LAST CHRISTMAS
by Monique

.script by Monique.

|story visited times|

x
Last Christmas I gave you my heart
but the very next day, you gave it away
xx

Christmas... Up untill last year it was a time I looked forward to. The anticipation of what presents to receive and how others would like the ones I bought. Beautifully decorated trees, lights sparkling all around the house. Lovely food and a good glass of wine. But most importantly being around family and friends.
Even before I was born, my parents had a tight group of friends whom they celebrated Christmas with. When children were born, the tradition hadn"t gone forgotten. Instead the little ones joined in the festivities, growing the celebrating group to near thirty people. On Christmas Eve, first there"d be dinner, then midnight mass. After that everyone would go home, only to meet up early in the morning for breakfast and presents. There used to be stacks of presents brought by Father Christmas back in the days the little ones still believed. About ten years ago that got replaced by Secret Santa, where you were only obliged to buy something for three of the thirty people present.
With a deep sigh I put down the wrapping paper and stare at the still unwrapped present laying infront of me. Of all people, it had to be him I had to buy a present for.
After last years disaster I wasn"t looking forward to Christmas let alone buying him a present.

All had started well back then, when had I arrived for dinner on Christmaseve I ran into him outside my neighbours home as we arrived at the same time.
"!" His voice sounded warm and welcoming and send a shiver down my spine. That was nothing new, he had that power over me, has had it for years prior and would probably keep it for years yet to come. But we were nothing more than friends. Friends was even putting it big as we hardly ever saw eachother. We both had busy lives, his busier than mine, he was hardly ever in town with his work for Westlife. Yet whenever we saw eachother, we got along pretty fine.
"." I therefor greeted him with equal enthusiasm, "It"s been ages! How are you?"
He walked up to me and pressed a kiss to my cheek. For a moment I revelled in the warmth of his embrace before he pulled back.
"Perfect, yourself? You look stunning." His eyes scan my Christmasoutfit, a short black dress peeks from under my coat and I was wearing my favorite pair of black heels.
"I"m good, cold though. We should get inside."
And that"s what we did. We entered the house, came to sit next to eachother for dinner and had a lovely evening. Well, I had a lovely evening, I"m not too sure about him. I just can"t seem to figure him out.
After dinner there was midnight mass. It seemed almost natural that we walked over to church together. He"d taken my arm and led me there and I have to admit that with every step we took, butterflies fluttered more wildly. He made me feel special with his little gestures and the way he gave me his full attention. Never before had I enjoyed the mass as much. I listened intently as the pastor spoke of love and peace, looking over at every now and again to catch his eyes and share a smile.
The mass ended way too soon and before I knew it, we were stood outside in the cold of the night. With my parents waiting for me –we"d arranged for them to walk me home- I said my goodbyes to , thanking him for the lovely evening. He smiled back, he"d enjoyed the night aswell or so he told me, and send a little wink my way. I felt all goofey, like a teenager in love for the very first time. Even if I knew I was reading too much into it, it felt too good to feel so giddy.

When I arrived at home, I quickly changed out of my partyclothes into a more comfy outfit and fell down in my couch while flicking the TV on. I really needed to unwind after the night spend with and get my head straight. I hardly sat down though before the doorbell rang loudly. Reluctantly I got up. Behind my frontdoor I found a smiling . It sped my heartbeat up and I grinned as he held up a bottle of wine.
"You not had enough yet?"
"I"ve been a good boy with the parents around." The wink that came with his words gave me the feeling he wasn"t just talking about drinking alcoholic drinks. It made me weak at the knees and I held the door open for him.
"You sure you don"t rather go to sleep?" he asked before entering, eyeing up my pyama"s. I knew I blushed under his stare but still managed to shake my head,
"And let you booze up out on the streets? What would the neighbours make of that?"
It was encouragement enough for him to walk past me, brushing my arm on his way. Before I followed him, I grabbed two wineglasses from the kitchen. Back in my livingroom I saw how he had taken up most of my couch. He was very much present in the small room, it send my skin tingling at just the thought of sitting down next to him. After I placed the glasses on the table and sat down, he poured the wine and picked the glasses up. Handing me one, his eyes got hold of mine. For moments I couldn"t look away, he held me captive. I was very much aware of our fingers touching, a burning desire hung just there. Then the small distance between us disappeared and the inevitable happened. His lips touched mine gently. Once, twice untill I lost count. I melted into his embrace, loosing grip on the world around me. I was in heaven.

I grin sarcasticly to myself as I shake myself out of my trip to memorylane. Last years heaven lasted all in all six hours, three of which actually spend with . After those three hours he left me in a sweet bliss while he rushed home to catch some sleep before traditional Christmasbreakfast. I was on top of the world right untill the moment I entered my neighbours house. As I stepped in, I catched Marks eyes  but he looked away immediately. For a moment I stood wondering what I"d done wrong. When he"d left my house earlier all seemed to be perfect. Why not even greet me now?
But then my eyes wandered to his side and I knew. There was the reason couldn"t even look me in the eye. I felt sick and suddenly lacked of air to breath but with all those people around what could I do? I sank in a chair and simply stared. Stared at the beautiful blonde sitting at Marks side. Sitting at his side, holding his hand. Holding his hand and stroking his upperarm intimately. I was raging inside but didn"t want to make a scene infront of everyone else. But most of all I was hurt. After last night it"d felt as if my love had finally been answered. It had felt real for me but obviously it wasn"t.

Roughly I shuf aside the bottle of shampoo I bought him. I didn"t want to give his present much thought after last year and right now I felt like not giving him anything at all. A grin appears as an idea forms in my head. I stand up and take the bottle, walking into the kitchen. The grin widens as I squirt it empty into the sink. After emptying the entire thing, I sit back at the table, presents and wrappingpaper before me. I grab a pen and jot down a quick note on a scrap of paper,

To ,
Coz you"re just not worth it..

Tucking the note in the package, I quickly wrap it up before thinking twice about it. He deserved it. That and much more.  

x
This year, to save me from tears
I"ll give it to someone special...
xx

Christmas came all too soon. I was dreading it, I just didn"t wanna face but there was no getting out of it. I went over to my parents house early to find some distraction. They were hosting the anual dinner this year and I knew my mum could use a hand with last minute arrangements but it turned out I wasn"t much help after all. I got distracted whatever I did and when evening came I was glad to be seated between the first guests that had arrived. I couldn"t help but keep an eye on the frontdoor though, to see arrive but no matter how I looked, no .
Then his family comes in and discard myself from the elderly lady talking next to me to listen to his mothers words, "... trying to make it but with the weather and all, all flights are delayed." she finished her sentence and a wave of relief washes over me. He isn"t coming! Finally able to relax I sit back in my chair and enjoy all the lovely food and the merry atmosphere around the table. The evening flies by and soon it"s time to go to church.

Wrapped up warm in my wintercoat I make my way home after the mass. Looking forward to my cozy bed and a good night of sleep after a couple of sleepless nights, I"m not prepared to find someone sitting on my doorstep. I jump a mile when my name is spoken outloud and I soon recognize .
"What the hell are you doing here?" I feel my body go rigid as angers floats trough me.
"Can we talk, please?" There"s insecurity in his voice which makes me feel that bit stronger.
"Why? I don"t think we have anything to talk about."
A pained look appears on his face, "I"m sorry, ."
My eyebrows shoot up at his words, "Sorry? Go tell your girlfriend that."
I put the key in the lock and as the door opens, try to step in. Before I"m over the treshhold, his hands locks itself around my arm, pulling me back.
"What girlfriend?"
A deep sigh escapes me, "Blondie that joined you last year. Last year!" I exclaim, "Why are you here after a year has passed?"
"She ain"t my girlfriend, never has been either. We had a couple of dates, that"s all."
I let my eyes role round once and pull my arm free.
"I"ve made mistakes, I know I have! I only want us to talk, ." His eyes plead with me to let him in and for a moment I"m tempted to give in.
"Please?" he adds and I shake myself out of the moment.
"No, . You"re too late." I step inside and let the door fall shut behind me. Then I fall back against it while closing my eyes. Too late... I know in my mind they were the right words to speak but my feelings are betraying me. It"s not easy to stay strong but I have to be. I can"t let him hurt me again.

I lay awake all night, thinking s words over and over again. I"m glad when morning comes and I can get up. Zombielike I get ready for breakfast and take the short walk to my parents house, where most of the guests have already arrived. My heart beats in my throat when I spot sat with his family and quickly look away. I slip in a chair and nod once in a while when the person sitting next to me starts chatting. Breakfast is served but I can"t get any food down. I sip on my tea and all I want is to get it over with. First presents need to be handed out. I get my three presents handed to me and stare at them, opting which one to open first. Secretly I sneak a peek at . In only minutes he would find my present and I feel a shiver of guilt go trough me. Did I take it too far? Shaking my head I tell myself no and concentrate on my own presents. The largest present first, I decide and pull the wrappingpaper off. As I see the present appear, my heartbeat speeds up. A bottle of wine comes out first and I recognize the brand. Next come two glasses, one of which contains a piece of paper. Swallowing hard I pull it out, glad everyone is busy with their own presents. My eyes scan the words and as I read them I know my suspicions were right.
"Please, hear me out..." it read. Tears well up and I know I will no longer be able to contain myself. I get up and out of the room as quick as I possibly can. Without even thinking of grabbing my coat, I fly out of the house while tears start running down my cheeks. As I reach the back of the garden I slow down and sink down onto the grass. Sobs escape me and I didn"t even notice I was followed untill a hand touches my shoulder. I look at my side and see .
"Leave me alone." I tell him but my voice is weak and he doesn"t listen. Instead he sits down next to me and his arm finds its way around me. I let him pull me against his chest and shiver. He waves a scrap of paper before me and I recognize my own handwriting.
"I deserved this I guess." he tells and his voice vibrates trough me as I"m pulled close to him.
"I"ve been a jerk." he continues as I only shrug, "but what I told you was the truth. That woman, she never was my girlfriend. We dated for a while and she was suddenly there after I came home. I couldn"t not take her."
"I... It"s..." I stutter and take a deep breath to stop the tears from falling, "It"s not like what happened between us was all that special."
The words make him pull back and grab my chin, forcing me to look him in the eye.
"Do you really think that?"
I close my eyes, not able to lie to his face, "Obviously. It wouldn"t have taken you a year to find me to talk to if it was."
"The intensity of my feelings scared me." he admits and I open my eyes again. "And when I came to terms with that, it felt all wrong that I hadn"t talked to you. I felt ashamed and didn"t know what to do. It was too big a step to take."
I"m not convinced, his words seem too good to be true. I spend a whole year despicing him after what he did and now there he was, telling me all this.
"Please, ." his eyes plead with me and deep inside I know he has won me over. I swallow hard and press a kiss on his lips.
"You have to prove yourself, ." I tell him and a smile appears on his lips. .
"I will." He pulls me in and kisses me again and I enjoy the feeling it gives me. It wouldn"t be easy to convince my heart of his good intentions but I knew I had to try. I couldn"t not try, he meant too much for me not to. I just hoped this had been the Last Christmas I"d spend feeling miserable...

THE END