I wanted my own back! Not this complete stranger!
”You know what you can do with your money ?” I snapped at him to prevent myself from start to cry. I wasn’t gonna show my weakness in front of him by start and cry right now.
”You can take your fucking millions and show them up your ass! Cause I don’t want them and I never have. All i wanted was you not your freaking money! Even if it is that hard for you to understand it.. I do you love you for who you are , not what you are. Do not love you cause that you are in Westlife or cause of your money” I said and got met by laughter and he started to clap his hands.
”You’re a good actress , I have to admit it. For some seconds you managed to fool me” this made me stomp my foot in frustration. I raised my hands up in the air, holding them infront of me.
”Fine then! Have it your fucking way!” I said, turned my back against him and started to go against the wardrobes. I had hung up some clothes there after they had been cleaned the other day. I took them in my arms and mumbled angrily to myself as I went to the bed and dumped them on it.
Then I went and picked up one of my bags, throwing it too on the bed before I started to throw the clothes into it, not caring that they would get creased.
”What are you doing?” I heard ask me.
”You’re still here?” I asked coldly ”I thought that you didn’t want to see me again” I zipped the bag ”But if you have to know, I’m packing my things what does it look like?”
He frowned ”Aren’t we acting a bit childish?” he asked and I glared at him. ”No we aren’t acting childish! We are just so fucking pissed off so that we want to smack your fucking face! I shouted at him and went to get my two other bags, closing them. Without any other word, I picked them all up and some effort I reached the doors, but managed to reach them before me and by that blocked the way.
”And where do you think you are going?” The said with that cold voice he usually had used when he had talked to ”We haven’t finished talking yet”
I looked at him as he was stupid ”I am going out of the room, so that I can put my stuff into ’s and ’s room and wait there until it’s time for me to go to the airport” I answered just as coldly ”But why do you care? You’ve just told me that I do not mean anything to you, so you probably wouldn’t even care if I jumped off a bridge!” I saw how he narrowed his eyes.. This didn’t look good.
”Oh it’s ey? You’re probably screwing around with him now when he’s planning to break up with ..” he said.
I just sighed at this ”No I am not having any kind of affair with him.. But I guess you won’t listen on that.. SO YES! I’ve been screwing him every bloody night ever since I started to work for you! Are you happy ? I said the things you wanted to hear! Now move!” and with that I pushed my was pass him and slammed the door behind me.
With fast steps I headed towards the room was sharing with . Now the tears threatened to fall and as I knocked on the door they did start to fall..
It didn’t take many seconds for the door to get opened ant without any words I threw myself around ’s neck and burst into tears.

Six Weeks Later

”OK.. so you and are arriving tomorrow at what time? OK.. 7 am tomorrow. I’ll be there to pick you up then.. Bye” With a sight I hung up the phone and went out into the garden again.
I was back in Sweden and had just been talking to .. He was arriving tomorrow to check out my horses. I had decided to sell them. I wasn’t in Sweden that much and on top of that Frida had come with the news that she was going to move to another city, so she couldn’t take care of the horses any more.
I sighed. I did not want to sell them, but I didn’t have any other choice.. And if wanted them.. then I knew that they would get taken care of really well.
Then the phone started to ring again so I dashed indoors again to pick it up.
”Hello?” I said breathlessly and I heard a laugh at the other end of the line.
”Been out running ey?” asked me and I felt how I smiled. Ever since I had left Brazil, had phoned me every day to see if I was doing OK.. It had even been he, who had suggested to me that I should talk to when he had heard that I had to sell my horses.
That I had done and was now arriving tomorrow..
”I was out .. What do you want?” I tried to sound annoyed but didn’t succeed that well. This had become some kind of ritual during the 6 weeks I had been at home.
”Nothing, just checking what you’re doing” he said.
We continued to talk for a while and then we hung up.
After the conversation with , I starred at the phone for a while. It seemed to be some unsaid agreement between us that we should not talk about .. had mentioned once what he and had gotten into an argument shortly after that I had left the hotel in Brazil, but he had not said what they had argued about.
Lord I missed .. It didn’t matter how many times I had told myself that it was over.. I still missed him and I had several times during these weeks, picked up my phone to ring him. I didn’t know waht I was going to say to him.. all I wanted was to hear his voice again.
But then I got reminded of what had been said the last time I had seen him and I had hung up the phone again..
With a sight I went out from the house and went into the stables.. It was best that I mucked out of the boxes so it didn’t look like a complete mess when and arrived tomorrow..

I yawned largely as I stood and waiting at the bridge by the international arrivals. ’s and ’s plane had arrived couple of minutes earlier and I should be able to see them coming down the stairs to pick up their luggage in any minute now.
I hoped anyway, cause I had been up since 4 am just to get things ready before they cam. The minutes passed slowly, but soon people started to come down the stairs. I kept my eyes open for the guys.
Soon I noticed them and they were accompanied by two girls who seemed to be in our age. I met ’s gaze and waved cheerfully at him. As a reply he made a face and reached out his tongue. This made me laugh.. apparently this company was unwanted and they went on his nerves.. Still giggling, I went down to the entrance of the arrivals so that I could meet up with them there.
After a while the first persons started to come out and not long after that and came out, still in the company of the two girls.
was the first one who got up to me and gave me a tight hug. ”Good morning .. You seem to be good” he said as we hugged. I let go of his embrace and smiled a little..
”I’m surviving ..” suddenly I felt like crying and I would probably have done it if hadn’t showed up.
I went and gave him a tight hug. Then I felt how my tears started to fall. ”I miss him .. Miss him so much” I mumbled against his shoulder. He eased his embrace and gently grabbed my shoulders, making me stand a bit in front of him.
Then he moved his hands to my face and cupped it. His thumbs gently brushed away the tears on my cheek.
”It’ll be all right in the end .. Just give him time and in the end he’ll see what a great person he left” and kissed me gently on my nose. I felt how I smiled and hugged him tightly.
”Gawd I’ve missed you ”
He laughed ”Everyone misses me ” he said and then there was some coughing behind him. I looked over his shoulder and saw that the girls was still there.
I broke away from the embrace and he made a face before he turned towards the girls.
”Gals.. This is . She’s the reason to why me and are in Sweden” He said. I smiled at gave a little wave.
”Hello” I said ”Do you live in Gothenburg?” I asked and both nodded. I looked closer at them. One was a read head and the other one had black hair. Both of them were tall too.
”Yeah.. We’ve been in London for some modelling work.. We’re only gonna be here for a week or so before we have to go back” the redhead said and reached out her hand.
”I’m Emelie by the way” she said as I grabbed it ”And this is Karoline” she then presented her friend.
”You gals chit chat while me and go and buy some redbull.. for some really strange reason we never got to bed last night” then interrupted us. We all nodded.
”You love here in Gothenburg too?” Karoline asked me. I shook my head. ”No.. I have a flat in Chelsea, London. I’m only here in Sweden to take a break from all the stress.. Probably gonna go back home next week tough”
”OK.. ” she said as she had her eyes glued on ’s and ’s backs. Then she faced me.
”Is still dating that girl or is he single?” she then asked me. I heard how Emelie sighed.
I shrugged ”I don’t know to be honest. Last thing I heard was that he and had broke up, but he might have found some other girl” I saw how she nodded. It was obvious what she wanted and for some reason, I felt really jealous which was really stupid as wasn’t anything but a good friend to me.
”You two know the lads well?” I asked just so that I didn’t have to think on what my new found jealousy meant.
Emelie shook her head ”Not that good really.. we’ve met them on parties and stuff.. sometimes we’ve even met them at the hotel in London as our model agency always books us into that hotel. How about you then? You seem to be good friend with them”
I thought on how long I had known the guys.
”I’ve known them for about a year now” I then said ”I learnt to know them really well while I worked for them and after that I kept contact with and .
”You worked for them?”
”Yeah” I nodded ”I worked as a security guard for them last year. I was supposed to work for them this year too until December actually, but I’ve been ordered to take it easy for an unmentioned period so.. here I am doing nada during the days”
”Cool.. How come you have to take it easy?”
”I have an early stage of anorexia.. so I need to gain weight again, but I’m not gonna go back working for them again when I’ve gotten better”
”Why not? Seems like an really interesting job.. plus that you get to travel a
lot and see so many different countries and cities”
”That is the problem..” I said ”All this travelling and it is mostly by air too.. That was one of the reasons to why I am like this now” and pointed at my self ”All the flying went on my nerves and I threw up all the time. In the end my body couldn’t take it any more”
We continued to talk and soon and got back to us.
”you gals OK?” asked and we nodded.
”Shall we go then?” I asked.
”Yeah sure” said and smiled.
Then Karoline turned to Emelie ”We should maybe try and find a taxi?” I heard her say in Swedish and this made me realise that we had spoken English before.
”Where are you going?” I then asked in Swedish and saw how they starred at me. ”I can maybe drop you off as I do have a car, but then we might have to squeeze into it as I don’t think it is made for five persons” They still only looked at me. Then Emelie smiled ”It’s easy to forget that you know two languages right?” and laughed. She told me where they lived and I turned to the guys.
”Is it OK if we drop of Karoline and Emelie outside their flat?” I asked them. I could see on that he wanted to say ‘No thanks’ but his good manners stopped him. Instead he only nodded.
”Sure with me” agreed at we headed out to the car.

”You take right in the round about and after that you drive till you get to some stop lights.. then you turn right again” I was sitting in the back seat behind and instructed him where to drive.. we had got into a bit of a discussion about who were gonna sit where. for some odd reason had wanted to drive, even tough he didn’t know the town AND hadn’t had a clue how to get to Emelie’s and Karoline’s flat.
I had lost the discussion in the end and ended up behind the drivers seat, next to Emelie who had been sat in the middle and Karoline sat on her other side.
did as I had told him and started to get the car into a really high speed.
”And please do follow the limit signs .. They are there for a reason you know” I added.
He glared at me from the rear mirror.
”Who’s the one driving ?” he asked.
”You” I answered him.
”Right.. I am the one driving so please don’t be a back seat driver.. I hate those”
”I just thought that you wanted to keep your drivers license as they usually have a control at this road” I answered back with a shrug. I heard how laughed.
”One point to ” he said and got a mortifying look from his friend, but did low the speed to what was the allowed. He made a face to me in the mirror and as a revenge I slapped him in the back head.
”Is there something between you and him?” Emelie asked me in Swedish. I looked at her strangely.
”Ehh.. No, we are just friends” I said.
”That’s what they all say.. but most of the times people are more then ‘just’ friends”
”Honestly Emelie” I said ”Me and are just friends. He’s been a great support for me when my boyfriend broke up with me for about six weeks ago.. There’s nothing going on between us”
She gave me a look that said that she did not believe me, but she let the subject be.
”What are you girls whispering about?” ’s voice was heard.
”Nothing” Emelie said.
”Come on! That didn’t sound like ‘nothing’” objected.
I rolled my eyes ”We were talking about sex ” I answered him with sarcasm in my voice. Both him and laughed.
”Oh?” then raised and eyebrow ”I didn’t think that you knew what that was ” the others smiled at this.
”You think you’re funny ?” I asked in mock anger. I saw in the mirror as he smiled.
”No.. Just asking.. As you can’t say that was a sexfreak”
”Turn left at the next crossing ..” I cut him off ”Then you and I know two ’s” I then answered him.
”You just think that he was one, cause you’ve never dated a real man” and gave me one of his cheeky smiles.
I raised an eye brow ”OK.. I’ll tell you if I ever meet a real man.. cause if it is like that.. then I’ve never met one. No offence ” I turned to when I said the last part.
He laughed ”No offence taken ” then he turned to ”Another point to her my friend”
This continued until we stopped in front of the two models flat. As I took out their luggage from the trunk of the car. Emelie looked at me ”If I were you I would go after him” she said plainly ”Thank you so much for the ride. It was very nice” she continued and started to walk at the same time as she waved goodbye. Karoline didn’t do anything, just followed her friend without saying a goodbye or anything like that.
I stood there for a while, watching at their disappearing backs and trying to figure out what Emelie had meant with that ‘go after him’ part.
” are you gonna stand there the whole day?” ’s voice woke me up from my thoughts. I shook my head to clear it from the previous thoughts ”Sorry guys.. I was just thinking” I said, closed the trunk before I went to the driver side of the car. Automatically jumped out and was about to jump in the back seat when he turned around to face me.
”What were you thinking of ?” he asked, curious.
I just shook my head ”Nothing ”
”Ooohhh… You were dreaming of my sexy and masculine body ey?” and he winked at me.
I looked doubtfully at him and looked at his head to his feat and up again. Then I reached out my hand and patted him at his cheek ”You really have to stop daydreaming and come back down to reality again” I said and laughed when gave me a hurt look. Without any other word, he jumped into the back seat and I could place myself in the drivers seat.
was laughing really hard as I turned on the engine and started to drive home to my parents place.

I yawned largely and stretched my arms out in the air. I had driven back to the airport a bit earlier and now when I sat down to eat, I felt how tired I really was. , who for some strange reason had wanted to stay with me until I went back to London in a bout a week’s time, looked at me from across the table.
”You should maybe go to bed after you’ve eaten” he suggested.
I shook my head ”I can’t. I need to go out the horses and take care of them after I’ve eaten”
”OK” he nodded.
The dinner past really fast, but me and stayed by the table and talked for a long time. He told me jokes and what he had done the first weeks of his vacation. After that we went out to the horses.
”Lord I’m gonna miss them to be honest” I said as we entered the stable.
”You can always come to Ireland and see them .. You know that right?” said and went to Magic’s box. The horse put out his large black head and let scratch him behind his ears.
”Yeah I know that ” I answered and watched him cuddle with the large animal.
I started to feel confused. What did I feel for anyway? Emelie’s words came back to me and I bit my lip. All that were between me and was friendship right? Then why had Emelie thought that there was more between us? I didn’t get it.. and on top of everything: I loved .. If I compared my feelings for and for , then they were totally different. This Made me sigh.. No use to think about it when I was this tired..
With old routines; I stared to take care of the horses and within an hour they had all got food, hay and been taken care of. Even had helped me out.
When we were done; looked at me with that cheeky smile of his that he only used when he was up to no good.
”.. You know what would be fun?” he asked me.
”What?” I asked, getting worried of what he was up to.
”You know that hay loft?”
”Yeah??”
”It would be fun to jump down from there” he said with his eyes twinkling and he sounded like an exited five year old when he said it.
I laughed ”You can always go there and jump .. No one is stopping you”
”You’re jumping too right?” he asked me with a childish joy that made him seem so cute. I shook my head.
”No I am not jumping” I said and he gave me a pleading look ”I haven’t done that for years !” I tried to explain.
”Come on ! It’ll be fun” he still and looked at me with that pleading look.
I felt how I gave in. I couldn’t deny anything when he looked at me like that.
”OK! OK! As you want! But if I break a leg or something then you’re the one I’m blaming” I said and he laughed.
”You’re not going to regret it!” he said and started to run to the hayloft. ”Come on!” He shouted and disappeared up the ladder. I went in my own paste, but when I got up to the dark loft, was nowhere to be seen.
”?” I whispered out in the dark and waited for some kind of reply, but no answer.
”?” I tried one more time, but still.. nothing.
”! This isn’t funny!” I said a bit louder.
Then I thought that he already had jumped down, so I went to the edge and looked down.. but no there either. From the corned of my eye I saw something move in the dark behind me, but before I could react I felt a strong push and I fell over the edge down in the soft pile of hay. Someone landed next to me and I could hear laugh.
” ! You are so dead!” I said all furious, but all he did was to laugh.
”That was fun! You should have seen your face .. I wish I could’ve taken a pictured of it” and he laughed even more.
”I am happy that I can amuse the childish part of you” I said angrily. Then I sat up in the hay and started to pick out the hay from my hair. I saw how he did something behind me, but I choose to ignore him.. I shouldn’t have done that.. Cause just moments after that I felt how hay started to fall over me.
”!” I yelled not knowing if I should laugh or get angry. Then I started to laugh ”You really are a child ” I managed to say after the worst attack of laughter had settled.
sat down next to me, still giggling.
”Nah.. Just thinking that this is fun” he said. Then he yawned large and I quickly got an idea.
Fast I picked up some hay and pressed it into his mouth. He started to spit and make different kind of sounds.
Laughing like hell, I got up on my feet and started to run against the entrance but I didn’t get far as I was laughing too much.
Two strong arms grabbed me around my waist and lift me up.
”Where do you think you are going?” I heard say but I laughed and screamed too much to be able to answer him.
He spun me around and I felt how my left tangled in with his. He list his balance and we fell in a pile in the hay, with me lying under .
”ouch.. that hurt” I giggled and massaged my ribs. One of ’s elbows had dug their way into them when we had fallen.
”Oh.. does it hurt much?” he asked concerned and move a little away from me, but our faces was still close.
”Nah.. Only when I breathe” I answered back and made a face when I inhaled.
”Sorry for that one” excused himself.
After that we didn’t say anything, only looked at each other with our faces just centimetres away from each other. I felt how a nervous feeling started to creep up on me. Something with this wasn’t right..
It wasn’t until brushed his fingers against my face that I panicked.
”I think it’s best that we go in” I said, quickly stood up and headed towards the house.
”! Wait!” I heard how he shouted behind me, but I continued to walk. His footsteps was heard on the growl as he ran up to me. ”, please wait” He said and I felt his hand grab my shoulders. This made me stop but I did not dare to turn around and face him.
”What is it ?” I asked in almost a whisper.
”Look at me , please” he begged softly but I did still not turn around.
”What is it ?” I asked once again and shook off his hands from my shoulders. I then continued to walk.
”Geez ! Can’t you bloody look at me when we talk? I hate talking with peoples backs! He said a bit annoyed.
I stopped walking and turned around. ”OK.. I am not having my back against you anymore.. so talk” I said.
”What have I done wrong so that you’re angry at me?” he asked me confused. I felt ashamed when he asked me this.
”I am not angry on you.. ” I answered him.
He looked at me in disbelief ”What are you then?”
”I’m confused..” I said before I got the time to think.
looked puzzled ”Confused about what?”
Oh Jesus! Was the playing stupid or was it just me who was imagining things that were going on between us?
Not being able to look at him anymore, I moved my gaze from him to my feet.
”About what is happened between us” I looked up at him ”And what my real feelings are for you anyway” and with that I went inside and headed directly to the bathroom, locking myself in it. It was a cowards way, I knew it, but I did not want to see for a while.. I needed to think and after being in the stable I smelled like one.. so I needed a shower too.
As I got undressed I heard how the front door opened and that got in.
”?” His voice echoed in the house as the same time as I turned on the shower and stepped into the booth.

Chapter 10

I hesitated for some seconds before I opened the bathroom door. I had tried to figure out what my feelings for really were during the shower, but all I had managed to do was to confuse myself even more. I stepped into the kitchen and noticed that was sitting by the kitchen table in a damp light. He looked up when he heard my footsteps. I gave him a quick, nervous smile and headed towards him. He didn’t reply the smile, only looked at me.
”I am off to bed now ” I said and passed him, going into the living-room but his voice stopped me.
”Do you always run away from your problems like this ?” he said. I stopped and turned around to face him.
”What do yo mean?” I asked carefully.
He gave a sigh and stood up. He stopped in the doorway and then leant against the post with his shoulder.
”I’m talking about you . You always seem to run away from your problems.. like that time when you found out that had cheated on you with .. If I am not wrong you ran away from there instead of trying to work things out with him.. and now this” He stretched out his hand in the air and pointed with it on himself and then on me.
”I am not running away from anything” I replied calmly and hoped that my voice wouldn’t give away how nervous I was.
”You are ” he said ”isn’t it better that we talk things through?”
”What is there to talk about ?”
”About what is happening between us .. about your feelings towards me and my feelings towards you” he answered calmly. I but my lip. I knew well enough that he would not let things be when he made his mind up. I sighed.
”OK then.. as you wish” I mumbled. He gave me a quick smile before he stood up straight and walked up to me.
He stopped in front of me and put a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and met his , twinkling eyes and then looked away again.
When I did this his free hand cupped my chin and softly raised my head so that I looked into his eyes again.
”Don’t try and hide.. it’s easier this way” he said softly. I swallowed hard. I saw how he lowered his head and his lips gently touched mine. I put my hands on his chest as to push him away but as he depend the kiss they wrapped themselves around his neck instead. I closed my as I got a tingling feeling in my body and it almost made my legs give in.
The kiss felt so right for some strange reason.. The he broke the kiss and I opened my eyes again and looked deeply into his.
”That is what I feel for you ” he said in a mumble. I did not know what to say. I unwrapped my arms from his neck and moved away a little from him.. this closeness to him made that I couldn’t think clearly.. at the moment all I could think of was that kiss.. and that I wanted to taste his lips one more time. I licked my lips.
”What would the others think if you started an relationship with me ? ”I asked low ”remember that I’ve dated ..”
My question made him sigh and he broke the eye contact with me as he looked down at his feel for some seconds before he looked back up at me.
”, and do know how I feel for you and I think that they understand” he said in a normal voice.
”And for ? How do you think he would react?” At this he shrugged ”I really don’t know .. but..” he sighed ”he’s gone on with his life.. so why should he be angry if you continued with yours? Even if it is with me”
I bit my lower lip. The thought of continuing with his life did not hurt as much as I had thought that it would do. Sure I felt a pain, but that was all and it was then that I understood that me and had never meant to be together and if we had continued to date each other then both of us would’ve ended up being miserable.
I looked up on ’s beautiful face. Even if I didn’t know what my true feelings for him were.. What would be wrong if we tried? Like this we at least had tried. I went up to him and put a hand on his cheek, caressing it gently.
”I am sure that he would be OK if we talked to him” I said and wrapped my arms around his neck as I moved down his head so that I could kiss him.

The shrill sound of the phone ringing cut through the silence of the house, making both me and break the kiss and move away a bit from each other.
”The damn phone” I heard him mumble and I looked, for some really strange reason, a bit shyly on him.
”I’ll go and answer it” I mumbled at the same time as it rang a second time.
Quickly I hurried into the kitchen and picked up the phone. ”” I answered and heard some kind of buzzing sound in the background at the same time as people were talking.
”Hey !” I then heard Madeliene’s voice on the other side. She was one of my three cousins that I had the bad luck to have. She and her twin-sister Miranda were the ones I hated the most. At least Sofia had been born with a brain and the ability to think.. I sometimes wondered if she hadn’t been adopted and my aunt was trying to keep it a secret..
”Madeliene?” I asked confused ”Why are you phoning?” I heard her giggle on the other side.
”I just wanted to say that we’re arriving in about thirty minutes.. or have you forgotten what we’d agreed with your parents?”
I thought for some seconds and then remembered that my parents had invited them over for a week to stay in the house while they were away on vacation in Tahiti. That had been before I had decided to go back home for a while.
I groaned silently. Was it really today they should arrive? Apparently it was..
”No, I haven’t forgotten” I answered. Even tough I had.. but she didn’t have to find out. Then I got a bad feeling.. she had said we.. but usually she said ‘me and Miranda’..
”Who are we?” I asked carefully.
”Oh.. it’s me, Miranda and Stefan” she answered and I heard how someone said something in the background. This time I did really groan.
”Stefan? I thought that I had made it clear that he weren’t allowed to come here anymore” I said annoyed. By now had come into the kitchen and looked curiously at my annoyed face expression.
”I know.. but you know that Miranda never leaves Stockholm without him”
I wanted to scream, but I only gritted my teeth in anger.
”Madde.. Make it clear for him after you’ve talked to me, that I sent the message that If I find out that he’s been stealing or anything similar to that again.. then I’ll take my gun and shoot him in his balls.. is that understood?” I said and heard how she gave a weak ”Yes”.
”Good.. see you in an half an hour then” and hung up the phone.
”This can’t be happening!” I moaned and leant my head against the wall.
”Bad news?” dared to ask. I nodded.
”Yupp” I said dully ”My two cousins and one of their boyfriends are arriving in about thirty minutes”
”And we don’t like that?” he asked with a smile. I glared at him and shook my head.
”Nope, we don’t like it one bit” and looked at him ”You better go and take a shower now, cause there won’t be any warm water left when they’ve arrived and borrowed the bathroom” I then said.
This made him pout with his lips ”You think I smell?” he asked mocked hurt. I nodded at this.
”You smell stable .. I do love horses, but I rather not share bed with someone that smells like one”
”I thought that I was gonna stay in the guest-room” He said confused.
”Change of plans” I answered ”Miranda and her no good bastard to boyfriend are taking the guest-room, while I’m placing Madeliene in my parents bedroom. That means if you want to sleep in a bed the coming week, then you have to share one with me” I made a pause ”or do you rather sleep on a sofa then share bed with me?” I then asked and pouted with my lips at the same time as I fluttered with my eyelashes at him in a theatrical way. This made him laugh as he wrapped his arms around my waist.
”Can I think about it while I take that shower?” he asked and kissed me gently. Once again I got that tingling feeling in my body.
I could almost not nod as a reply when the kiss broke. He smiled ”Good” and then it turned into a cheeky one
”You know that you can always join me in the shower he added.
I laughed ”You’re just as bad as , if not worse” I said.
”Who do you think he’s got it from?”

Me and had cuddled up on my bed when we heard how a car puled u in the driveway. This made me sigh.
”I don’t want them to be here!” I moaned as I sat up, breaking away from ’s embrace. He too sat up next to me.
”Shall I come down with you?” he asked. Bless him.. he always showed good manners.. I shrugged ”If you want you can always come” I said. When I thought about it.. I would really want to see their faces. This thought made me smile inside. Hand in hand we started to go down the stairs when ’s mobile phone rang. He stopped walking and answered the phone ”” he said and a smile lit up his face. ”Hey ma.. no, no.. you’re disturbing me” I made a sign to him that he could go back to the room and he nodded briefly before he turned around and went back into my room while I went down the stairs. I opened the front door and stepped out in the chilly evening. First I had thought not to go and greet the unwanted guests, but the thought on how my parents would react if they heard about it was enough to get me on second thoughts. They would die of shame if they found out that I hadn’t showed Miranda and Madeliene any of the manners that my parents once had thought me. So.. against my will, I started to move towards the car where they were standing and talking.
”Are you going to stand there the whole night?” I asked annoyed. They all turned around to face me when they heard my voice.
”Well, well.. Isn’t it our favourite cousin?” I heard Miranda say with irony in her voice. Stefan sniggered at this.
Slowly I moved my gaze to the twin that had spoken. She was dark-blond and her face was decorated with large blue eyes and she could’ve been called beautiful if snobbish lines hadn’t been visible in her face. Miranda was the one of the twins that I hated the most.
”I love you too Mirre” I answered coldly and used a nickname on her that I knew she hated. ”So are you gonna stand here the whole day or are you gonna move your asses and take in the luggage?” I asked in the same tone.
”Aren’t we our usual charm?” Stefan said and sniggered at his own joke. I moved my gaze to him. Stefan reminded me a bit about for some strange reason. Some of the lines were exact the same, but if I could choose.. then I would take anytime. He was much better looking, that was one thing. And then.. ’s eyes sparkled of mischief all the time: Stefan’s didn’t.
”You’re still on free foot Stefan?” I asked in mock surprise ”or are you just on probation?”
He glared at me. Stefan was always up to no good and stole things when ever he could.. which was all the time.
”I’m still on free foot, cause the police can’t find anything against me.. They haven’t any proof yet, so they’ve left me alone.. and you should do the same ”
”I don’t need any proof that you steal things. I know that you do it and it’s enough proof for me. If I catch you steal anything here or if anything has gone missing. Then you’ll be sorry. I’ve got a gun license and thanks to my job I do have a license to kill if I really have to..” I let my warning hanging in the air. It was true that I had a gun license, but the license to kill was just bullshit. I could shoot someone, but only in the leg or something, not to kill.. but Stefan didn’t know that and I didn’t tend to let him know either.
”Don’t be silly ” Miranda came to her boyfriends defence. I shrugged.
”As you want.. but I have warned him and I’m going in. It’s best for you to hurry up, otherwise you’ll be locked out” with that I turned my back towards them and headed towards the entrance. On my way back I threw a look up to my room window and saw that was standing there, smiling. He met my gaze and shook his head. I knew what he meant with that. I hadn’t been so welcoming to my cousins as I had been thought to be towards guests.. I sighed and went in. This was going to be a long week..

”No! You and Stefan can’t sleep in my parents room!” I objected. The first thing the couple had done had been to start and argue about the sleeping arrangements.
”But the bed in there is larger then the one in the guest-room” Miranda complained with a childish voice.
”I don’t care.. You and Stefan are sharing the bed in the guest-room. It’s not a kingsize bed, but I am sure that both of you can fit in it… I have a similar bed in my room and it works fine” I argued back.
”Aren’t you overreacting a little ?” Stefan asked, annoyed. I glared at him.
”If I wanted to hear a brain-dead idiot speak, then I would have said so” I snapped at him.
”You don’t have to be rude !” his girlfriend objected.
”Yeah.. and beside” Stefan said in a matter of fact tone ”You sleep alone in your bed.. me and Miranda share one”
I sighed. I was getting really annoyed by now.
”I am as rude as I want to.. You either accept the sleeping arrangements or you two can sleep out in the car” with that I turned my back against them, then turned around again ”By the way.. What do you know if I sleep alone or not?” I asked and then turned my back towards them and headed up to my room.
”Why did God invent relatives?” I complained at the moment I entered the room.
, who had been lying on the bed, stood up and came towards me.
”I am sure that they aren’t that bad” he said and wrapped his arms around my waist. I did the same and hid my face against his neck.
”I am sure that they aren’t ” I mumbled ”They are worse! Why can’t Miranda be as her sister? I don’t think that I’ve ever heard Madeliene complain about anything.. It’s always her spoiled sister..” I sighed and felt how ’s hands started to rub my back gently.
”There’s always people like that” he answered me.
Then there were voiced heard in the hallway on the bottom floor and soon we heard how people started to go up the stairs. Miranda’s voice was heard clearly now.
”As she would have a boyfriend! She can fool anyone else with that comment.. Just because she don’t have one, why should the rest of us that has one suffer? That bed is so small! I deserve better..” she complained as she went up the stairs and it continued as she reached the top o them and when she went into the room next to mine.
”Bitch” I mumbled and giggled.
”What was she saying?” he asked.
I shrugged ”Oh it was the old complaining song: poor me, poor me.. Life is a bitch and I can’t get what I want.. and so on”
Miranda’s complaining voice was still heard as a mumble from the other room and sometimes you could hear Stefan’s deep voice as he replied to something his girlfriend had said.
”How come you and your cousin’s don’t get along?” asked after a whole. To this I sighed, broke away from the embrace and went to stand by the window. As I looked out over the dark forest I thought back on things that had happened before I started to talk.
“MY aunt has always thought that she was better then my mother.. when I was younger, my family didn’t have it so good with money, while my aunt had. She had married her husband mostly because that he had money.. and she never missed a chance to show my parents that they had it much better then us, economically that is” I got quiet.
“It hurt my mum very much, but she never showed it. And my grandmother was nice to help is most of the times.. this my aunt used against my mother too..” I heard footsteps behind me and seconds later I once again felt ’s arms around my waist. I leaned against his chest.
“When I got older, I ended up in the same school as the twins. Madeliene never did me anything bad, the only fault was that she always took her sisters side.. but Miranda.. Lord I hate her! She made my life in school miserable”
“How come?” asked gently.
I smiled bitterly “By always beat me in things.. If I had something then she wanted the same and usually she got the same thing as I had.. and if it was possible.. it was more expensive which she always pointed out. I didn’t care that much.. but sure, it did hurt. But what was worse was when I started to date a guy in school when I was around 15.. you know what she did?” I asked him.
“She started to date his big brother?” asked as a joke. I smiled and shook my head.
“If it only had been that good” I said “She actually started to flirt with him and stuff.. in the end he dumped me for her.. she dated him for a while before she dumped him. After that.. as soon as I started to show interest in a guy or him in me.. then she was there, doing her best to get him in other thoughts. After a while I stopped showing interest in anything at all” I then gave an evil smile “The only thing she never tried to beat me in, was when I moved to England. She never dared to do that”
“I am glad that you did mover.. cause I don’t think that I would have met you in that case” He mumbled against my ear. I felt how I blushed and turned my head so that I could look at his face.
“You’re so sweet .. It’s a pity all people can’t be like you” I said and gently brushed my hand against his cheek.
A knocking on my bedroom door brought us back to reality.
“Is there anything that we can eat in the kitchen or do we have to starve?” Miranda’s voice was heard through the closed door. I sighed.. that meant that she wanted me to cook something for them.
“You still don’t know how to boil an egg Mirre?” I asked rudely and heard how she almost choked in anger.
“That is not any of your business” was her reply.
I took that as an ‘No, I still haven’t learn how to boil water’ I smiled satisfied “Go down and I’ll come.. I might even show you how to boil water”
I heard her mumble something to Stefan and then how they went down the stairs.
“What was that about?” asked me as their footsteps faded away. I shook my head.
“Nothing.. I just checked how good Miranada’s cooking skills were” I said and tried to look innocent.
He laughed at this “That means that you probably said something rude” and let go of my waist.
I reached out my tongue at him and headed to the door “You want tea or something?” I asked before I opened it.
“Tea will do fine thank you” he replied.

Muttering to myself, I opened the dishwasher and started to put in the dirty dishes.
“Do you need help?” I heard Madeliene’s voice above my head. I looked up and gave her a quick smile.
“Nah.. don’t worry” I shook my head “I’m almost done here anyway” and took the plate she was holding.
She looked insecure “Ok.. , may I ask you something?” she then asked carefully.
“Yeah sure” I nodded.
“Was it your boyfriend that stood in the window when we unloaded the car?” she then asked. I looked at her, wondering what she wanted with that question. Then I nodded slowly “Yeah that was my boyfriend” I said and now when I said the words.. it felt a bit strange to call for my boyfriend..
“You know what Miranda will do right?”
“She has Stefan.. Why would she care about who I’m dating?” I asked.
She shrugged “I don’t know.. You have to ask her about it, not me”
I sighed “ can’t hide in my room until you lot have left” I said.
“I know.. But remember that I’ve warned you. I know my sister and how she thinks.. Thank you for the meal. Goodnight” and with that she went to my parent’s bedroom. I looked at her back and wished that I knew how her sisters really twisted mind worked...

Quickly I passed Stefan and Miranda, who were making out on the couch in the living-room, and started to walk up the stairs to my room trying not to spill some of the tea I had in the two cups. With a lot of effort I managed to knock on the door with my elbow and shortly after opened it.
”Sorry that it took time” I excused myself and handed him a cup.
“It’s OK” he answered me.
He sat down on the bed while I sat down on a chair I had in my room.
“What’s bothering you?” he asked after some minutes of silence. I shrugged.
“I’m just thinking on something that Madeliene said” and I told him about what she had said in the kitchen.
“It makes me wonder how some people think.. specially how Miranda thinks” I ended with a sigh.
stood up and put his cup of tea on the window ledge before he knelt down in front of me.
“You’re worrying too much. In the end, she’s the one who’s gonna look like the fool.. not you” she said and put his hands in my thighs. I gave him a weak smile.
“I guess you’re right.. but still..”
he put up one of his hands in the air to shut me up.
“Don’t think about it .. Now I want to go to bed and get some sleep. I haven’t slept since God knows when”

Chapter 11

Half asleep I took out ’s Jeans from the washing machine and put them into the tumble dryer. I had found them in the bathroom the evening before and got them washed.
Afterwards I yawned largely and headed into the bathroom, where I searched for an old pair of jeans. I was gonna take a ride with one of the horses so I needed something that I didn’t care about that much.
In the end I found the jeans and went out to the stable. At half five in the morning, everything were so quiet and wonderful.. and then the smell! I took a deep breath of the fresh morning air and felt much more awake then I had done a bit earlier.
Thirty minutes later, I sat up on Star’s back and made our way through the forest to the open fields. There I let him stretch his left and I felt like I were flying as I leant over his made and made him speed up even more.
Almost an hour later, both me and the horse were exhausted as we got up to the stable. I dried him carefully and started to mock out. When I was done with that, I gave them food and headed in.
First of all, I was gonna take a long shower and after that it was time to start with the breakfast.

I felt refreshed as I got out from the bathroom after the shower.
“Good morning” I heard a sleepy voice saying from the other side of the room. I looked up and saw Madeliene stand in the door opening from my parents room to the kitchen.
“Good morning” I replied “Had a nice sleep?”
She nodded and came towards me. “Yeah.. I were dead tired when I went to bed.. been ages ago since I slept like this well if I am gonna be honest. Must be the air.”
I smiled “Yeah probably. You up for breakfast?”
She nodded again
“How is it with your sister and that thing she dates?” I then asked “Do they eat breakfast too?”
“Do for all of us if you want . I am just gonna take a quick shower and then I’m gonna go and wake them up, OK?”
“OK” I agreed and saw how she went into the bathroom.
Not even ten minutes later, she came back out again.
“I’m gonna wake them up now” She said “Is there anything you want me to tell them?”
I nodded “Yeah tell them that if they aren’t down within five minutes, then they’ll be out of breakfast” I told her and smiled. She replied that smile.
“I’ll do that.. does this include your boyfriend too?”
”Nah, he’ll be down before it is time for us to eat. Specially if your sister still have that lovely morning temper..”
Madeliene just shrugged and headed out from the kitchen. I were about I put sliced bacon and onion into the frying pan, when Miranda’s high pinched voice was heard in the form of really rude swear words.
“Yupp.. She still have that bad morning temper” I said out loud and went to get some eggs from the fridge.
Madeliene returned back to the kitchen.
”I think you heard her” she said.
“Yeah I did” I replied “Tea?”
“Yes please”
Five minutes later the other twin and her boyfriend came down to the kitchen.
“If you think that you’re funny, then you think very wrong” was her morning greeting.
I moved my attention from the scrambled eggs to her. I think she’s one of the few persons in the world that could look good as soon as they woke up… “Good morning to you too” I said cheerfully to her and returned my attention to the eggs. They were almost done when a husky, Irish voice was heard from the door opening “Good morning ladies and gents” he said.
I moved the frying-pan from the stove and looked at him, feeling how I stared to smile.
“Morning ” I said and got a smile as a reply. He was dressed in a pair of jeans and a white, unbuttoned shirt.
“Good morning Sweetie” he said and smiled even more. I felt how I went all gooey when he did it..
“You need help?” he asked and moved towards me. I shook my head. “Sit down. I’m done here anyway” I answered him. He did what I had told him and I picked up the scrambled eggs and went to the table.
“Ok..” I said as I put the pan down on the table and sat down next to .
“I guess that I should maybe introduce everyone” and got a strange look from both Stefan and Miranda. Madeliene was the only one that didn’t look at me in disbelief.
“Ok.. This is Stefan, Miranda and Madeliene” I pointed at the person as I said their name “And this is ” I finally said, making a gesture towards .
“Hello” he said, sounding really cheery and got just a mild response from the others. To be more exact, Madeliene had been the only one greeting back.
Stefan seemed to be struck over to find another guy except himself in the house and Miranda seemed to be thinking on something..
A bit into the breakfast, the conversations went more fluently. and Madeliene got into a conversation about things that were worthy to see in Gothenburg, while the other two had small inputs now and then.

“So what do you work with ?” Stefan asked after a while’s conversation. glanced at me and I shrugged. I did not have a clue why he wanted my help.
“I sell records” replied with a smile and started to spread marmalade on a piece of toast.
“OK, so you work in a CD shop then?” Stefan got a satisfying smile as the thought of selling CD’s for a living was fun.
shook his head “No.. I earn my money by selling records, concert tickets and stuff like that” I glanced over at him and saw that he was enjoying making Stefan confused.
“Now I don’t really get it” he said and Miranda gave an annoyed sigh.
“He is in a pop band you idiot!” she said.
“It’s not easy to guess so you don’t have to be insulting” said and took a bite of the toast.
“How long have you two known each other?” Miranda asked and by that changing the subject and by that preventing that the couple would start and argue by the table.
I looked at and frowned “How long is it ?” I asked him “About a year now?”
He nodded “Yeah.. you joined us before we went to Asia last year..”
Madeliene looked confused “Joined? Now I don’t understand”
I opened my mouth to answer, but beat me to it.
“She worked as a security guard.. first time we ever had a female guard and I do remember how argued about it when ever he go the chance”
I groaned as he mentioned it “Don’t talk about it .. I was really tempted to either punch his face or leave him in the mercy of the fans” I said annoyed. laughed at this.
“What was she really that bad?” Stefan asked with a smirk. shook his head and I gave Stefan a glare.
“ managed to do her job really well. She actually were so good that she got a contract to work with us this year too”
“And why isn’t she working then?”
“For the first, we are on vacation. That is one of the reasons to why I am here.. and the second reason is that got some problems with her health, so she was forced to quit.”
This kind of talk continued for a while and in the end, Madeliene asked how long we had been dating and by that, once again, preventing that the guys would loose their tempers, as it was obvious that Stefan was doing this.
“Me and haven’t been together for that long” I answered a bit airy.
Miranda, who had been sitting listening, spoke for the first time in a while.
“Would you dump if you got tempted by something better” she asked, giving a sweet smile.
gave her a look as he thought that she had been joking, then he frowned when he realised that she wasn’t.
“No, I don’t think so.. I love for what and who she is.. I have a hard time to think that I’ll find anyone who can beat that” he said and I could hear a warning undertone in his voice. And then it hit me.. had said that he loved me…

Everything was like a blur in my head. All I could think of was that had said that he loved me. This made me think on my own feelings towards him once more.. I liked him very much, I really did.. but did I love him? I didn’t know! And this made me feel even more confused and hadn’t made things easier by saying what he had said..
With a sigh I put down a plate in the dishwasher and straightened up again. I was still deep in my thoughts, when two arms sneaked around my waist.
“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do this” I heard mumble in my ear.
I pushed away my thought and smiled “And why didn’t you do it then?” I asked, trying to seem innocent. He gave a laugh
“And get smacked in the face by you? Or even worse.. having after me”
“It doesn’t sound so bad”
“You haven’t had running after you”
“No I haven’t..”
“So shush then.. cause it’s a nightmare to have him cashing you.. specially if he’s angry”
His lips caressed my neck and I felt a shiver walk down my spine. Man! That felt good.. I pressed my back against his chest as a reaction.
“Oh! Check into a room for stuff like that!” Miranda’s disgusted voice was heard and we moved away from each other.
“I really don’t think that it is any of your business what we are doing and where we are doing it” I said, sounding nonchalant as I didn’t care, even if I felt how my cheeks burnt from the blushing. Miranda just glared at us before she turned around and walked out from the kitchen.
I sighed frustrated “Who the hell does she think she is?” I fumed “It’s not she that lives here!”
“ calm down” said softly and wrapped his arms around my waist again “She’s not worthy tog et angry on.. but she did say something good..” he lowered his voice and I could feel his breathe, first on the back of my neck and then just behind my left ear.
“You.. me.. your room and continue with this..” and he kissed my neck again.
A moan managed to escape my lips as he did this and he gave a satisfied laugh.
“I’ll take that as a yes” he said and I nodded, knowing that my voice wouldn’t work. Slowly he unwrapped his arms from my waist and grabbed my hand, starting to pull me towards the exit of the kitchen.
“But the dishes..” I objected weakly.
“The dishes aren’t going anywhere” he replied and pulled me away from them. Slowly I gave in and started to walk after him, gripping his hand a bit harder. This made him smile and we went out from the kitchen and up the stairs to my room..

Afterwards we laid in my bed, both gasping for air. rolled of me and rested his head on the pillow, licking his lips while he tried to breathe.
I put my head on the left side of his chest and as I did it I could hear his heart beat fast and then how it started to beat slower and slower, until it had gotten into it’s normal and slow beating. None of us spoke, just laid there in each others arms and let the silence talk for itself.
Soon ’s breathing became slow and rhythmical. I too closed my eyes as my thoughts stated to swirl around in my head. It had never felt this way with .. sure had been good and everything but... with it felt so special, so.. pure and.. I sighed.. What I just had experienced had been new to me. It had just felt so.. marvellous! Even if that word did not come a bit close to what I had felt.
Slowly I opened my eyes and raised my head, leaning it against my hand and looked down at ’s sleeping face.
“I love you ” I mumbled without thinking. It took me couple of seconds before I realised it.. Yes I did love .. but this love was so different towards the one I had for . I realised it now.. I thought that I had found the real love this time.

An intense knocking on my bedroom door woke up both me and with a start.
“Errr yeah?” I said, all confused.
“.. Stefan and Miranda has found your car and are planning to take a drive in it” Madeliene’s voice was heard through the door.
I blinked several times and tried to think.
”Shit! I’m on my way!” I said and rubbed my eyes.
Madeliene went down the stairs as I tried to get a grip of the reality.
“What was that about?” asked in a really husky voice.
“Stefan’s found my cat and he and the idiot to girlfriend are planning to take it out on a drive” I answered him as I got out of bed and started to get dressed. I only pulled on my shorts and the t-shirt and dashed out from the room, down the stairs.
I had worked hard and even risked my life to earn the money for that car and I didn’t want it to get destroyed because of some stupid idea that braindead couple had got.
As I got out from the house, I saw them and Madeliene stand by the garage, having a huge argue.
“I can’t believe that you told her!” Miranda said in a blaming tone.
“Yeah! Couldn’t you just shut up about it? We would’ve been back before she noticed anything” Stefan added, giving Madeliene an angry look.
“It’s not your car and I don’t think that would get happy if she found out aht you had taken it” Madeliene defended her actions.
“What she don’t know..” her sister started to say but I cut he off as I approached them.
“But now I do know and I would really love to hear your explanation” I said, feeling how I started to fume. I took some deep breathes to calm myself down and then looked at first Miranda and then at her boyfriend.
“Well??” I urged them.
“We just wanted to take a ride in it” Miranda then said with a childish voice.
“Did it occur to you to ask the owner of the car for permission?” I asked, feeling more and more angry for every passing second.
“We didn’t think that you would mind” Stefan said.
I raised an eyebrow and looked at him.
“Excuse me?” I said “I wouldn’t mind?” I felt how my self-control gave in “I’ve worked hard and even risked my own fucking life so that I could afford to buy that car and you think that I wouldn’t mind? Then you think very wrong” I almost shouted now. With a lot of effort I took a deep breathe and lowered my voice “I don’t care what you do with your own money or car.. but don’t think that you can do whatever you want with mine..” I warned them and turned around, heading towards the entrance.

I was still angry when I some minutes later turned on the dishwasher. I swore every word I knew and then continued with some that probably had never seen the daylight before.
“Is it OK to enter?” ’s voice was heard from the kitchen entrance and I looked that way, nodding.
“Yeah, it is as long as your name isn’t Miranda or Stefan” I replied.
“Still angry?” he asked as he entered and walked towards me.
I shook my head “I’m not angry.. I am furious!”
“What was their excuse?”
I snorted “The idiot’s thought that I wouldn’t mind or that I wouldn’t find out that they had used the car” I said and tried to ignore the anger.
“Awww… come here” he said and wrapped his arms around me. My arms found their way around his waist as I hid my head against his shoulder. The anger was fading away, but the annoyance was still there.. I moved my head from his shoulder and looked at him.
“How stupid can..” I started to say, but put a finger against my lips.
“You get too angry and annoyed over things .. They didn’t take the careand you’ve told them what’s on your mind.. Now let it go”
I gave him a glare. Why did he have to be right? I sighed
“I guess you are right” I said and tried to smile and ignore the feeling that I would rather strangle both Miranda and her boyfriend, then to calm down..
“That’s my girl..” smiled and wrapped his arms tighter around me, looking into my eyes.
“What do you say about that we continued with what we did before we fell asleep?” he suggested with a grin. I laughed and threw a look at the clock behind his back.. 4 pm already? Man we had slept quite a while it seemed. I looked back at .
“Sorry babe.. but I think it’s best that I start and prepare for the dinner” I said and kissed his lips slightly “Even if I’d rather let the two idiots cook their own food” I added.
made a disappointed face “Oh well.. I guess I can’t get my wishes through ever time huh?” and let go of me.
I laughed “I thought that I was the one getting all the wishes granted” I said and headed towards the fridge. When I opened it, I turned towards again “If you help me, I promise that I will do my best to grant your wishes later on” I said and gave him a devilish smile.

The dinner turned out to be quite calm. Once again and Madeliene got into a conversation, while I listened just partly on what was said.
Miranda and Stefan had decided to go into town and have dinner at one of the more fancy restaurants that were there.
It was just as good, cause I still got angry every time I saw them.
After we had eaten, I sent Madeliene and off to watch some TV while I took care of the dishes.
I was almost done when Madeliene came into the kitchen.
“.. I was wondering if you could drive me into town so I could get a train into Gothenburg” she asked me nervously. I looked up from the dishes and frowned.
“Yeah, sure I can do it.. but why didn’t you go into town with your sister?” I asked as I picked up another plate and put it down in the dishwasher.
“Erm.. I am not sure that she would give me a ride in anyway..” she mumbled and looked down on her feet.
I looked straight at her “Is your sister always this selfish and egoistic?” I asked her at the same time as I tried to ignore the annoying feeling.
She looked up at me for some seconds before she said: “She has her good sides too ”
This was typical for Madeliene: Always defending her sister, not matter what she had said or done.
“I’m sorry to say that if she has any good sides.. then she hides them really well, cause I’ve sure never seen them” I replied and then looked at my watch “Are you ready to leave in about 30 minutes?” I then asked and saw her smile.
“Yeah! I just need to get dressed” she said and dashed off to the room she was borrowing.
I got finished with the dishes and then went out to the living room, just to find dozed off.
I started to grin largely and headed back tot the kitchen. Soon I came back with a glass of cold water.. Slowly I approached the couch and then hesitated. I should maybe not throw the water on him.. and then I thought on the consequences.. The couch would get destroyed.. I made up my mind and got closer to the sleeping figure. Slowly I poured the water over his face and it made him wake up with a start “Hey! What the..? he said and then saw me standing there with the glass. Quickly I put it down and turned around, running towards the kitchen, hoping that I would manage to get to the bathroom before he caught up with me. The bad part was tat I was laughing too much, so caught up with me before I had reached the bathroom.
“You think that it was funny?” he asked as he got a tighter grip around my waist and lifting me up.
I squealed and just laughed even more as a reply.
“We’ll see if you think this is funny..” he then said and started to carry me into the bathroom and towards the shower booth.
“Noooo!!” I managed to squeal as I started to struggle.
“Give me one good reason to why I shouldn’t do it!” said, sounding dead serious. But when I managed to get a glimpse of his face, I could see that his eyes were twinkling of laughter.
“Because you love me way too much to do this to me and I have to drive Madeliene into town” I blurted out as the booth came closer and closer. I sure didn’t want to get a cold shower!
He stopped and put me down “Why didn’t you said so?” he asked surprised.
I turned around and looked at him, confused. Say what? I thought.. he had said this morning that he loved me.. even if it hadn’t been directly into my face: he had said it… or was it just me who had read too much in the words?
“Say what?” I asked loudly, praying.
“That we are going into town. You should’ve said it from the start” he replied me. Then he gave me a strange look “By the way.. Did you think I loved you?” he asked surprised.
I felt stupid as I looked down at my feet. I had read too much into the words he had said this morning.. I heard how he started to walk towards me and soon his legs came into my view.
“.. Look at me” He said and with a lot of effort, I managed to look up into his smiling face.
“Now I got you!” He smiled even larger and then it hit me.. The bloody bastard had just been teasing me! I narrowed my eyes. This made him laugh and he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer.
“I love you .. but now we’re even” he said and gave ma a cheeky smile.
I felt how I melted and wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him. “Love you too ” I mumbled against his lips and this time he was the one kissing me.
After a while I broke away from the embrace.
“I’m gonna go and get dressed. Are you coming with us?”
He nodded “Yeah I can do that” he said and took my hand as we walked out from the bathroom.
“You think that we can rent a movie?” he then asked.

The following two days went on without anything happening at all.
The second day Me and had gone into Gothenburg and visited the amusement park that they had there and the third day we had just been doing nothing and the best thing had been that Miranda and Stefan weren’t anywhere near!
They had been away visiting some friends that lived in Gothenburg.. and to drop off some of Madeliene’s things too, as she had decided to stay at her friends place in the city.
Now on the third day, I woke up by feeling a bit cold and lonely. Slowly I opened my eyes and noticed that weren’t in bed. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I looked at my watch and noticed that it had passed 10 am. It had been ages ago since I had slept this long and I blamed it on the nights with .. not that it was bad or anything..
Half asleep, I got dressed in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and headed downstairs.
Well down I got greeted by the smell of tea and bacon. Wondering who was cooking food, I continued to the kitchen and got welcomed by the sight of standing by the stove in only a pair of shorts.
I leant against the wall and enjoyed the view for a moment before I said “Good morning” which made him turn around with a smile.
“’Morning” he said “You’ve destroyed my surprise you know?”
“Oh what surprise?”
“As you slept so long, I had been thinking to wake you up with a breakfast in bed”¨
I started to walk towards him, smiling “Oh.. That sounds lovely.. I should maybe go back to bed again?” I asked.
He laughed “You don’t have to you know”
I stopped behind his back and ran my hands up and then down again before I moved them round to his stomach. At the same time as I did this, I kissed his back and slowly ran my hands up to his chest and then down again. This made groan loudly “I’m gonna burn the eggs ” he warned me.
I kissed him just below his neck “Oh? So you don’t like this?” I asked him with an innocent voice and kissed him again.
“.. I am warning you” he said with a really husky voice and I smiled satisfied. I had reached my goal.
Just at the same time, Miranda’s car drew by the kitchen window and up on the driveway that led to the garage.
With a sigh I moved away from “Why does she always have to come and destroy things?” I asked out loudly, even if I knew that I wouldn’t get a satisfying answer on it.
chuckled “At least she came in time.. couple of more seconds and I would’ve forgotten the eggs and put my concentration on you instead”
I sighed and looked up at the ceiling “Thank you so much!” I said loudly and headed into the bathroom, cursing over that things hadn’t gone further..

Chapter 12

The heat was unbelievable! Me and were lying in a blanket in the shadows, talking about different things. There weren’t much else to do cause the head drained you on all your powers.
“.. when will you tell about us?” I asked after some minutes of silence. I didn’t want to destroy the good conversation we had, but this had been bothering me for a while and I needed an answer to that question.
“I’ve been thinking the same thing” answered “The best thing would be to tell him next time we meet..”
“Yeah that sounds good” I agreed and once again the silence came over us and I sighed.. I hated this pressuring heat! There weren’t even a bloody breeze!
Then I remembered something.. We had a small lake nearby.. and I knew just the perfect spot for a dip! I said this to and he groaned “You didn’t think about it until now?”
“Sorry.. I haven’t bee home for the summer for over two years.. It’s easy to forget places like that.. specially if you weren’t a frequent visitor to the place” I defended myself “So what do you say?” I then asked and as a reply, got up “I’m just gonna go and find another pair of shorts” he said and headed off into the house.
I had to find my bathing suit, but at the moment I couldn’t be bothered to get up.
After a moment, Mirandas voice was heard “Here we are, looking like we rule the world”
I looked up at her “Get a life” I replied and closed my eyes, hoping that she would go away. To my bad luck: she didn’t.
“You think that you are something just because you have a famous boyfriend ?” her voice was heard once again and I opened my eyes, giving her a glare.
“Enjoy it while you can.. soon you won’t have him anymore cause he will be mine” she said.
“You are a strange person Miranda, you know that? Don’t come here and think that you can do whatever you want.. aren’t like the boys in school, he do have a brain and won’t go to you” I sat up, feeling how I started to lose my temper. How dared she? Come here and act like she was better then everyone else? She gave me a cold smile.
“It’s not talk about brains here .. It’s talk about taste”
I stood up “Yeah.. Lack of taste when they choose you” I told her and walked away. I would not let her destroy my good mood. That was one thing for sure.

After a bit of searching I decided to take my bikini, cause the bathing suit was no where to be found.
We were just about to leave when Miranda showed up.
“Can I join you?” she asked with a baby voice and flashed a sweet smile. I opened my mouth to tell her to go to hell, but answered faster “Yeah sure you can come. Is Stefan coming too?”
“Great!” she beamed “I’m gonna ask him , but I don’t think that he wants to join us” and with that she left the room.
I glared at “Why did you say that?” I hissed.
“Calm down, it’s not that bad.. we’re just gonna go and swim.”
I glared at him even more and walked out doors, trying to calm down. I heard someone walking behind me, bit I did not turn around to check who it was.
“ wait!” then yelled. I stopped and turned around, facing him.
“What is wrong with you?” he asked me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, hearing how my voice got high pinched. “I’ll tell you what is wrong! That you agreed that Miranda joined us, that is what’s wrong!”
He took a deep breathe and pulled his fingers through his hair “Jesus Christ ! We are just gonna go and swim! It’s not such of a big deal!” he sounded frustrated.
“For you it may not be, but for me it is” I hissed “I don’t want her near me or around me.. end of story”
“OK.. If you want it that way, then I will tell them that they can’t join us”
“Don’t bother with that” I snapped and walked away.

We arrived at the small shore and put town the towels on the grass. Stefan hadn’t joined us, so it was just me, and Miranda and the last mentioned one, seemed to be happy by the tensed atmosphere between me and my boyfriend.
I didn’t say anything to them, I just pulled off my t-shirt and shorts and went out in the humid water.
When I had come out a bit, I threw a quick look over my shoulder and saw that Miranda was laying down on her towel, next to .
Quickly I looked away and then dived into the water, swimming a bit before I cam back up to the surface again.
I sighed as I looked back towards the shore and saw that was walking towards the water. Maybe did I overreact? Maybe Miranda wouldn’t try any of her skeems.. I thought and then heard her call ’s name, he stopped walking and then turned around to see what she wanted. I saw how she held up a bottle of something and then said something to him. said something back and then I saw how she gave him a begging smile.
That bloody cow! She did not have any moral what so ever!
And seemed to have no brain, as he walked up to her and taking the bottle from her.
I felt how I could burst of jealousy when I saw how started to massage in the cream on Miranda’s back.
Slowly I started to swim back to the shore and when I got out of the water, I only gave them a glare before I laid down on my stomach, hiding my face in my arms.
“Is the water fine?” asked.
“Yes it is” I answered shortly. All I wanted now, was to be left alone.
But I did feel a sting of guilt when I heard how he gave a sad sigh and then walked away.
For some seconds I thought to go after him, but my stubborn side said that I should not, so I did not.
After some minutes of silence, Miranda said: “I think we would be a cute couple”
I looked up at her, wondering if it was legal to kill relatives if you had a reason to it.
“Don’t even think that thought if you know what’s good for you” I warned her. She gave me one of her cold smiles.
“I can think on what ever I want ”
“Not if you want to live another year.. and beside.. you already have a boyfriend”
She gave a fake laugh “Stefan? If I could dump him for someone like , then I would”
I got up in an sitting position “Your skeems won’t work this time Miranda..”
“What skeems?” She asked in an innocent tone “I haven’t done anything”
I gave her a look on disbelief “Yeah right.. you haven’t done anything” I said, facing her totally now “Why did you want to join us in that case? As you don’t like to swim”
“That is not any of your business”
I looked at her, coldly “I’ve warned you Miranda.. You stay out of my relationship with .. you hear?”
“If you are warning me .. Then it means that you don’t trust him”
“I do trust him.. It’s you who I don’t trust” and then added, “If you know what’s best for you.. then listen to my warning: keep away from my boyfriend or you’ll regret the day you got born” I looked out over the lake and saw ’s head above the water surface.
I realised that I ad to talk to him and apologise for my behaviour. It hadn’t really been him I had been angry on.. but Miranda. Without even giving her another look, I stood up and went down to the water

Four days later, the day before we should leave for England, ’s phone rang. I tried to ignore it and apparently, so did ‘cause the phone continued to ring.
“Answer the gawd damn phone!” I groaned and hid my head under the pillow. I heard how he mumbled something and then I heard his hoarse voice “ here”
I put my head on the pillow again when I heard him go “WHAT?” In a really shocked tone. I opened my eyes and met his gaze “In what paper?.. OK.. We’ll try and take a plane today and I’ll phone you when we’ve landed OK?.. Bye” and then he closed his phone “Damn it!” he swore and at once I was awake “What’s wrong?” I asked and put my hand on his bare back. He looked at me and I could see that there was a mix of anger and sadness written in his face.
That was on the phone.. There is a meeting tomorrow morning in London..” he said.
I could sense that he was hiding something.
“Why?” I asked.
“There’s something in The Sun today..” he answered avoidingly.
“What?” I urged.
“Nothing important..”
“ tell me or do I have to force it out of you? Cause if it wasn’t important.. then why should there be a meeting tomorrow morning in that case?”
He sighed “It’s about you and me..” he said and now he looked straight at me.
“What?” I asked again.. not knowing what else to say.
“There’s pictures with you and me in it” he said “I’m gonna sue the fucking bastard that took those pictures!” now the anger came up to the surface as he punched his fist into the mattress.
“.. They are only pictures.. no harm done there” I said in an attempt to calm him down.
He gave a bitter laugh and a sad shadow covered his face as he looked back at me.
“.. They are of us making love”
“WHAT?” I asked in a high pinched voice “How the hell did this happen?” I then asked, still not being able to believe it..
shrugged “I honestly don’t know”
I sighed and laid down on the bed, pulling the blanked over my head “It can’t be true” I groaned.
I heard him sigh “It is , but one this is for sure.. I’m gonna kill the bastard who took those pictures”

It felt like I was throwing up my guts as I stood bent over the toiled seat and threw up what I had eaten on the airplane. Next to me was , looking really worried. Gently he supported me as I stood up.
“I should maybe go alone” he suggested.
I barely shook my head “I’ll go too.. I haven’t flown all this way just so you shall go on that meeting alone..” I said and swallowed heavily. I just wished that this nausea could pass.
“You sure that you’re OK sweetie?” he asked me for the millionth time. If I had the strength I would have gotten annoyed. Now I just sighed “yes I am OK.. once this nausea passes” I replied and felt how my stomach protested.
I looked at him and caressed his worried face “Don’t worry babe.. I’m OK” I said and even managed to give a smile. The3 worried expression disappeared a from his face and he relaxed a little, even him giving a small smile.
“Shall we go down then?” he asked.
I nodded “You go down and I’ll follow you in couple of minutes.. I still feel a bit sick an I need to do some things..” I said and saw how he opened his mouth to object, but then closed it “Don’t take too long” he said instead.
“Don’t worry.. the conference room?”
“Yupp..” and he gave me a tender kiss on my cheek before he left.
I gave a sigh as he closed the door, but as a reaction my stomach started to protest.
Quickly I dashed into the bathroom again and leant over the touled seat in the last second before I threw up again.
When I was sure that nothing more would come up, I went out to the bedroom gain and searched for my toothbrush and the tooth paste. Hopefully some of the nausea would go away if the disgusting taste it my mouth would disappear.
When I were done with that, I washed my face and soon I were on my way to the lobby and the conference room.
Carefully I opened the door a little and peeped in to check who was there. To my surprise I only saw and he had an anry expression on his face. I opened the dorr totally and stepped in.
“Something wrong?” I asked as I approached him.
Quickly he looked up and then closed the newspaper that was lying on the table in front of him.
“No, nothings wrong” he quickly said.. too quickly if you asked me about it.
I glanced over at the papers when I got closer and noticed that it was The Sun. I reached for it as I stopped next to him, but he moved it away from me.
“Come on .. I wanna know what it says about us and I wanna know where the pictures were taken” I said, getting a bit annoyed and reached for the paper again and once again he moved it out of my reach.
“There’s nothing interesting in there” he said, not sounding totally convincing and stood up.
“..” I said, getting really annoyed “I will find out sooner or later so why don’t you just five me the papers?”
“There’s nothing you want to see”
“..” I said not in a warning tone ad reached for the paper once more, and he held it out of my reach.
This went on for some minutes and in the end he gave up. I think it was more to prevent us to start to argue than anything else.
“OK! OK! I am giving you the paper then” he said and handed me the papers.
Nervously I grabbed them and sat down on the chair that had been sitting in earlier.
With shaking hands, I started to go through the pages and then I saw the article and the pictures of us together.
“Oh my God” I managed to mumbled, I didn’t know what else I should say to be honest.
The pictures had been taken down by the shore and they had managed to get them to look like something disgusting was happening, instead of the wonderful thing the lovemaking had been.
I felt how gently put a hand on my shoulder and I looked up at his face at the same time as I put one of my hands above his, giving him a small smile before I turned my attention to the article.
“How did they know about me and ?” I asked after reading the first part of the article. For some reason, I felt like crying.
“I actually don’t know how they managed to find out about him” answered me in a low voice.
I continued to read.
When I was done with the story I sighed, trying to ignore the feeling that I wanted to cry.
“They are making it sound like I am some kind of slut” I mumbled and looked up at him, biting my lower lip.
He had a sad expression on his beautiful face. He took my hand and motioned to my to stand up. I did that and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer.
I wrapped arms around his waist too and buried my face in the side of his neck.
I don’t know how long we stood there, but it felt comforting to feel his strong arms wrapped around me.
“If you are gonna do stuff like that, then go up to your room” a male voice was then heard behind me. I quickly turned around and felt how ’s grip around my waist hardened when his gaze landed on the new comer.

“You should’ve been more careful! You bloody know that paparazzi do their best to get a picture of you and your latest girlfriend” Dennis raised his voice. Louis hadn’t been able to make it to the meeting, so he had sent his right hand instead.
Dennis was a young man in his mid 20’s. He was quite good looking with his dark hair and even darker eyes, but his snobbish attitude annoyed me.
quickly stood up and his is fist on the table. He was about to lose his temper.. Dennis was playing with fire now.
“How the hell could they find out about a relationship that I’ve just gotten into? And how the hell could they find out where she lived? She lives in the middle of a forest for crying out loud!” he said with a raised voice “And then: how could the find out that she’s been with ? The only ones who knew about it except for the band and security were you, Louis and her boss”
Dennis seemed to become a bit comfortable as glared at him.
I grabbed the arm of ’s shirt and gently tugged at it “ please sit down sweetie” I mumbled “They only think you will gain with these outbursts is a heartattack.”
He looked down at me and opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off “Please?” I gave him a pleading look.
He gave a sigh and sat down, turning his attention to Dennis once more.
“Me and have not done anything wrong” he said with a dead calm voice that I found more frightening then his outburst.
“Well it is you two who has been un-careful.. who else shall I blame?”
I looked at and saw how he clenched his jaws. I put a hand above his, he turned his head and looked at me. I just shook my head. Dennis was only trying wind him up and he succeded with it very well.
Once again sighed and took a deep breathe before looking back on Dennis.
“Is there anything else you wanted to add or can we leave? Cause I don’t have anything more to say to you” He said, not hiding what he thought about he other guy in either his face or in his voice.
Dennis gave a cold smile “You can’t leave anywhere at the moment as your bandmates are here any minute now” And looked at his wrist watch.
only narrowed his eye brows and then turned away.
“Jesus Christ what I hate that him!” He mumbled to me. I gave him a small smile and shrugged. At that moment I didn’t want an argue.. even if I really hoped that a fist got planted between Dennis eyes.
After some seconds, stood up “I’ll go outside and wait for .. Need to talk to him before the jerk stars to talk to the rest” He said to me and then walked off before I could say anything: I watches as he opened the door and then closed it behind him.
I gave a sign: I did not like being in the room with Dennis, that guy was giving me the creeps.
“How long have you been thinking to date before you go after the next member?” Dennis asked me after a minute of silence.
Slowly I moved my gaze to him and looked at him with an emotionless face. I gave a deeps sigh and then moved my gaze back to the door again, praying that one of the guys would show up so that I didn’t have to be alone with this creep.
“I know everything about your kind.. go from one celebrity to another.. only after their money and some publicity” he continues, not sounding happy of my “answer” earlier on.
I kept my eyes on the door. “Everyone is not like you” I answered him with a tone that sounded as he was a nobody.
“No, but most girls are like you.. after a guys money and when you’re tired of him, then you move to another guy.. That is what you did with and now with .. isn’t it? Who are you gonna go after the next time? maybe? And destroy his relationship? Just like you destroyed the other twos?”
This time I looked straight at him, feeling furious.
“I have not destroyed anyone’s relationship, you hear? had broke up with long before him and I go together.” I said as calmly as I could, which was really hard as I would’ve rather punched the bastard.
“And and ?” Dennis asked, looking satisfied of my reaction.
“That is something between me and ” I replied back “But I weren’t the reason to why they broke up”
“Sure.. What was the reason to why he left her then? And the reason that you left at the same time?”
I put my hands on the table and stood up, leaning on them over the table. I felt how my nausea came back with a vengeance.
“Listen carefully” I said “What is going on between me, and is our business.. no one else’s.. we know what has happened and what has been said and done.. we know the true story. Me and do not care what is said about us and I know well enough to know that he do not care either.. So why don’t you just take and show this meeting up your fucking ass?” I straightened up and sat down in my chair, taking a deep breathe to force back the nausea. I did not feel well at all.
The only thing my outburst had managed with was that Dennis got an evil smirk on his face. Oh God I hated him!
At that moment the doors opened and in came , and .
“And here is the second reason to why we got called back from a really wonderful week at home” said with mock anger when he saw me. The others laughed.
“I love you too ” I retorted, failing to look hurt.
“This has nothing to do with my love for you ” he replied and looked at Dennis, nodding to him as a greeting.
”Louis busy so he sent you? Or was this your idea?” he asked, the joking tone was gone now.
“ sit down” Dennis just replied but it seemed that had struck a sensitive nerve.
The three guys came over to me and gave me a hug.
“You feeling OK?” asked “ mentioned on the phone that you didn’t feel that well”
I nodded “Yeah I am just fine.. The plane trip just made me feel a bit sick that is all”
He gave me a doubtful look.
“Is talking to ?” I asked, changing the subject. I did not like to discuss my health.
“Yeah, they are standing just outside” answered and sat down. and followed his example, leaving a chair on each side of me empty.
We continued to talk for a while and soon and entered the room.
By the look of their faces, they had managed to sort out everything and I got the proof of if when gave me a hard hug.
“We’ll talk later ” he mumbled in my hear before I managed to ask anything.
“OK” I mumbled back and he sat down on my right side, while sat down on my left.
Dennis cleared his throat and started to speak.
“You all know the reason to why Louis has called to this meeting..” he started.
“Yeah.. it’s cause you nagged on him and that you wanted to have yet another chance to tell us off as we were small children..” said loudly, as an answer to what Dennis just had said.
The other guys snickered at this, while Dennis got a red colour on his face.
“No, that is not the reason to why you are here” he said with a cold voice “The reason you are here is because of some band members scandalous pictures in yesterdays papers” he said, shooting a look.
“Oh, come one! They were just having sex in the free” said and I felt how I blushed as he winked at me.
“You should try it some time Dennis.. it’s really wonderful” he continued and the others laughed.
After that, I didn’t listen to what was said.
I was fighting against my nausea and in the end I had to run out of the room to the toilets.
I was washing my face with humid water when I heard a voice.
“Is it safe to get in here?” it asked.
I turned around and met s gaze.
“yeah.. There’s no girls in here” I answered as I took a towel and dried my face.
He came into the bathroom and looked at me with a concerned look. “ said that you’ve been feeling sick ever since you came to London” he said.
I shrugged “It’s all this stress” I said and sighed “I just hope that it will pass soon, cause I don’t think I will cope much more of this throwing up.. specially not now when I’ve just started to gain weight again”
He looked at me “You look much better now then you did the last time I saw you” he said starting to look insecure.
“.. I’m so sorry for the words in Brazil..” he blurted out “I never meant to hurt you..”
I gave him a smile “It’s ok .. Sure, I felt hurt and everything.. but it passed in the end and it was maybe for the best”
He nodded “I never knew that had those feelings for you.. not even when he had a go on me after you had left Brazil.. and now when I think about it.. He did say a lot of things that gave away his feelings for you.”

Epilogue

Me and talked for a while. It felt good to talk things through with him and in a way it felt like a part of me had been missing.
We were still in the bathroom, talking, when the doors opened and ’s head popped in.
“You still here? Got afraid that you had ran away or something like that” he joked and came in.
“You OK?” he asked me and I nodded. Then he turned to “And you’ve talked things through?”
“Yupp” nodded “What got said on the so called meeting?”
gave an annoyed sigh “I’m still praying that there will come a day when Dennis will get sacked.. He just complained a lot and did not say one intelligent thing!”
laughed “Tell me something new.. will complain about this to Louis and so will I.. I’m fuckin’ tired to dash to every meeting the dork has”
nodded “You are not the only one” He said and sighed. I bit my lip and wondered if I should tell them about what Dennis had told me in private.. but then decided to shut up. The last thing I needed at the moment was that both and lost their temper.

“Eat in or take out?” asked me as we were lying on the bed, watching some documentary on the TV.
“I feel for take out to be honest..” I replied and saw how he lit up.
“McDonald’s?” he asked hopefully.
I groaned “You and your McDonald’s ! We had that yesterday.. can’t you have something else for a change?”
We discussed for a while and in the end we agreed that we should have Chinese.
I got out of bed and headed into the bathroom to get ready, while phoned the rest to see if they wanted to join us.
When I came out again was sitting on the foot of the bed, frowning.
“What’s wrong?” I asked and he looked up at me.
“I just talked to and he advised us not to go out anywhere without either Paul or Dave”
“Why?”
He stood up and went to the window. “Come here and you’ll see” he said and waved with his hand. I did as he said.
“Look down and you’ll see”
I looked through the window and down on the ground.
There, far down, I saw several persons standing, looking as they waited on something or someone..
“They went crazy when got out from the hotel a bit earlier..”
I looked at him “Paparazzi?” and he nodded.
“Yupp, someone’s hinted to them that we are here..”
“Dennis?”
shrugged “Who else knows that we are all here? Dennis is the only one who is fake enough to do something like this he sounded annoyed, but then his eyes started to sparkle and he turned to me with a grin.
“If Dennis has challenged us then we will accept the challenge” he said.
I looked at him as he had gone mad. Just typically ! To compete about everything!
“We will?” I asked him doubtfully, hoping he would change his mind.. but to my bad luck: he didn’t.
“Yeah .. and we are going to win!” he turned his attention to the window and the paparazzi down on the ground. His eyes sparkled even more.
“And I know exactly how we shall fool them” He mumbled..

Later in the evening, I sat by a table in the bar, listening half on half on ’s over exaggerated explanation on how me and him had managed to get pass the photographers.
I met ’s gaze from across the table and saw how he shook his head and smiled. I replied that smile. knew that was overdoing it and I sighed as I turned my attention back to him.
Most of all I wanted to have for myself this evening, but that wasn’t gonna happen.
He and the lads were gonna have a night out and tomorrow, four of them were flying back home to Ireland, while had decided to stay two more days with me before he flew home to his family.
I sighed one more time and emptied my glass of diet coke.
Man I were gonna miss him when he had gone home again and I did not know when we would see each other again either as I could not leave England at the moment…
I yawned and stood up.
“I’m going to bed guys.. I’m dead tired and just want to sleep now” I said and started to stand up too..
“You can stay with the guys I can find my way back to our room by myself”
He gave me a doubtful look and I continued “You stay here and don’t rush OK?” I gave me a smile. He smiled back and stood up, leaning over to give me a slight kiss.
“I won’t be long” he mumbled and I caressed his cheek before I turned around and left the bar.

Well inside the room I flumped down on the bed and closed my eyes. Not that I felt tired or anything. The sleepy feeling I had had in the bar was long gone now. I opened my eyes and sat up on the bed.
I didn’t feel tired so I knew I wouldn’t fall asleep.. so what would I do then? In the end I decided to change clothes and read a book until I felt tired.
I changed to a t-shirt and then went to my bags in the search for my book. I knew I had brought it with me. The only question was: in what bad had I put it in?
I found it after a bit of searching and I was on my way back to the bed, when I got the idea to look through the window.
Looking down, I noticed figures moving in and out of the street lights.
Would they ever give up? I thought and shook my head. I didn’t have anything against that my relationship with wasn’t a secret, but it had become official too early and in a very wrong way.
I sighed and shook my head. What’s been done had been done and neither me nor could change that.
I went to the bed, slid in under the sheets and started to read the book.
I don’t know for how long I had been reading when my mobile phone rang. To my surprise it was ’s name on the screen. I pressed answering button and answered “Yes ?” I said.
“?” I heard him say really loudly in a try to make his voice heard. Cause in the background, the volume was really loud and people seemed to talk all at the same time.
“Did I wake you?” He then asked me.
“No, I was reading.. What’s wrong?” I frowned and tried to hear what was saying.
“Can you come down to the bar`? We’ve got a bit of a problem with and ” He said.
Now I started to get worried. “What’s happened”
“We’ll take it when you are here, just hurry up” and with that he hung up the phone.
I put away my mobile phone and got out of bed. I pulled on a pair of old jeans and headed down to the bar.
The scene that met me there was unbelievable!
Paul and was holding in a firm grip while and held back .
and didn’t seem to notice that though, as they were too busy arguing with two men and around them were people that was looking at the ‘show’.
I shook my head. Some people were too curious for their own good. I made my way through the crowd and caught ’s gaze. He said something to , then he let go of and came over to me.
“You need explanations?” he asked shortly. I shrugged.
“What is this about and why me?” I asked. At the same time raised his voice.
“Have you ever heard of privacy? I don’t fucking think so! Who I date is not any others business except mine” and I am the who choose whom I want to date”
I sighed and looked at “Don’t bother to explain” and went over where the rest stood.
I didn’t look at the two guys and seemed to want to kill. Instead I focused at the two guys that meant so much to me.
Now when I came closer I saw that was furious and .. I had never seen him this angry.
When he saw me, he seemed to calm down a little and he shook off ’s grip.
and Paul let go of too and I met his gaze. We did not say anything. I just shook my head almost unnoticeable. I didn’t want to get into trouble just cause of it and on top of it.. it wasn’t worth it… and I knew that wouls see it the same way.
He sighed “I guess you’re right” he said and slowly walked away, closely follows by Paul and .
Now I turned to my boyfriend.
As I looked into his eyes I could read the anger that was so obvious… but as he shrugged I could read sadness in them as well. What ever the strangers had said to him had made an impact on him, even if I hadn’t showed it.
Carefully I put my hand against his cheek and caressed it. He gave me a weak smile and I replied it.
“I love you ” he just said and took my hand and walked out of the bar, passing and , who followed us out of there.
Well in the lift I spoke to . “What was that about anyway?” but he only shrugged as an reply. I sighed annoyingly, I hated when he was like that!
I turned to the other two. “You maybe want to explain?” I asked.
“I think it is better that you hear it from ” said and gave a meaning look. To this sighed. “I’ll tell you when were in the room” he sad about some seconds of silence.
The lift stopped at our floor and me and said goodnight to the other two before we went to our room.

came out of the bathroom and sat down next to me on the bed.
“You really want to hear the reason ?” he asked, sounding tired and sad. I nodded at this. He sighed and started to speak.
“The two guys in the bar were paparazzi” he said with an emotionless voice. “They said some comments that made me and a bit annoyed..” he made a pause and then shrugged.
“I shouldn’t have let them get to me..” he mumbled.
I sighed, not knowing what to say to ease ’s anger.. and I didn’t want to force him to talk about it.. cause he would probably refuse and I already had a clue what had been said down at the bar.
Instead I just caressed his cheek carefully and met his gaze before our lips met in a tender kiss. I knew that this would calm down soon and that we would get through this.
“I love you ” he mumbled as the kiss broke. I smiled a little and kissed him again.
“I love you too ..”

The End