I stood in front of the wardrobe since almost one hour but hadn’t decided what to wear tonight. My two best friends, and , wanted me to go to a party with them. At first I wasn’t into that but if they start to plead I always give in.
I tried the next outfit but I wasn’t satisfied with what I saw in the mirror. Why am I so unsure about what to wear? I mean, I don’t know who will be at the party and I don’t go there to find a guy to shag. After another ten minutes I decided for my demin jeans and a white vest top. I put on some light make-up and put my hair in a neat ponytail. I only went to the party to have a good end of the week. It was all so stressful at the moment in the lawyer office and so I needed a good time.

and picked me up and together we drove off to the house where the party was supposed to be. There were a lot of cars outside and you could hear loud music coming from the inside. You also could see some shadows behind the closed curtains. The atmosphere seemed to be really good.
Just before we reached the last step the door opened and Sharon smiled at us. It was her house and so she was the host tonight. She hugged each of us and led us into the living room. Next to the door there stood a table with all kind of drinks. We took a glass and looked around to see who was there.

It’s a long time since I saw you
Well you know how time can fly
It seems like yesterday we were lovers
Now we pass each other by
But if we’re left alone tonight
Don’t ask me to hold you tight

I saw some friends and started a tour around just to say hello to them. I got stuck in a conversation with Jonas. We went to school together and were really good friends. He told me about his survival training in India. In the middle of the story my interest drifted off and my view wandered through the room. I saw a person standing in the corner who was deep into a conversation with John. John must have made a joke because the ´stranger` started to laugh. I got a shock and the color of my face faded away.
There he was: the man that I used to love. The man who I thought was the love of my life.

I go weak
I go weak in the presence of beauty

He looked so good in his blue jeans and the white shirt. His skin was tanned and his hair was and . I could imagine how his eyes would shine right now when he was laughing. I always loved his smile. How often I got weak when he looked at me with his deep eyes. They were as clear as the ocean. I’d felt so safe in his strong arms. When his soft lips had touched my earlobe or neck I’d always got a goose bump. I felt always like thousands of butterflies would fly through my stomach when his hands explored my body.
I remembered all the nights we’d spend together talking, kissing, cuddling and making love. I never could resist him. Of course we’d argued a lot too but whenever he stood on my door step all the anger was forgotten and I only wanted to feel and taste him.
Slowly he turned his head in my direction. As soon as he spotted me he waved me over. At first I said NO to myself but then the longing to hear his sexy voice was stronger and so I walked over without saying anything to Jonas.

All my friends keep asking
Why I’m quiet while you’re around
But they don’t know I think I’m so lucky
To stop myself from falling down
So later if you’re on your own
Don’t ask me to take you home

smiled at me when I stopped in front of him. John was over at the table with the drinks and I expected him to come back soon. wanted to know what has happened since he had left to London a year ago. I tried to hide how weak I felt in his presence and so I mimed the strong and self-confident woman, what he wouldn’t expect from me.

I go weak
I go weak in the presence of beauty

I saw a sparkle in his eyes, what he always got when we were alone and just ready to become one. My stomach turned around and I looked to the floor. I couldn’t stand his look. If I had looked into his eyes any longer I had thrown my arms around his neck and had started to kiss him with all the passion that I felt inside of me right now.

Cos if we’re left alone tonight
I’ll have no choice but to hold you tight

He took my hand and led me out in the garden. We sat on the bench and looked up into the clear sky where all the stars where sparkling. He stroked my cheek and I turned around to look at him. “You are more beautiful than the last time I saw you” he said and I saw his face coming nearer. There was a lump in my throat so I couldn’t say anything. I wished on one side that I could feel his lips again but on the other side I didn’t want to fall for him again because I didn’t want him to think he can come over and have me whenever he needed it.

I go weak
I go weak in the presence of beauty

My breathing got heavier and I closed my eyes just for a short moment. I knew that I still loved him but there was no way that it would ever work with us. I had to look forward and live my life without him.

Darling I love you
There’s no-one above you

I stood up and turned my back on him. It was better to go without saying anything otherwise I couldn’t stop the tears from falling and that was the last what I wanted him to see from me.

You’re my world
I used to be your girl

Silently I left the party and walked home alone thinking about if my decision was right or wrong.

THE END